An idiots interpretation of medical terminology....

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ghummy

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just a random email i got sent today at work, made me chuckle...

Artery................. The study of paintings

Bacteria................Back door to cafeteria .

Barium.................What doctors do when patients die.

Benign..................What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section..A neighbourhood in Rome .

Catscan.................Searching for Kitty

Cauterize............. Made eye contact with her.

Colic.....................A sheep dog.

Coma....................A punctuation mark

Dilate................... To live long.

Enema..................Not a friend.

Fester...................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula...................A small lie.

Impotent.............. Distinguished, well known.

Labour Pain..........Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.

Morbid..................A higher offer.

Nitrates.................Cheaper than day rates.

Node.....................I knew it.

Outpatient.............A person who has fainted.

Pelvis.................. Cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative.......A letter carrier.

Recovery Room.....Place to do upholstery.

Rectum.................Nearly killed him.

Secretion.............. Hiding something.

Seizure..................Roman emperor.

Tablet....................A small table.

Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour................ One plus one more.

Urine.....................Opposite of you're out.
 
..and let's not forget the Blonde version

Artery . . . . . . . . . . . Study of paintings
Anally . . . . . . . . . . . Occurring yearly
Bacteria . . . . . . . . . . Back door to cafeteria
Barium . . . . . . . . . . . What doctors do to their patients when treatment fails
Benign . . . . . . . . . . . What you be, after you be eight
Bowel . . . . . . . . . . . Letter like A, E, I, O and U
Caesarian Section. . . . . . A district in Rome
Catarrh . . . . . . . . . . . Stringed instrument
CAT Scan. . . . . . . . . . . Searching for Kitty
Cauterize. . . . . . . . . . Made eye contact with her
Colic. . . . . . . . . . . . A sheep dog
Coma . . . . . . . . . . . . A punctuation mark
Congenital . . . . . . . . . . . Friendly
D & C. . . . . . . . . . . . . Where Washington is
Diarrhea . . . . . . . . . . . Journal of daily events
Dilate . . . . . . . . . . . To live longer than your kids do
Enema. . . . . . . . . . . . Not a friend
Fester . . . . . . . . . . . Quicker than someone else
Fibula . . . . . . . . . . . A small lie
Genital. . . . . . . . . . . Non-Jewish person
G.I. Series. . . . . . . . . . World Series of military baseball
Grippe . . . . . . . . . . . Suitcase
Hangnail . . . . . . . . . . Coat hook
High Colonic . . . . . . . . . . . Jewish religious service
Hospital . . . . . . . . . . The biggest building in town
Impotent . . . . . . . . . . Distinguished, well known
Intense Pain . . . . . . . . . . . Tortue in a teepee
Labour Pain . . . . . . . . . Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff. . . . . . . . A Doctor’s cane, sometimes shown with a snake
Morbid . . . . . . . . . . . A higher offer than I bid
Nitrate . . . . . . . . . . Cheaper than day rate
Node . . . . . . . . . . . . Was aware of
Outpatient . . . . . . . . . A person who has fainted
Pap Smear. . . . . . . . . . Fatherhood test
Pelvis . . . . . . . . . . . Cousin to Elvis
Post Operative . . . . . . . Letter carrier
Prostrate . . . . . . . . . . . Flat on your back
Protein . . . . . . . . . . . Favouring young people
Recovery Room. . . . . . . . Place to do upholstery
Rectum . . . . . . . . . . . Damn near killed him
Rheumatic . . . . . . . . . . . Amorous
Scar . . . . . . . . . . . Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion. . . . . . . . . . Hiding something
Seizure. . . . . . . . . . . Famous Roman Emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section
Serology . . . . . . . . . . . Study of knighthood
Tablet . . . . . . . . . . . A small table to change babies on
Terminal Illness . . . . . . Getting sick at the train station
Testicle . . . . . . . . . . . Examination for ticklishness
Tibia . . . . . . . . . . . Country in North Africa
Tumour . . . . . . . . . . . . An extra pair
Urine . . . . . . . . . . . . Opposite of you’re out
Varicose . . . . . . . . . . Located nearby
Vein . . . . . . . . . . . Conceited
 

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