Anybody got a teenage daughter ?

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LTD

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I have ........

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk your horn you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your trousers ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the film, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Forth Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
1. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
2. Places where there is darkness.
3. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
4. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat may be more appropriate.
5. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay.
6. Football games are okay.
7. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five hundred acres of land at my disposal.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid,
the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
This may come as a surprise to you... but...


  1. Girl's have hormones too, at least as powerful as boys'.
  2. The boys hanging around your daughter are exactly like you were 30 years ago.
  3. Your daughter is exactly like the girls you were hanging around 30 years ago.
  4. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.
  5. Not all men have drunk the feminist kool-aid like you apparently have.
 
This may come as a surprise to you... but...


  1. Girl's have hormones too, at least as powerful as boys'.
  2. The boys hanging around your daughter are exactly like you were 30 years ago.
  3. Your daughter is exactly like the girls you were hanging around 30 years ago.
  4. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.
  5. Not all men have drunk the feminist kool-aid like you apparently have.

Oh dear ...............................
 
Yeah, it's always "fun" when it takes the piss out of men, and it is always "misogyny" or something equivalent when it is directed at women.
 
This may come as a surprise to you... but...


  1. Girl's have hormones too, at least as powerful as boys'.
  2. The boys hanging around your daughter are exactly like you were 30 years ago.
  3. Your daughter is exactly like the girls you were hanging around 30 years ago.
  4. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.
  5. Not all men have drunk the feminist kool-aid like you apparently have.

Goes to the cupboard to find the lost sense of humour....Ahh there it is..:D:D
 
Give me another 20 - 30 years and this will be me. With exception to the shot gun. It will probably be a rifle. That and I'll have my cigars to hand.
 
iscaboy

I have two teenage daughters, 15yo and 19yo. The eldest is just back from a week in Ibiza with her friends.

I just found it a funny anecdote....................
 
It certainly is funny.

But I find it strange that my girlfriends father is not like this at all. If anything it's slightly scary that he isn't. Then again I don't fit the stereotype for most 21 y/o males.
 
I have a 6'5" mate who is a 2nd dan and who has 2 daughters (eldest only 11 at the moment)

He will be a scary sight to a spotty 'erbet in due course

We've 'joked' about getting the model of a tazer from Ebay and mounting it in the hallway in full sight of prospective boyfriends....

Any other ideas entertained

We suffered in our time, why shouldn't they.....:D
 
iscaboy - its just a joke....:wallbash:
 

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