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ioweddie

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An elderly lady handed her bank card to a bank cashier and said, “I would like to withdraw £10 please".The cashier told her, “For withdrawals less than £100 please use the ATM machine.”The elderly lady wanted to know why.The cashier returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”The elderly lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the cashier and said, “I wish to withdraw all the money that I have in my account.”The cashier was astonished when she checked the account balance to see almost £500,000 in the account and said to the lady "the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow"?The elderly lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.The cashier told her up to £3,000."Well, please let me have £3,000 now", she said, and the cashier then handed it, very friendly and respectfully to her.The elderly lady then put £10 in her purse and asked the cashier to deposit £2,990 back into her account.THE MORAL OF THIS TALE;Don't be difficult with elderly people, they've spent a lifetime learning the skills.
 

DITTRICH

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I took my son to the pub for his first drink. I bought him 10 different drinks but he didn't like any of them. So I drank them all.
The upshot of this was, I was so pissed I had to call the missus to come and pick me up. Pushing a pram when you're legless is way too difficult.
 

Nicebutdim

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E320 cdi avantgarde 2007. Honda Goldwing GL1800. 1975 Norton 850 Commando. 1975 Suzuki GT750.
Just got he latest edition of viz magazine. