Why does this affect me so much?

[brucemillar]

"I catch site of a young (4 or 5 year old) beautiful blonde girl, who has a smile bigger than her face."

Did she look unhappy, abused etc? Few of us would be untouched by what you saw. But, it could have been isolated.

Getting SS involved could have had many unintended consequences for a family and child which did not deserve it. It's very difficult to call.

The change between happy and carefree, smiling away and obviously enjoying her task to suddenly being lifted off her feet and dragged across a car park and thrown into a car shocked us all.

I saw nothing that would suggest that she was anything other than a happy little girl, until that point.

I just went for a long freezing cold walk with my dogs. I have tried to think it through rationally and without the emotion. I can't and I failed. Reporting it to Social Services? What am I reporting here? What do I want them to do? Am I just trying to ease and unburden my own conscience and guilt, from the the fact that I did nothing? I suspect that this is a exactly what I am doing.

I shall give it some more time. Thank you all for taking time to respond. It does help.

 

[Deleted member 65149]

Bruce, there is absolutely no way that you should hold yourself guilty for not having done anything at the time. Fortunately it was a rare occurrence and you were no doubt too stunned to react, just as most of us would have been. I dare say that had you been walking close by at the time you may well have said something straightaway, but it’s a different matter when you have to make a conscious effort to get out of you car and deliberately walk over to voice your concerns. But even if you had, I very much doubt it would have achieved anything other than you possibly getting even more upset because of the inevitable angry reaction from the “lady”.

I fear that reporting the incident now will achieve absolutely nothing. But now you, and all of us reading this thread, will be alerted to the need to get some form of identification with photos and/or car reg so it can be successfully reported.

We don’t know the reasons for the woman acting as she did. It may have been that she had given strict instructions to the little girl to stay by the car and thus was scared and angry that she had wandered off where cars were being driven around. Obviously her reaction was wrong, but may have been a one-off. But we don’t know.

None of us should worry about reporting such incidents that may be unfounded concerns for fear of getting innocent parties in trouble. As a school governor I learnt on a safeguarding course that suspicions of mistreatment of children must always be reported, no matter who you suspect whether family member, colleague or stranger.

So Bruce, don’t beat yourself up (as I know I would too) but instead feel grateful that you’re a decent person for caring.

 

[clk320x]

Wouldn’t your Dashcam have recorded the plate Bruce ?

 

[brucemillar]

Wouldn’t your Dashcam have recorded the plate Bruce ?

No. The car was not in camera view.


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[LTD]

Some people do not deserve to be parents.

 

[baxlin]

It might even be worse than Bruce has reported, for instance if the woman was not the mother, but a childminder/nanny, being paid for it.......

 

[219]

It might even be worse than Bruce has reported, for instance if the woman was not the mother, but a childminder/nanny, being paid for it.......

That thought had crossed my mind

 

[brucemillar]

It might even be worse than Bruce has reported, for instance if the woman was not the mother, but a childminder/nanny, being paid for it.......

Yes I did think about that. They appeared not to be of the same colour.


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[french]

Yes I did think about that. They appeared not to be of the same colour.


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Step mother/partner ?

 

[WDB124066]

Yep, very likely I'd say, she knows what to do with a shopping trolley with a great big happy smile on her face - from that!? SUMTINGWONG Bruce. That's what's burning you up I'd say, what puts a great big smile on a girl's face is not a product of the behavior you saw - yet the behaviour seemed so "natural".

Just tell the Authorities what your reservations are if you like, just tell them everything, even how you feel about calling them. And leave it with them.

 

[clk320x]

Yep, very likely I'd say, she knows what to do with a shopping trolley with a great big happy smile on her face - from that!? SUMTINGWONG Bruce. That's what's burning you up I'd say, what puts a great big smile on a girl's face is not a product of the behavior you saw - yet the behaviour seemed so "natural".

Just tell the Authorities what your reservations are if you like, just tell them everything, even how you feel about calling them. And leave it with them.

He hasn’t got the plate? What can the authorities go off? Actually perhaps you could get the plate from the supermarket

 

[WDB124066]

As others have commented there may be video of the incident on cameras about the place.

If approaching complete strangers that may have the clips about "dobbing" is causing an internal problem, write to them, explain how you feel and send them a link to this thread.

Once you have done that find yourself a quiet corner, poor yourself a wee something, slip this on in seclusion and unwind...

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[WDB124066]

My only word of caution would be to be prepared for this...

Colombian-Kiwi racially abused while shopping with two-year-old daughter

 

[Deleted member 65149]

Yes I did think about that. They appeared not to be of the same colour.


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Completely irrelevant. A good friend of ours is Asian and with black hair. Her daughter is a blue-eyed blonde, just like her dad. My youngest, however, is fortunate enough to have her mother’s colouring and looks and not mine!

 

[WDB124066]

Completely irrelevant. A good friend of ours is Asian and with black hair. Her daughter is a blue-eyed blonde, just like her dad. My youngest, however, is fortunate enough to have her mother’s colouring and looks and not mine!

It has little to do with skin colour but everything to do with attitude.

Have a hard time believing this, why do most white people lie in the sun to turn as brown as they can at almost every opportunity they can get...?

 

[Yugguy]

I have seen similar and felt the same. You wish you could ask them why but you would simply get the same abuse.

I am by no means perfect but when my daughter was born I knew I wanted to be the best dad I could.

