Joke of the day

[RyanMuller]

Feel free to share for a laugh!

I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..." Then I said, "turn Left".

 

[ringway]

I tried taxi driving and lasted just a day.

I don't like people talking behind my back.

 

[Chrishazle]

Then there was the guy who'd driven a hearse for 30 years but went into the taxi business. First time a passenger tapped him on the shoulder he had a heart attack!

 

[RyanMuller]

Keep them coming!

 

[developer]

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ya now? And what was your toast?"

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.

You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years.

Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

 

[Peter103]

The cabbie was stopped by police in his Transit on the motorway,
The officer said " do you know that the limit is 70?"
The cabbie leaned into the back of his van and said,
"Did you hear that? Three of you have got to get out."

 

[a111r]

Looks like we've, erm, slipped back to the 70's there...

 

[Peter103]

Looks like we've, erm, slipped back to the 70's there...

Developer makes a joke about John O Reilly who would be Irish, I post a joke about a Pakistani cabbie, and I get comments as above, What's the difference? Double standards?

 

[A250 Bennyboy]

Went for a job interview as a litter picker, he asked me if I had any experience, I said no.
Don't worry you'll pick it up as you go along.

 

[Peter103]

I went for a job as a Handyman, he asked me if I could turn my hand to a bit of carpentry, plumbing, painting and decorating, I had to say that I couldnt do any of that.He then asked what makes you think you'd make a good Handyman?
I told him I only lived round the corner.

 

[Druk]

Doctor: Do you want the bad news or the good news?

Patient: Whats the bad news?

Doctor: We cut off the wrong leg.

Patient: So what's the good news?

Doctor: The guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers. :bannana:

 

[optimusprime]

MY mate was drinkig brake fluid
And i then said to him you should not drink that
Told me not to worry, i can always stop .

 

[Gary129]

A man was following his wife and commented that with the weight she'd put on she reminded him of a washing machine.
The wife said nothing and carried on walking.
That night in bed the man became amorous and tried to arouse his wife.
She replied " I'm not starting the washing machine for that little load - you can do it by hand".