Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[Swotty]

 

[Bellow]

 

[markjay]

Conspiracy theorists need not worry about Bill Gates' nanorobots.... they are designed to enter the blood stream and look for the brain.

 

[Bellow]

 

[Deleted member 113659]

 

[Nicebutdim]

I had a work colleague who told me of his visit to a vasectomy clinic.

The nurse led him into a small room, gave him a receptacle and asked him to provide a sample.

She left the room to allow him some privacy.

He provided a sperm sample.

When the nurse returned he handed her the sample. “What’s this?” She asked.

She had wanted a urine sample.

 

[Deleted member 159894]

I had a work colleague who told me of his visit to a vasectomy clinic.

The nurse led him into a small room, gave him a receptacle and asked him to provide a sample.

She left the room to allow him some privacy.

He provided a sperm sample.

When the nurse returned he handed her the sample. “What’s this?” She asked.

She had wanted a urine sample.

I so hope that this Is true.

 

[Deleted member 113659]

 

[poormansporsche]

I so hope that this Is true.

Along similar lines.... and actually true ......

When you have IVF treatment, after a period of medication and the eggs are removed from the woman, the man only has a finite amount of time to provide a "sample". If the bloke cannot "perform" in the timescale he is whizzed off to have it removed "surgically" and charged 1500 quid for the pleasure of having your balls cut open.


When this was put to my mate "Dave" he suggested that the 1500 quid would be better served going in the back pocket of one of the lovely underpaid nurses to flash their baps for a couple of minutes, as that would do the trick in no time.

Dave nursing a black eye from the wife was asked to find another clinic

 

[DSM10000]

 

[Nicebutdim]

I so hope that this Is true.

Yes. Me too. It was my boss at the time (over thirty years ago) who told me this.

it has stayed with me all this time. The feelings of embarrassment must have been exquisite.

 

[ChipChop]

 

[Chrishazle]

Yes. Me too. It was my boss at the time (over thirty years ago) who told me this.

it has stayed with me all this time. The feelings of embarrassment must have been exquisite.

I've never forgotten a conversation with an American I was working with in about 1974 about his visit to a "walk in" vasectomy clinic in Texas where he was told the procedure was quick and painless. the procedure involved an injection of something like Novacain into the sperm tube connecting the testicle to the penis - one for each testicle. Painless - no chance, the pain after the first one was immense, and he said the worst moment in his life was finally coming down from the pain of the first one and realising he still had one to go!

 

[Nicebutdim]

I've never forgotten a conversation with an American I was working with in about 1974 about his visit to a "walk in" vasectomy clinic in Texas where he was told the procedure was quick and painless. the procedure involved an injection of something like Novacain into the sperm tube connecting the testicle to the penis - one for each testicle. Painless - no chance, the pain after the first one was immense, and he said the worst moment in his life was finally coming down from the pain of the first one and realising he still had one to go!

I remember my brother asking me what it was like following my vasectomy. I told him it was nothing really. Just like having a knife plunged into your scrotum. I remember the surgeon cutting through my plumbing and the thought passing through my mind that he was snipping 2.5 twin & earth.

i still shudder at the memory.

 

[Flyinspanner]

What do you call a bonfire of bagpipes?
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A start….

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[Deleted member 159894]

View attachment 118304

Signed up for ancestry.com then?

 

[ChipChop]

Signed up for ancestry.com then?

Another post from the Dr F Botfarm.

 

[DSM10000]