 

[Abb]

Bruce, all that you have done is demonstrate the you are a decent human being by showing compassion and is emphasised by the guilt you now feel for not intervening.
YOU are not at fault nor is the child, it is the WOMAN who is! Obviously that is no revelation however it saddens me to say that behaviour and language is common place nowadays to the point in some areas it does not even turn a head nor raise an eyebrow. I say this from my point of view as an ex Police Officer for nigh on 10 years, and some of the things I dealt with including the worst images you could imagine of child cruelty including those of a sexual nature, still haunt me to this day, some 12 years later.

Children are a product of their environment and will go into adulthood with their learnt behaviour, either one way or the other, depending on their experiences. Some will eventually become abusers themselves as that's all they know and deem to be acceptable and others will want to break the cycle.
I for one, like many others am from a generation where physical punishment was administered as a means of discipline within the household (a smack on the bottom, on the hands etc) thing's I remember to this day and upon reflection served no purpose at all.
My wife and I have the privilege of being parents to an amazing daughter (who is now 10) and for me to raise my voice let along my hand to her is incomprehensible to me, after all she did't ask to be born into the world. Furthermore all it demonstrates is that as a adult you have lost control of your emotions. Unfortunately there is no vetting purpose to determine are suitability as parents, so people with this mentality are allowed to breed and infest the decent parts of our society.

The mere fact that you took the time to post this thread tells us more about you than it does about her. I will probably get shot down for this, but as much as it tears you up inside, you did the right thing.
Sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something, not from a moral perspective I hasten to add. I say that (again from experience), if you had intervened, it would not made one jot of difference, as if that's her mentality towards a child, whats do you think it would have been like to a stranger such as yourself. Picture this as a possibility, you exit your car, approach said person, speak to her and the situation escalates though no fault of your own, child is further distraught as the scene which is now created with " a heavily built bloke appears to be picking on lady/mother of colour" as by standers call the Police who then arrive as she is now claiming you were abusive, threatening, etc and its now down to you to prove otherwise as she has an hysterical child to prove it!

It's just sad you had to experience such a thing in the first instance.

 

[lisa110rry]

You were in shock Bruce, that is why you did not react. Having just become a grandmother after our son and daughter in law have been trying for four years, I can tell you that not all members of the millennial generation act this way. The love, awe and care they lavish on their daughter is wonderful to observe.

 

[Deleted member 65149]

Bruce, all that you have done is demonstrate the you are a decent human being by showing compassion and is emphasised by the guilt you now feel for not intervening.
YOU are not at fault nor is the child, it is the WOMAN who is! Obviously that is no revelation however it saddens me to say that behaviour and language is common place nowadays to the point in some areas it does not even turn a head nor raise an eyebrow. I say this from my point of view as an ex Police Officer for nigh on 10 years, and some of the things I dealt with including the worst images you could imagine of child cruelty including those of a sexual nature, still haunt me to this day, some 12 years later.

Children are a product of their environment and will go into adulthood with their learnt behaviour, either one way or the other, depending on their experiences. Some will eventually become abusers themselves as that's all they know and deem to be acceptable and others will want to break the cycle.
I for one, like many others am from a generation where physical punishment was administered as a means of discipline within the household (a smack on the bottom, on the hands etc) thing's I remember to this day and upon reflection served no purpose at all.
My wife and I have the privilege of being parents to an amazing daughter (who is now 10) and for me to raise my voice let along my hand to her is incomprehensible to me, after all she did't ask to be born into the world. Furthermore all it demonstrates is that as a adult you have lost control of your emotions. Unfortunately there is no vetting purpose to determine are suitability as parents, so people with this mentality are allowed to breed and infest the decent parts of our society.

The mere fact that you took the time to post this thread tells us more about you than it does about her. I will probably get shot down for this, but as much as it tears you up inside, you did the right thing.
Sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something, not from a moral perspective I hasten to add. I say that (again from experience), if you had intervened, it would not made one jot of difference, as if that's her mentality towards a child, whats do you think it would have been like to a stranger such as yourself. Picture this as a possibility, you exit your car, approach said person, speak to her and the situation escalates though no fault of your own, child is further distraught as the scene which is now created with " a heavily built bloke appears to be picking on lady/mother of colour" as by standers call the Police who then arrive as she is now claiming you were abusive, threatening, etc and its now down to you to prove otherwise as she has an hysterical child to prove it!

It's just sad you had to experience such a thing in the first instance.

Fabulous post. One of the best I’ve read on any subject. Thank you.

The penultimate paragraph on the possibility of putting yourself in trouble by trying to help reminds me of an incident I experienced many years ago. I spotted a teenage girl in W H Smiths putting a couple of magazines in her bag then walking out without paying. I followed her out and suggested that if she returned them I wouldn’t report her. Her face dropped and tears appeared as she said she was too scared and asked me to take them back. I decided that she would learn a better lesson by doing it herself, so told her.

Her face immediately turned from contrition to aggression as she told me to “F*** off and if you don’t leave me alone I’ll scream out that you’re attacking me.” At that point I gave up on the stolen magazines as well as the girl’s future and walked away. This was about 30 years ago and I still wonder if I could have handled it any better. Perhaps just ignored the theft altogether in the first place, after all it would have been barely a pinprick in Smith’s profits. Instead I just like to think that at least I knew when to step away.

 

[oldguy57]

Sometimes a dilemma whether to get involved or not isn't it? In the case I got involved in, which resulted in a prison sentence of 3 years for someone, a whole history of abuse was exposed. Took a mighty toll on me and others though. In the circumstances you describe Bruce I doubt that anyone would have done any different. And of course you don't know whether another witness reported it anyway. Would have grated on me too, but that's life for some families.