Drastic measures by first-time house buyers

[clk320x]

Especially with having to give her 50% of everything.

With all the 'equality' stuff nowadays, if in a divorce the women holds the assets, does she have to give 50% to the husband? or does equality only work one way. In which case is it equality at all?

 

[Darrell]

With all the 'equality' stuff nowadays, if in a divorce the women holds the assets, does she have to give 50% to the husband? or does equality only work one way. In which case is it equality at all?

I suppose it depends on the husband and how good his solicitor is.

 

[AMGeed]

That raises another good question, should we be helping our children with deposits to get on the property ladder? My eldest at 21 is just beginning to save for a deposit and is desperate to move with her partner instead of sharing a bedroom.

She is still planning on taking 1 last major holiday this year before committing all her disposable in a lifetime ISA. I commend her for trying to buy than rent and eventually she will inherit from us.

The question is would it be better to try and help her with the deposit now when she needs it or will we be "spoiling her" again, I was thinking of saying whatever you save toward the deposit over 2 years we will match it....

I would be interested in what other parents on here in a similar position have done/think, we did not receive parental help at her age but managed to secure a 100% mortgage with 12% interest rates....

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An interesting discussion and one that I can relate to.
Way back in 1982 I managed buy my first 3 bed semi in Poole for the princely sum of £21 500 with a £2k deposit I'd saved over the course of 4 years. On moving in I was gifted £1500 to install central heating and then watched as the interest rates on my mortgage soared to around 15%. My mortgage nearly doubled and I struggled to pay it every month. Worked 7 days a week for over a year in the building industry in all weather and it nearly killed me, but I saw it through and no longer have a mortgage.

Fast forward to 2017, and my eldest daughter with an 18month old child is working part time starting at 6am to help save for a house. Her husband earns reasonable money at around £30k a year, but with a £38k student loan to pay off and extortionate rent of £950 a month for a shoebox of a flat, the Bank of Dad helped out with the deposit for a modest 3 bed terraced home in Poole for £230k. Without our help, they would still be saving to get a minimum 10% deposit in 10yrs time. The savings have taken a hit, and my plan to get a Biturbo this year may be over, but I'll be doing it again for my youngest when she is ready to buy. It's the least we, as parents, can do to get our children on the housing ladder. Throwing money away on rent every month is stupid if we can assist them.

 

[Rich H]

If I could afford it I would rather help my daughter with a deposit than have her try to save whilst paying rent.
If she is renting she is just helping somebody else make money.

 

[Scott_F]

When my daughter was travelling the far east last year she met an English girl who had just finished her five year uni education and seemed totally unfazed that she was in £72k worth of debt

I hope she gets a job as a lottery winner as she is going to need it.

Kenny

It's possible that she was unfazed as her parents had everything covered.

 

[clk320x]

and my plan to get a Biturbo this year may be over

The 55k will do

 

[Deleted member 65149]

Not too sure. His parents left him their house in Mill Hill and he was already well off when that happened.
We think the main reason is that he took his divorce from my mum very badly and ended up a very bitter man. Especially with having to give her 50% of everything. We reckon the reason he left us nothing was in case any of us got divorced and the family jewels would end up with an ex-spouse.
Crazy thinking I know but there you go.

We have since found out that he thought we sided with our mum at the time which of course was a complete load of tosh.

In many ways I can empathise with him. I never had a house left to me but I did go through a bitter divorce. The “everything” on which the 50% split was calculated comprised a very conservative estimate of our house value plus our potential future earnings. She had few qualifications and only had low paid work, whilst I’d funded all the house through well paid work and was about to take early retirement with a full pension. So the financial split was very much in her favour. My thoughts at the time were that she still only wanted me for my money so ****ing have it. I just agreed to everything for a clean and final break. It was worth it to be shot of her and I finished up a lot happier (and still am) than I had been for many years.

In the following years she put pressure on both our children to not have me at their weddings, so not wanting to ruin their big days I stayed away. She’s with someone else now and I can’t help wondering how much he’s enjoying living in a house paid for through my hard work. My thoughts are now that I hope the two children we had together will one day inherit that estate that I built up. They know that there’s likely to be nothing for them from me because I have a new life with a very talented and hard working wife with whom we have built ourselves up to be reasonably comfortable. Not only does she deserve all that I have, but with a very young daughter together they’re the obvious recipients of my estate now. My two older children fully understand and are financially secure anyway.

 

[Deleted member 65149]

With all the 'equality' stuff nowadays, if in a divorce the women holds the assets, does she have to give 50% to the husband? or does equality only work one way. In which case is it equality at all?

My answer to Darrell’s post tells you my experience of “equality”.

 

[clk320x]

My answer to Darrell’s post tells you my experience of “equality”.

That sucks mate, good on you for keeping me your head up and working your way back up.

 

[Darrell]

In many ways I can empathise with him. I never had a house left to me but I did go through a bitter divorce. The “everything” on which the 50% split was calculated comprised a very conservative estimate of our house value plus our potential future earnings. She had few qualifications and only had low paid work, whilst I’d funded all the house through well paid work and was about to take early retirement with a full pension. So the financial split was very much in her favour. My thoughts at the time were that she still only wanted me for my money so ****ing have it. I just agreed to everything for a clean and final break. It was worth it to be shot of her and I finished up a lot happier (and still am) than I had been for many years.

