Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[DSM10000]

 

[Swotty]

Gerald Ratner: " I created the worst PR in history"

Harry: "Hold my spliff"

 

[DSM10000]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[addbuyer]

.

 

[DSM10000]

 

[Mactech]

Nicked from elsewhere as I think its clever

Fans of the Radio 4 programme "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" will be familiar with the Uxbridge English Dictionary. What they may not know is that there is now a French version as well.

Tarte au citron- kerb crawling in a 2CV
Canard- very difficult
Chateau Lafite- misjudging a French squat toilet
Derrière- Northern Irish folk song
Rhine - precipitation in Birmingham
Coq au vin - badly behaved Ford Transit driver
Haricot- Seb’s brother
Gaston- victim of someone’s flatulence
Toulouse- one upstairs, one downstairs
Chateaubriand - went to the bathroom at Brian’s
Chateauneuf du Pape- ninth visit to the toilet by my father
Citron pressé - written off
Coup de grace - lawn mower
Alsace - Albert's bottom
Mêlée - Scary Spice's older sister
l'eau de toilette - what my dog insists on drinking!
Fruits du mere - horse dung
Fin de cycle - The bike's knackered
Amuse bouche - highly entertaining topiary
Sacrebleu - I think you'd better get the doctor to look at that..
Mange Tout - exclamation of surprise when preceding the word "Rodney".
Cul de Sac - A trip to the vets for you, my lad
Charge d’affaires - bus conductor.

One of my drivers (who was very good at that!) used to use a very rare rare form of communication know as Franglais rhyming slang....
Classics included such gems as:
Oueff on bateau.....
Sur la valise.... I have an official drivers report claiming I was 'SLV' with a certain issue with the car!
When he needed the bathroom, he was 'Off for a Frazer'. (Clue: Famous old car using chain drive....)
Anyone who can decipher any of this is probably more deranged than he was!

 

[SpikyMikey]

One of my drivers (who was very good at that!) used to use a very rare rare form of communication know as Franglais rhyming slang....
Classics included such gems as:
Oueff on bateau.....
Sur la valise.... I have an official drivers report claiming I was 'SLV' with a certain issue with the car!
When he needed the bathroom, he was 'Off for a Frazer'. (Clue: Famous old car using chain drive....)
Anyone who can decipher any of this is probably more deranged than he was!

I got two of the three - the first one is still eluding me.
My fave 'Franglais' are:
Avant-Garde - front bumper.
Tant Pis - my mother's sister uses the lavatory.

 

[Mactech]

I got two of the three - the first one is still eluding me.
My fave 'Franglais' are:
Avant-Garde - front bumper.
Tant Pis - my mother's sister uses the lavatory.

Egg on boat (race!)......

 

[DSM10000]

Egg on boat (race!)......

Fraser Nash - Slash!

 

[SpikyMikey]

Egg on boat (race!)......

Aaah

 

[SpikyMikey]

Fraser Nash - Slash!

A bit like the Scottish rhyming slang "I'm away for a single fish"

 

[GrahamT]

 

[m80]

Elon Musk He no agree.

 

[DSM10000]

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

You'll be needing a Tesla for that, Sir.

 

[MikeInWimbledon]

Olive and Andrew Cotter don't come out well in this.

 

[baxlin]

Olive and Andrew Cotter don't come out well in this.




View attachment 135786

Some weeks ago, WH Smith had you-know-whose book on sale for half price (presume pre-order) £14…

 

[NJSS]