A mates divorce!

[AANDYY]

Firstly I understand views here could be difficult as of the nature of this OP.

My mates wife has set up a divorce after about 3 years of marriage.
His lawyer and barrister has told him to accept 12%!!! Ridiculous!!

It was his house with a small mortgage, she added about £30k, home improvements conservatory etc.
She has health issues, cancer in remission, diabetes, she is mobile, drives a car and loves to shop
He has be banned from the house for smashing a lamp shade in a row. She phoned the police and reported she was fearing for her life! He lives else where now but of course still pays all the mortgage!

They have been to court twice now.

The percentages seam all wrong to me, unfair!

May be she could be entitled to more than 50% if they had been married for 10/20 years but 3!

 

[grober]

If the facts are as your mate has told you???? tell him to get a new lawyer who specialises in divorce settlement pronto.

 

[verytalldave]

.............and my friends wonder why I havent remarried.............

 

[BlackC55]

This is why I will NEVER get married.

My mum and dad have been married twice. Emma's dad is on his 3rd and Emma's mum on her second.

Marriage means nothing to me.

 

[pammy]

Assuming no children - then it does seem unfair and would suggest seeking alternative legal advice. But this is based on very little information and nothing from her side of things. It's odd that both his solicitor and barrister are suggesting settlement at such a low level.

Not going into detail - but bearing in mind 20 years of marriage and two kids to provide for - I could only dream of getting an 88% settlement!!

 

[Doodle]

I concur with Olly, my marriage to my wife proved that it was nothing more than a piece of paper. Sadly the act of commitment that it once stood for seems to no longer be present for many people.

I was lucky that I had a good lawyer for my divorce; at the first meeting once the basics were out of the way, she asked me the all-important question: "How hard are you willing to be towards your ex-wife?".

 

[A210AMG]

This is why I will NEVER get married.

My mum and dad have been married twice. Emma's dad is on his 3rd and Emma's mum on her second.

Marriage means nothing to me.

I'm completely the opposite, love my wife, loved getting married and the ceromony / commitment / organsing honeymoon and all that etc, We now have a daughter and love her to bits and WANT her to grow up in family where she has a loving MUMMY & DADDY.


My mum and dad have been married for 30 years and my wifes have.


OK this may be old fashionined now but hey ho I'm in for the long hall and LOVE It.

 

[Mudster]

The cancer moves the goal posts,

My partner has MS, she has a 10 year old child also.

She is just finalising the divorce with her husband (which has dragged on a little) who was told categorically the most he could expect was between 5%-15% and if He went to court it was likely to be nothing at all.

As it was they split reasonably amicably and came to an arrangement via mediation that the husband got 25% which seemed very reasonable.

The ultimate problem is, unless huge sums of money are involved, the legal costs may outweigh the upside of any result.

He needs to remove emotion from the equation, get a decent solicitor and do some sums.

 

[verytalldave]

"OK this may be old fashionined now but hey ho I'm in for the long hall and LOVE It."..........

Excellent and no doubt very heart felt sentiments but it only needs your other half to deviate from the path for it to all fall apart. And there is nothing you can do................

 

[vijilants]

If you want to make marriage work in society you also need to make the laws fair when it all goes wrong.

In many a case in this country the man comes out of it losing in a big way.

The only winners are the solicitors that seem to thrive on the situation, especially one that is going badly, and ever ready to bang out unnecessary letters just to keep the meter ticking over.

I think that a lot of people in this day and age wouldn't bother getting married mainly due to the fact that they are nowadays more knowledgeable of the financial implications if it goes wrong......sad situation really in a society that is trying to promote the "family and stability".

 

[bigyin1]

crumbs, feel for him...

I had to settle for 25% when i got divorced 5 years ago and my solicitor said i was lucky to get that (married for 4 years, 1 daughter, house co-owned).

Unless you are going to have sole custody of the children then you get just above nowt and don't even get me started on the CSA, nothing polite to say about them.

I have since re-married and my current Mrs and I have 1 child between us, 2 years old and she has two from previous, so just the 4 in total then between us, hence need for current car . I know that in the extremely unlikly event that it goes pear shaped i'd be financially fecked for many years but if i was worried about that i wouldn't have got married or bought a house or had another child, you have to live your life not worry too much and trust your partner. As i said to my ex, providing i can see my daughter i don't care about the money.....

The only thing i'd say is try your utmost to keep things positive and try to think of things to look forward to, otherwise i'm afraid it can go down hill very quickly....

