Child Support

[davidjpowell]

Hi

Trying to get some practical advice on my current sittuation.

My partner has a 12 yr old from a previous relationship. Up until now he has lived with us and his dad has reluctantly paid maintenance for him. This has been saved for his future and I have effectively paid for everything for the past five years (which I am quite happy to have done so, please do not misunderstand).

Due to a number of issues over the past 3 months he has now gone to live with his dad. We have grave reversations about this, and whether it is good for him, but we felt that we could only put off the inevitable for so long and the strain of constant rows was affecting our 3 year old.

His dad is an agressive bully, who in the past has attacked both my and partenr and me, although 200 miles now reduces the risk to verbal and text attacks. He is now asking me for maintenance. My partner does not work, so her only income is Child Allowance for our daughter. I pay for everything else.

I am hoping that I am right that the CSA could not take my income into account? I really resent his assumption that I should pay to bring up his son!

If anyone has any information that would help I would be grateful!

David

 

[Sp!ke]

Are you and your partner married?

 

[franey]

He can only claim from his ex, (your missus) via the CSA. If she has no income then he can claim a very very minimal amount (about £20 per month). He must make the claim via the csa and can only start the claim once they have contacted her.
The claim will be one based on the new system and not on the old 'maintenance' system.
To summarise, without going into it too much, he will get virtually nothing so sleep easy.

And if you are married to his ex, it does not matter, he can only claim from her.

 

[davidjpowell]

Are you and your partner married?

Nope, not at the moment.

 

[scooter]

franey 100% right the law states if you are not the father/mother and you live with the father/mother it is not your responsibilty but if he is in your house you can spoil he/she if you like

 

[carnut]

Seek professional advice; first stop Citizens advice Bureau. Next stop :1 hr free advice from a local solicitor

That will give you the right advice and you can then sleep easy.

The advice above is well meaning and probably correct but Im not sure about the bit of whether you are married or partners..this can be a murky area with social services and CSA. and other Govt bodies

PS very unusual for the Father to get custody of a 3 year old if the Mother wants to keep the child:what more is there to this?

 

[scooter]

to be on the safe side and to be 101% citizens advice bureau especially the way the law changes

 

[franey]

To be even safer why not ring the CSA?

They will tell you exactly, better still your partner should call them.

 

[franey]

Seek professional advice; first stop Citizens advice Bureau. Next stop :1 hr free advice from a local solicitor

That will give you the right advice and you can then sleep easy.

The advice above is well meaning and probably correct but Im not sure about the bit of whether you are married or partners..this can be a murky area with social services and CSA. and other Govt bodies

PS very unusual for the Father to get custody of a 3 year old if the Mother wants to keep the child:what more is there to this?

ERMM!! Ahem.... The 3 yr old is staying put, DJ is the Daddy.
It's the twelve year old who has moved out to go stay with his own Daddy.

 

[Sp!ke]

Is the father working or is he on benefits?

If the former, I don't think the CSA will take much interest in the case (as it won't save the government any money) and anyway, if they do your income wont be taken into account so payments will be minimal.

All said and done however, regardless how bad the father is or how bitter the situation may be, you have to rise above it all by taking the lead and do whats best for your stepson and if the right thing happens to be offering some financial support as well as emotional support then it shouldn't be ruled out if you are able imho.

One day, said stepson will understand the situation and see things for what they really are.

One thing I've learnt from a similar position is to always be polite, considerate and utterly reasonable. This completely disarms the other party to the point where they can no longer remain so unreasonable and very quickly diffuses difficult situations. You'd be surprised how much more you can achieve taking this route with much less stress than digging your heals in.

All imvho of course.

 

[flango]

Hi

Trying to get some practical advice on my current sittuation.

My partner has a 12 yr old from a previous relationship. Up until now he has lived with us and his dad has reluctantly paid maintenance for him. This has been saved for his future and I have effectively paid for everything for the past five years (which I am quite happy to have done so, please do not misunderstand).

Due to a number of issues over the past 3 months he has now gone to live with his dad. We have grave reversations about this, and whether it is good for him, but we felt that we could only put off the inevitable for so long and the strain of constant rows was affecting our 3 year old.

His dad is an agressive bully, who in the past has attacked both my and partenr and me, although 200 miles now reduces the risk to verbal and text attacks. He is now asking me for maintenance. My partner does not work, so her only income is Child Allowance for our daughter. I pay for everything else.

I am hoping that I am right that the CSA could not take my income into account? I really resent his assumption that I should pay to bring up his son!

If anyone has any information that would help I would be grateful!

David

You got mail! just sent you a PM

 

[andy_k]

Franey has summed it up pretty much perfectly.

Get her to ring the CSA

My other half works for them so if she can be of any help (strictly off the record) then feel free to ask

 

[davidjpowell]

Thank you for all your kind help/advice above. Yet again it proves the forums value above and beyond the marque!

 

[bigyin1]

From a lot of personal experience with the CSA, all they are concerned with are the parents of the child and what they earn and any other children living with them. Since you are the partner of the childs mother what you earn is irrelevant, you could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter. They only care what your partner earns and any children living with the "absent parent"; nothing else, not about your outgoings, any debts you may have, any mortgage payments, nothing, just earnings.

However, i would add, Irrespective of the CSA in this case (which is only concerned with money) i would be more worried about your partners Ex and his potential actions towards yourself, your partner and most importantly his son which he is now in charge of from a legal point of view. Any issues with your family life aside - are you and your partner both 100% happy with him living at his fathers?