In the following years she put pressure on both our children to not have me at their weddings, so not wanting to ruin their big days I stayed away. She’s with someone else now and I can’t help wondering how much he’s enjoying living in a house paid for through my hard work. My thoughts are now that I hope the two children we had together will one day inherit that estate that I built up. They know that there’s likely to be nothing for them from me because I have a new life with a very talented and hard working wife with whom we have built ourselves up to be reasonably comfortable. Not only does she deserve all that I have, but with a very young daughter together they’re the obvious recipients of my estate now. My two older children fully understand and are financially secure anyway.

My mum was about to fulfil her dream to become a teacher when she got pregnant with me and she went on to have 2 more children. She was the typical housewife of the time doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing and taking care of the household finances. My dad worked and played golf and cricket. My dad went from living with his mum to living with my mum. He couldn’t even boil an egg.
My mum eventually began work as a teacher in the mid eighties.

When they divorced in 2001 the family home in Mill Hill was sold for nearly £700,000 which was a hell of a lot of dough. My dad already had another house in the same area that was left to him by his parents and was rented out! My mum didn’t want anything to do with that.

The family house was sold and they went there separate ways. We 3 got married and both parents were welcome and whenever grandchildren came along again both parents were welcome, in fact the only person that moaned was... my dad!!

I suppose my mum came out of it financially well but why not. She put in as much effort as my dad but just in a different way. My dad didn’t need all that money, he had loads tucked away. Even the £1000 for the Jaaaag I gave him was found on the mantel piece in the same envelope 14 months after he died!.

 

[Deleted member 126251]

That raises another good question, should we be helping our children with deposits to get on the property ladder? My eldest at 21 is just beginning to save for a deposit and is desperate to move with her partner instead of sharing a bedroom.

She is still planning on taking 1 last major holiday this year before committing all her disposable in a lifetime ISA. I commend her for trying to buy than rent and eventually she will inherit from us.

The question is would it be better to try and help her with the deposit now when she needs it or will we be "spoiling her" again, I was thinking of saying whatever you save toward the deposit over 2 years we will match it....

I would be interested in what other parents on here in a similar position have done/think, we did not receive parental help at her age but managed to secure a 100% mortgage with 12% interest rates....

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I'd help her if she was not having the flash holidays etc and the property would have to be in her name......and if you have the cash spare. My wife and i have decided that we are going to spend every penny we have before we die ...not going without so we can "leave it to the kids" - we've done out duty setting him up in life and the rest is for us

 

[WDB124066]

High rises on leased land may make things cheap enough.....since you decided to let every Tom, **** and Harry into Britain.

 

[Darrell]

High rises on leased land may make things cheap enough.....

Around my way now and especially in Hendon near the Met Police college and in Colindale and west Hendon hundreds & hundreds of boxy little studio and 1 bed flats have been built. Most of them have been bought as renters and even Chinese investment companies are buying up complete blocks to rent out.

 

[Darrell]

High rises on leased land may make things cheap enough.....

Around my way now and especially in Hendon near the Met Police college and in Colindale and west Hendon hundreds & hundreds of boxy little studio and 1 bed flats have been built. Most of them have been bought as renters and even Chinese investment companies are buying up complete blocks to rent out.

 

[Darrell]

High rises on leased land may make things cheap enough.....

Around my way now and especially in Hendon near the Met Police college and in Colindale and west Hendon hundreds & hundreds of boxy little studio and 1 bed flats have been built. Most of them have been bought as renters and even Chinese investment companies are buying up complete blocks to rent out.

 

[Darrell]

Oh dear, a triple post. I was on the train!!

 

[E53AMG]

I'd help her if she was not having the flash holidays etc and the property would have to be in her name......and if you have the cash spare. My wife and i have decided that we are going to spend every penny we have before we die ...not going without so we can "leave it to the kids" - we've done out duty setting him up in life and the rest is for us

That is the flip side and angle taken by my wife, I was only going to assist with the deposit and her partner would be putting in 50% of the deposit so unfortunately I cannot insist the house is in her name (as much as I would like to). It would deplete our pension pot slightly but I have recently built up a business which I am hoping will be able to plug the gap, damn having girls is expensive got to save for 2x weddings also, but I want to know they are set up ok before I pop my clogs and the SL500 is keeping me content [emoji1]

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[E53AMG]

Oh dear, a triple post. I was on the train!!

I thought you had developed a literacy stutter [emoji23][emoji23]

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[Deleted member 113659]

damn having girls is expensive got to save for 2x weddings also,

Genuine question here but is this still the case?

I thought the modern way was everyone chips in including the Bride & Groom? Maybe wishful thinking on my part.

 

[E53AMG]

Genuine question here but is this still the case?

I thought the modern way was everyone chips in including the Bride & Groom? Maybe wishful thinking on my part.

Well my Father in Law really pushed the boat out for us so I have always felt obliged, however maybe providing help for a deposit releases that old fashioned obligation, comments here will be interesting..?

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