A story with a moral

[219]

Spotted on another forum -


Two motors approaching each other down a long straight piece of unlit road, late one evening, after a visit to the pub pub. I am an innocent passenger in one vehicle, a ****-cheese flavoured Land Rover covered in spots, beacons and aeriels etc.

Other car has slight headlight alignment problems, perhaps a little high.
My driver: "*******, I'm not having that" flips on his main beam.
Other driver retaliates.
My driver : "B**tard, have a bit of this then" flips on fog lights.
Other driver retaliates
My driver : "B**tard, OK, how about a taste of these beauties then" flips on roof spots.
Other driver must have some too because more lights come on from his side.
By now my retinas are scorched and little creatures are emerging from their burrows, thinking it's morning.
My driver : "Absolute b**tard, last chance." flips on revolving orange beacons and strobes on roof. It's like something out of Close Encounters by now.
Other driver retaliates. Only his beacons are blue.
My driver : "Oh dear" (Or words to that effect)

 

[EDZ649]

I'm surprised the copper retalliated like that!

 

[crockers]

Sounds a bit like the USS destroyer versus the Canadian coastguard story..

 

[davidbilyk]

Spotted on another forum -


It's like something out of Close Encounters by now.

Comedy!

 

[Deleted member 6183]

I'm surprised the copper retalliated like that!

Well some of them are human.

 

[davidbilyk]

I like this one

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was f...ing bored, not f....ing stupid!'

 

[davidbilyk]

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

 

[ewans]

Similar story i heard years ago, had to google to find the origional text.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing. Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, Im looking up the gate location now." Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944, it was dark and we didn't land!"

 

[renault12ts]

Or the one where the US submarine demanded several times that the unidentified ship divert course immediately or risk being rammed...the Irish voice replied " we're a lighthouse mate, your call"...

 

[ROBB]

Best thread of the day

by some margin

 

[Howard]

Thought it was only Concordes that used the 'Speedbird' callsign ?

 

[IanW]

A similar story to Ewans:

I was boarding a BA flight at some ungodly hour of the morning with a colleague, bound for a business meeting in Berlin. The seats immediately in front of us were taken by a small group of rowdy Germans, generally messing round & taking their time to settle down.

Colleague: "Have you been to Berlin before?"
Me: "No, but my uncle used to make the journey frequently. Mind you, it took him 10 hours each way."
Colleague: "??? Why on earth did he have to do that?"
Me: "He was the radio operator in a Lancaster."

After that, the row in front was noticeably quieter. And it's true - he completed his 30 sorties before transferring.
Ian.

 

[timskemp]

Thought it was only Concordes that used the 'Speedbird' callsign ?

speedbird

 

[Howard]

Should have WIKI'd that myself before posting

Thanks Tim.

 

[Uberwagon]

As old as teh internet itself, but still chuckleworthy....

This is from a SR71 pilot.

One day, high above Arizona , we were monitoring the radio traffic of all the mortal airplanes below us. First, a Cessna pilot asked the air traffic controllers to check his ground speed. 'Ninety knots,' ATC replied. A twin Bonanza soon made the same request. 'One-twenty on the ground,' was the reply. To our surprise, a navy F-18 came over the radio with a ground speed check. I knew exactly what he was doing. Of course, he had a ground speed indicator in his cockpit, but he wanted to let all the bug-smashers in the valley know what real speed was 'Dusty 52, we show you at 620 on the ground,' ATC responded. The situation was too ripe. I heard the click of Walter's mike button in the rear seat. In his most innocent voice, Walter startled the controller by asking for a ground speed check from 81,000 feet, clearly above controlled airspace. I n a cool, professional voice, the controller replied, ' Aspen 20, I show you at 1,982 knots on the ground.' We did not hear another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast.

Dave

 

[Sp!ke]

I've waited long enough already.

What is the moral of the story?

 

[nick mercedes]

I've waited long enough already.

What is the moral of the story?

Internet myths get an extended life if posted on lots of different forums?

 

[Ted]

In a similar vein to some of the other stories, I recall a programme on the concorde from many years ago.
As the plane landed at JFK, the pilot announced "I would like to thank you for flying British Airways Concorde, and just for your information, the Pan Am 747 which left heathrow just before us is almost,but not quite half way here"

Brilliant!