 

[pammy]

David - I feel for you - but it will work out in the end.

CSA is now part of CMEC - Child Maintenance Enforcement Commision, The Commission as they like to be called. They have a key responsibilty for improving the way child maintenance works. CSA rates were only ever the minimum maintenance that should be paid for children by the absent parent. A court could and will award a higher settlement if they see fit depending on the circumstances and they can take into account other household income.

In this kind of case there is only one thing to do and that is to go and get your free half hour legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in family law.

Chances are he won't have any recourse to claim against you, but that doesn't stop him making the claim if he is that way out and potentially costing you large amounts of money in legal fees. For your own peace of mind - please go and see a solicitor for specific advice based on your specific circumstances.

The rules with CSA processes etc are geared towards people in receipt of benefit.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/YourMoney/DG_4003043

Gives some basic advice - but note the use of the word normally. And that's why you need to see a solicitor.

hth

 

[davidjpowell]

From a lot of personal experience with the CSA, all they are concerned with are the parents of the child and what they earn and any other children living with them. Since you are the partner of the childs mother what you earn is irrelevant, you could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter. They only care what your partner earns and any children living with the "absent parent"; nothing else, not about your outgoings, any debts you may have, any mortgage payments, nothing, just earnings.

However, i would add, Irrespective of the CSA in this case (which is only concerned with money) i would be more worried about your partners Ex and his potential actions towards yourself, your partner and most importantly his son which he is now in charge of from a legal point of view. Any issues with your family life aside - are you and your partner both 100% happy with him living at his fathers?

I think that neither of us is very happy with him living there. His dad is a self employed contract cleaner and does well, but works through the night. In recent times he has been letting my step-son go to work with him overnight. When we complained about that he changed it so he picked him up at 2am and told him not to tell us. Mind you it was pretty obvious that evening!

His dad concentrates on being his made, which I do not believe is right. I prefer to be responsible, but it is obvious which avenue a 12 yr old would prefer. Given that his behavior at school and at home was terrible, plus not ideal towards our 3 year old, the decision was made for him to give it a go at his dads. I'm hoping that day to day will persuade him to become more responsible, and that my stepson will take the advantage of a clean sheet at a new school.

Pammy thanks for your advice, it is sound, although I will wait a little before I incur legal costs, as at the moment he is only hinting. I am just trying to protect myself as best I can.

Kind regards

David

 

[scumbag]

Pammy thanks for your advice, it is sound, although I will wait a little before I incur legal costs, as at the moment he is only hinting. I am just trying to protect myself as best I can.

Kind regards

David

Right, (no shocks that I have read this thread please). You want to protect yourself, and as Pammy and a few other have already said, you need professional advice. The best thing this forum can do is tell you that to protect yourself, you need professional advice. Therefore, go get professional advice.

Right, now the easy bit, get that advice FOR FREE. That means, first of all, contacting family lawyers. Most will talk on the phone and tell you whats what and where to go to get it. Most will do that for free. Some will invite you in, give you advice and tell you at what point they will need to charge.

There, thats that taken care of, and now you have the benefit of finding out professional advice for free, that will either compliment what has already been said, or add the bits missing to what has already been said. I am careful not to say contradict, but I know the law can be different to everyone, therefore where something may be right for some, it may require modification for others depending on circumstances.

Now the other bit of your quote I added here: "as at the moment he is only hinting"

The word Chancer springs to mind. But why not eh? threaten, or hint, and see the money come in. You have already said he has been a bully, or dangerous or whatever. So take him on. Be as prepared as you can be, do not give an inch and do not tell him anything. Then, next time he hints, using already mentioned techniques, calmly say "see you in court!" and leave it at that. It works even more effectively if you say it while looking right into their eyes.

Either you will call his bluff, or you will know what the score is and he will lose. And the reason you know all this, and that this is the way to deal with it, is........................you have got the professional advice you need.

Quickest way to disarm a bully is to show him who is boss. They soon cave in.




I would just like to add......I am not experinced in the matters of the CSA, nor do I have any idea who is right, or who is more right. What I do know is, people have told about their experinces. All of which will most probably, have been advised at from a professional.

This forum is not the "free advice" centre. Its a group of people with a shared passion. Therefore, by all means ask and see what people tell you, most will undoubtly tell you the pit falls, but not one will ever advise " DO NOT seek Professional advice". Thats because, it will cost you more if you don't

So scam and blag your way round the yellow pages and discuss your problem with several professional advisers including the CSA and CAB and work out what you need to do then.

Then come on here listing what you did and what it achieved and what the next course of action is, and everyone will know what you did. It may even work for them in the furture.


That said, I really do wish you all the best, and I hope this does not cause you any grief at all.

After a post like this, I feel I am getting old.

 

[oldcro]

Excellent advice Scumbag, like many others here you pointed davidjpowell in the right direction as to the next steps needed. Nobody trying to be Internet Lawyers just offering sensible advice. Isn't this a great forum.

 

[scumbag]

yes.

I think this says it all really clinky

 

[davidjpowell]

Scumbag - you speak as an old wise one indeed

I would never not take advice when needed, but the help that I have recieved together with my own research has at least made me fairly happy that I understand the sittuation, as far as I need to at this time.

My stance will indeed involve long runs and short piers, but it helps to have a basic understanding of the rules (for instance if it was pre 2003 I may have been in trouble I think).

Anyway thanks again to everyone. I hope to make it to a gtg sometime, - if I am allowed now that I in the dark side!

David