Being a good neighbour

[Mr. B]

Yesterday evening I was in the kitchen preparing tea for me and Mrs.B, who was on her way home from work, when the door bell rang. My door bell has a mind of its own, numerous times it rings but nobody is there and I’m convinced it’s my late father who’s come back to torment me.
Regardless of this I decided to answer the door just in case it was Mrs.B who couldn’t open the door for whatever reason. If it was and I didn’t it would be an evening of ‘picture no sound’.
Stood at the door was my elderly neighbour who was in a confused state. He asked whether he could borrow my phone because he was trying to contact members of his family but his phone wasn’t connecting.

He was clearly upset and I managed to establish that he was unable to wake his wife up who had been sleeping. Fearing the worst I cancelled events in the kitchen and accompanied him home to the bedroom where his wife was, sadly my fears were true and she had passed away.
I then had the unpleasant task of sitting him down in the lounge and explaining that his wife had died. I think deep inside he already knew but initially and understandably he didn’t want to accept it. Obviously he was devastated and embraced me, which is something I never did with my own father under any circumstances. He held his grip until he managed to compose himself and then I sat him down and told him what needed to be done with regards reporting her death.

Ambulance and Police arrived shortly afterwards and did what they normally do under such circumstances. During the process i discovered more about my neighbour and his wife ie. how and where they first met, where and when they bought their first house. It turned out that they had been a couple for 66 years. To me 66 years is a mile stone I won’t reach and I felt sorry for him in that all he has left now are memories.

I do worry that his wife’s passing will have a detrimental effect on his health. He has family who live some distance away but me and Mrs.B will keep an eye on him to make sure he is ok.
I suppose the purpose of the post is just to get the events of yesterday evening off my chest and post them on an anonymous bb where I don’t know anybody personally and nobody knows me apart from my slightly tongue in cheeky posting history.

Not everybody has a friendly relationship with their neighbour and I feel a little contentment in that I was able to offer some assistance to someone in need.
Apologies for the rather somber post.

 

[Flyinspanner]

Well done for helping him.

 

[Abb]

You will never know just how grateful your neighbour and his family will be for your actions yesterday. For all intense purposes, you are a complete stranger, offering comfort and support at such a devastating time for this gentleman.

As bizarre as this may sound, I am pleased you have posted this. This will also have affected you (more than you realise possibly) and no doubt was not easy to write such a post.

I speak from experience, I have dealt with numerous 'sudden deaths' (as this will have been referred to over the police airwaves) in my previous occupation as well as having to be the bearer of bad news and deliver 'that' message to peoples loved ones.

No words can describe how either event(s) left me feeling, never did speak about it.......didn't do me any favours!

Do keep an eye on him, he will need you now more than ever.

 

[saff]

A sad and moving story.

 

[Deleted member 6183]

Good work Mr B, I only wish that I could be as sensitive as you in the circumstances.

However, you have to wonder about his family (if offspring) who decide to move many miles away from their responsibilities.

 

[NOMONEYBUTAMERC]

Nice of you to have helped him out in "his hour of need" . He is lucky to have you for a neighbour and I am sure he is very appreciative of your help. He is obviously in his 80`s/90`s and may well be suffering from dementia or alzheimers . My mother , at 93 was recently diagnosed with alzheimers and when , three weeks ago , her next door neighbour passed away suddenly , found it hard to comprehend that her "friend" was dead, "she was only 82" . The fact that they were not in the least friendly towards each other for at least three years has totally passed her by.

 

[Deleted member 37751]

However, you have to wonder about his family (if offspring) who decide to move many miles away from their responsibilities.

It’s possible (and very common) that their children went to university at 18 and stayed away and then they went on to have kids who did the same.

I have old school friends who will only see their immediate family once a year tops; I suppose leaving your home and your hometown at a relatively young age generates a certain solitude?

 

[sirius9]

Well done. Hopefully the support you gave will give him the strength until his immediate family arrives.

 

[Deleted member 113659]

It’s possible (and very common) that their children went to university at 18 and stayed away and then they went on to have kids who did the same.

I have old school friends who will only see their immediate family once a year tops; I suppose leaving your home and your hometown at a relatively young age generates a certain solitude?

yep.

 

[NOMONEYBUTAMERC]

It’s possible (and very common) that their children went to university at 18 and stayed away and then they went on to have kids who did the same.

I have old school friends who will only see their immediate family once a year tops; I suppose leaving your home and your hometown at a relatively young age generates a certain solitude?

Or the parents may have moved.

 

[artyman]

Sadly we live in a fragmented society now, the days of local family support have disappeared. I used to keep an eye on my neighbour after his wife died, one day found him collapsed on the kitchen floor. He reckoned I saved his life as he could have been there for who knows how long. He also sadly died last year, and in some ways I miss going over to chat to him. We need to become a more caring society, recent events of the manifestation of mental illness can I think be partly down to insufficient contact between us all as neighbours, I'm sure it would help keep us grounded in reality.

 

[Swotty]

Yes, well done Mr. B.