 

[Meldrew2]

My mates wife has set up a divorce after about 3 years of marriage.
His lawyer and barrister has told him to accept 12%!!! Ridiculous!!
The percentages seam all wrong to me, unfair!

12% is still more than Guy Ritchie got.........

 

[BlackC55]

How about a pre-nup?
Whats the panels verdict?

 

[partsspecialist]

A High powered rifle : £2000

A Decent scope : £1000

Spotting where this is going : Priceless

There are a lot of things money can buy, for everything else theres snipercard.

 

[vijilants]

How about a pre-nup?
Whats the panels verdict?

I didn't think it was valid over here.

 

[pammy]

In many a case in this country the man comes out of it losing in a big way.

Not sure I agree with that - some do yes - but women are often losers too. But to accept that, you have to take away the financial element and factor in emotional and ability to make choices costs.

The reason why so many men feel they lose out is because they try to relate a financial settlement as being all it's about when in fact most, not all of the time the woman is the one with care of the children. The mother is then left to provide almost all the care for the child/ren while the man goes away and seemingly lives his life. However, if it is the father, which is rare, that takes custody and care then the reverse is true.

The parent with care has to deal with all the day to day responsibilities, often with little support - the one without doesn't. Caring for children is such a joy and I wouldn't change my situation for anything - but it is hard work, draining - physically and emotionally and tying. Living your life when trying to balance being a lone parent is incredibly difficult.

Yes Solicitors and barristers make a mint - but that's often because one or both sides are being unfair or unreasonable. I feel for those who can't access good legal representation. The biggest losers are often the children as they see the two people that mean the most to them fall apart and then feel stuck in the middle. Most parents try their hardest not to put the kids in the middle - but sadly some are quite happy to use kids to gain advantage - be that financial or emotional.

The actual reality is that every case is unique and at the end of the day everyone loses when a marriage breaks up - especially when it's a long term marriage.

Just my two penn'orth.

 

[verytalldave]

Not sure I agree with that - some do yes - but women are often losers too. But to accept that, you have to take away the financial element and factor in emotional and ability to make choices costs.

The reason why so many men feel they lose out is because they try to relate a financial settlement as being all it's about when in fact most, not all of the time the woman is the one with care of the children. The mother is then left to provide almost all the care for the child/ren while the man goes away and seemingly lives his life. However, if it is the father, which is rare, that takes custody and care then the reverse is true.

The parent with care has to deal with all the day to day responsibilities, often with little support - the one without doesn't. Caring for children is such a joy and I wouldn't change my situation for anything - but it is hard work, draining - physically and emotionally and tying. Living your life when trying to balance being a lone parent is incredibly difficult.

Yes Solicitors and barristers make a mint - but that's often because one or both sides are being unfair or unreasonable. I feel for those who can't access good legal representation. The biggest losers are often the children as they see the two people that mean the most to them fall apart and then feel stuck in the middle. Most parents try their hardest not to put the kids in the middle - but sadly some are quite happy to use kids to gain advantage - be that financial or emotional.

The actual reality is that every case is unique and at the end of the day everyone loses when a marriage breaks up - especially when it's a long term marriage.

Just my two penn'orth.

Not always the case.
When my wife and I divorced, all our three chidren came to live with me. Their free choice totally.
I have since been a single Dad and at times it wasnt easy I can assure you, but it has its rewards.
Please dont assume men are all heartless and are interested in little else than the obvious.
And I can assure you there are many like me out there.....................

 

[pammy]

Not always the case.
When my wife and I divorced, all our three chidren came to live with me. Their free choice totally.
I have since been a single Dad and at times it wasnt easy I can assure you, but it has its rewards.
Please dont assume men are all heartless and are interested in little else than the obvious.
And I can assure you there are many like me out there.....................

Dave - please re-read what I put. I said :

......The mother is then left to provide almost all the care for the child/ren while the man goes away and seemingly lives his life. However, if it is the father, which is rare, that takes custody and care then the reverse is true.

The parent with care has to deal with all the day to day responsibilities, often with little support - the one without doesn't. Caring for children is such a joy and I wouldn't change my situation for anything - but it is hard work, draining - physically and emotionally and tying. Living your life when trying to balance being a lone parent is incredibly difficult.

to reflect your kind of situation.....

 

[verytalldave]

Sorry Pammy.................hasty reading........

 

[Dieselman]

The cancer moves the goal posts,

Not sure why, She's in remission as opposed to actually ill at present, and I assume the Husband provided an adequate level of care and support while she was ill and being treated..
There are two sides to every coin.