Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)

[Swotty]

Chap on Bondi Beach saw a shark approaching a young child who was swimming 50 yards off the beach.

He ran forward, grabbed a knife from a party BBQ, dived into the water, grabbed the shark and sliced its throat.

He picked up the child and trudged ashore. He was greeted by dozens of clapping Aussies.

“A fine demonstration of typical Australian courage” one said.

“Australian? The chap said….I’m from Liverpool”

Next day the Headline in the Sydney Morning Herald said:

“POMIE SCOUSE KNIFE THIEF MURDERS LITTLE GIRLS PET FISH”

 

[ALFAitalia]

 

[DSM10000]

We used to drive on the left - now we drive on what's left!

 

[poormansporsche]

 

[ALFAitalia]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[NJSS]

 

[fabes]

My daughter's just starting as BA Long Haul cabin crew and I have sent her that one for any nervous flyers....

 

[NJSS]

Another for your daughter:-

 

[SpikyMikey]

And another

 

[Slartibartfast]

 

[Chrishazle]

Once upon a time BA Long Haul was called BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corporation) - which as a former BOAC hostie told me, stood for "Better On A Camel"!!

 

[DSM10000]

Once upon a time BA Long Haul was called BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corporation) - which as a former BOAC hostie told me, stood for "Better On A Camel"!!

Do you remember SABENA?

Such a bloody experience, never again!

I travelled Brussels with SABENA along with a vegetarian colleague who ordered vegetarian meal.

He was served two pieces of bread with salami.

When he questioned this the rather haughty Stewardess replied "Well there is not much meat on it!"

 

[BPD07]

Do you remember SABENA?

Such a bloody experience, never again!

I travelled Brussels with SABENA along with a vegetarian colleague who ordered vegetarian meal.

He was served two pieces of bread with salami.

When he questioned this the rather haughty Stewardess replied "Well there is not much meat on it!"

The airline who perfected “the shrug” as a response for all questions.

 

[DSM10000]

The airline who perfected “the shrug” as a response for all questions.

"What is the problem? We didn't crash!"

 

[SpikyMikey]

Once upon a time BA Long Haul was called BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corporation) - which as a former BOAC hostie told me, stood for "Better On A Camel"!!

A bit like TWA.
Trans World Airlines, or Try Walking Across.

 

[Dippo]

Flying into Zaventem one night on Sabena, we were on final approach when suddenly it was full power on and bank hard left. The first announcement was in Flemish, and I though 'No, he didn't really say that', then it was French, and I thought 'Really?, and finally English - "Sorry - traffic on the runway."

I'll say one thing for the pilot - his first reaction was power hard on, his second was turn, and his third was to flip off the 'no smoking' lights'.

 

[DSM10000]

Flying into Zaventem one night on Sabena, we were on final approach when suddenly it was full power on and bank hard left. The first announcement was in Flemish, and I though 'No, he didn't really say that', then it was French, and I thought 'Really?, and finally English - "Sorry - traffic on the runway."

I'll say one thing for the pilot - his first reaction was power hard on, his second was turn, and his third was to flip off the 'no smoking' lights'.

Aviate, navigate and communicate in that order is the basis of any pilot training