His family should rally round but, as already said on here, many families are now fragmented and scattered in this modern age. It is important that he tells everyone concerned, and perhaps he may need a little help with this.

 

[Bellow]

Stood at the door was my elderly neighbour who was in a confused state. He asked whether he could borrow my phone because he was trying to contact members of his family but his phone wasn’t connecting.

.

He came looking for you and you did right by him. He will appreciate that.

My aunt reckons bereaved husbands suffer worse than widows as they find it harder to fend for themselves with the day to day stuff that a 'wife' very likely did throughout their lives together. I suspect she is correct.

 

[219]

Good work Mr B, I only wish that I could be as sensitive as you in the circumstances.

However, you have to wonder about his family (if offspring) who decide to move many miles away from their responsibilities.

In fairness, I moved 70 miles across country 20 years ago because that’s where I found work .

I still returned regularly to see my mum , who still had my two sisters in the same town , until she passed away 18 months ago .

 

[219]

Yesterday evening I was in the kitchen preparing tea for me and Mrs.B, who was on her way home from work, when the door bell rang. My door bell has a mind of its own, numerous times it rings but nobody is there and I’m convinced it’s my late father who’s come back to torment me.
Regardless of this I decided to answer the door just in case it was Mrs.B who couldn’t open the door for whatever reason. If it was and I didn’t it would be an evening of ‘picture no sound’.
Stood at the door was my elderly neighbour who was in a confused state. He asked whether he could borrow my phone because he was trying to contact members of his family but his phone wasn’t connecting.

He was clearly upset and I managed to establish that he was unable to wake his wife up who had been sleeping. Fearing the worst I cancelled events in the kitchen and accompanied him home to the bedroom where his wife was, sadly my fears were true and she had passed away.
I then had the unpleasant task of sitting him down in the lounge and explaining that his wife had died. I think deep inside he already knew but initially and understandably he didn’t want to accept it. Obviously he was devastated and embraced me, which is something I never did with my own father under any circumstances. He held his grip until he managed to compose himself and then I sat him down and told him what needed to be done with regards reporting her death.

Ambulance and Police arrived shortly afterwards and did what they normally do under such circumstances. During the process i discovered more about my neighbour and his wife ie. how and where they first met, where and when they bought their first house. It turned out that they had been a couple for 66 years. To me 66 years is a mile stone I won’t reach and I felt sorry for him in that all he has left now are memories.

I do worry that his wife’s passing will have a detrimental effect on his health. He has family who live some distance away but me and Mrs.B will keep an eye on him to make sure he is ok.
I suppose the purpose of the post is just to get the events of yesterday evening off my chest and post them on an anonymous bb where I don’t know anybody personally and nobody knows me apart from my slightly tongue in cheeky posting history.

Not everybody has a friendly relationship with their neighbour and I feel a little contentment in that I was able to offer some assistance to someone in need.
Apologies for the rather somber post.

Well done for doing the right and decent thing .

I don’t need to add to what others have said beyond I hope some good karma comes round to you .

 

[Deleted member 6183]

It’s possible (and very common) that their children went to university at 18 and stayed away and then they went on to have kids who did the same.

I have old school friends who will only see their immediate family once a year tops; I suppose leaving your home and your hometown at a relatively young age generates a certain solitude?

In fairness, I moved 70 miles across country 20 years ago because that’s where I found work .

I still returned regularly to see my mum , who still had my two sisters in the same town , until she passed away 18 months ago .

I understand the reasons and I fully expected to move away myself after being away at university, what you are in your early 20s your parents are young enough to look after themselves usually.

My Mum would be in a mess if I wasn't there for her right now, she's living in my house and could not cope by herself but, I suspect, she would not be admitted to a home either. Perhaps I should have buggered off when I had the chance, too late now.

As an aside a mate of mine went to live in Australia when she was young, had a family and when her parents retired they moved to be near their grandchildren. My mate was none to chuffed with this so she swiftly moved again to some island 1000km away!

 

[grober]

The vulnerability quotient for the survivor doubles when one member of a couple passes away. Where an elderly couple can often "muddle thro" the individual left on their own sadly can't. If your neighbour doesn't have a personal monitoring alarm system and an access key safe it might be an idea to encourage him to get these now. Well done for helping him in his hour of need.

 

[Deleted member 113659]

I am right in saying that (some) folk in my my age (46) range have somewhat of a balancing act with young and old?

Looking after/worrying about your children as well as your parents.
Ten years ago my only concern was my daughter. In ten years that’ll swing to my parents. (Meaning they’ll need more of my time than our daughter)
At the minute, it’s both.

 

[Deleted member 6183]

I am right in saying that (some) folk in my my age (46) range have somewhat of a balancing act with young and old?

Looking after/worrying about your children as well as your parents.
Ten years ago my only concern was my daughter. In ten years that’ll swing to my parents. (Meaning they’ll need more of my time than our daughter)
At the minute, it’s both.

AKA The sandwich generation.

 

[Deleted member 113659]

AKA The sandwich generation.

I was not aware there was a name for them/us. Never heard that before. After googling I feel a right T!t.