joke

How do you keep a man from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder 'instruction manuals'. I'm gonna do this. My hubby is always standing over my shoulder when I'm replying to e-mails - checking up on me I'm sure!

Thought I would share this one... Stalin is speaking at one of those big soviet conferences. Someone near the back sneezes. Stalin: Who sneezed? **silence** Stalin (to KGB): Take everyone in the first row outside and shoot them! KGB obliges. Stalin: Who sneezed? **silence** Stalin...

A few months ago, I upgraded from DrinkingMates 4.2 to Girlfriend 1.0 which I had been told for years wouldn't give me any trouble. However,there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To...

A couple decided to go for a meal and after some deliberation settled for their local Chinese restaurant. They peruse the menu and finally agree to share the chef's special 'Chicken Surprise'. The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is...

Two Blondes, were sitting on a bench one evening when one asked the other, "What do you think is farther, Florida or the moon?" The other blonde gives her a puzzled look and replies, "Helloooooooo--Can you see Florida?!" well, it made me smile :) Andy

:D He was found hiding in the trophy room at Old Trafford. When asked why he was there he said that it reminded him of the Afghan caves; cold, dark, empty and recently taken over by Americans. :cool:

Did you hear what the Queen has arranged a hen party for Camilla? It's a tour of Paris in a Mercedes S class. Seemed topical for this board.

O.T. i know, and i don't normally post jokes, but i liked this one .... Michael Jackson is sitting at home , depressed at the way the trial is going.... He says to his PA 'I feel really down, nip down the rental store and get me a DVD to watch' PA says ' What sort ?' Michael Jackson...

Why do blondes have more fun ? Because they're more easily impressed. How do a blonde's brain cells die ? Lonely. Why do blondes make bad dairy farmers ? Because they can't keep to calves together. Whu don't blondes look out of the window in the morning ? They'd have nothing to do...

Man called Brian walking through Athens a couple of weeks ago, sees another man carrying a 14 foot long bag and a sports holdall. Says Brian - "Are you a pole vaulter?" Replies the man carrying the 14 foot long bag - "No - I am a German. But how did you know my name?" Ha Ha - Actually I...

Running from Sept 2001 to October 2002, psychologist Richard Wiseman from the University of Hertfordshire, and the British Association for the Advancement of Science, collated 40,000 jokes submitted from all over the world two million , - I kid you not , cast for the funniest which can be...

A guy named Ned walked into a bar with his pet monkey and starts playing pool with a couple of other guys. All the people standing around whatching would talk and play with the monkey. Then Ned had to go pee. So he walked over to the bathroom to do his buisness. When he came back to the pool...

Its likely that Saddam faces the death penalty..... ..... he isnt worried too much tho as David Beckham is going to take it. ... ok i'll fetch my coat :D :rolleyes:

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?" The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre; I always end up getting my head kicked in." So Smartie...

I'm Irish so I have licence to tell this joke, in fact, I think I worked in this petrol station at one point !: On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf...

A plane is on it's way to Melbourne when Christine, a blondie in Economy Class, gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger, as she paid for Economy she will have to go and...

A lady walks into a Mercedes dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and...