Rasputin
Member
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2002
- Messages
- 43
I felt a bit depressed when this notice appeared on the noticeboard in my company :-
To: All Employees over 40 years of age
As a result of automation, as well as a declining in work-load, Management must, of necessity, take thorough steps to reduce the current work force. A “Reduction of Employees” programme has been devised which seems the most equitable under the circumstances.
Under the plan, older employees will be placed on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of employees who represent the future of the Company.
Therefore, a programme to phase out the older personnel – over 40 by the end of the year – will be put into effect immediately. This programme will be known as “RAPE” (Retirement, Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to seek jobs elsewhere in the Company provided that whilst RAPED they request a review of their employment status before actual retirement takes place.
This phase will be known as “SCREW” (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may apply for a final review.
This phase will be known as “STUFFED” (Study of Termination of Use For Further Education and Development).
Programme policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but can get STUFFED as many times as the Management sees fit.
Personnel Manager
To: All Employees over 40 years of age
EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAMME
As a result of automation, as well as a declining in work-load, Management must, of necessity, take thorough steps to reduce the current work force. A “Reduction of Employees” programme has been devised which seems the most equitable under the circumstances.
Under the plan, older employees will be placed on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of employees who represent the future of the Company.
Therefore, a programme to phase out the older personnel – over 40 by the end of the year – will be put into effect immediately. This programme will be known as “RAPE” (Retirement, Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to seek jobs elsewhere in the Company provided that whilst RAPED they request a review of their employment status before actual retirement takes place.
This phase will be known as “SCREW” (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may apply for a final review.
This phase will be known as “STUFFED” (Study of Termination of Use For Further Education and Development).
Programme policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but can get STUFFED as many times as the Management sees fit.
Personnel Manager
