flying haggis
MB Enthusiast
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- A house in Norfolk
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- CLS shooting brake, SWMBO has B class
I’ve always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics or Football please)
- Thread starter Deleted member 37751
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- englishman girl jokes met
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- Winford Isle of Wight
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- AMG Line Premier Plus Estate C220d
REMOVED
See below
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See below
Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics please) | OT (OFF Topic) Forums
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- Joined
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- Near Salisbury
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- MX5 1.8 Sport, Range Rover 5.0 SC, BMW X1
SpikyMikey
MB Enthusiast
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- Nov 4, 2020
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- 7,072
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- The Sunny South Coast
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- BMW F31 330i LCI M Sport Shadow Edition Black Series AMG Touring
It took me a moment.....
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- Near Salisbury
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- MX5 1.8 Sport, Range Rover 5.0 SC, BMW X1
Take all the time you need.....
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully.
If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2,
how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?
A very angry Johnny: Because ... I've already got a chuffin' cat !!!
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully.
If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2,
how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?
A very angry Johnny: Because ... I've already got a chuffin' cat !!!
SpikyMikey
MB Enthusiast
- Joined
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- 7,072
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- The Sunny South Coast
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- BMW F31 330i LCI M Sport Shadow Edition Black Series AMG Touring
These days it needs an increasing amountTake all the time you need.....
ALFAitalia
MB Enthusiast
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- 2010 Mercedes W212 E Class E350 CDI Sport, 2006 Mercedes W169 A Class A170.
Last Christmas my in-laws bought me rollerblades from Poundland.
Cheapskates.
Cheapskates.
ALFAitalia
MB Enthusiast
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- Bognor Regis
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- 2010 Mercedes W212 E Class E350 CDI Sport, 2006 Mercedes W169 A Class A170.
flying haggis
MB Enthusiast
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2011
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- 2,024
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- A house in Norfolk
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- CLS shooting brake, SWMBO has B class
My car wouldn't start this morning.
I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine block.
He said: "Good day to you Sir! And might I remark how splendid you look today?"
I knew the problem straight away.
Bat flattery
I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine block.
He said: "Good day to you Sir! And might I remark how splendid you look today?"
I knew the problem straight away.
Bat flattery
SpikyMikey
MB Enthusiast
- Joined
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- The Sunny South Coast
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- BMW F31 330i LCI M Sport Shadow Edition Black Series AMG Touring
A similar thing happened to me. I was in a rather upmarket drinking establishment, enjoying a pint of Creme De Menthe and free dry roasted peanuts , when I heard a voice say " My Goodness, you really suit that shirt you're wearing. And the jacket - just sublime. Matches your shoes perfectly"
I mentioned the voices to the barman.
With a knowing look, he said:
"Ah, not to worry. It's the bar snacks.
They're complimentary"
Chrishazle
MB Enthusiast
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- 2008 S204 C220CDI Elegance Estate Auto, 2008 R171 facelift SLK280 Auto.
Will someone please post a joke worthy of at least a chuckle rather than a "Get your coat" groan!!
- Joined
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- 2022 Hyundai IONIQ 5 RWD / 2016 Suzuki Vitara AWD
Will someone please post a joke worthy of at least a chuckle rather than a "Get your coat" groan!!
Oy! We're on a streak here!
StMarks
MB Enthusiast
How about a sugar joke for you then Chrishazle.?Will someone please post a joke worthy of at least a chuckle rather than a "Get your coat" groan!!
Jokes about white sugar are rare.
But jokes about brown sugar?
Demerara.
- Joined
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- C Class Estate. Vito Van 119 W447 XLWB
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I would, but I had a massive row with my missus last night. I swapped our mattress for a trampoline and she hit the roof!Will someone please post a joke worthy of at least a chuckle rather than a "Get your coat" groan!!
flying haggis
MB Enthusiast
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2011
- Messages
- 2,024
- Location
- A house in Norfolk
- Car
- CLS shooting brake, SWMBO has B class
I accidently sent an embarrassing picture of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only was it mortifying, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
Not only was it mortifying, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2022
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- South West Scotland
- Car
- C Class Estate. Vito Van 119 W447 XLWB
Did you watch ‘Strike’ last night by any chance?
flying haggis
MB Enthusiast
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2011
- Messages
- 2,024
- Location
- A house in Norfolk
- Car
- CLS shooting brake, SWMBO has B class
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be
upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
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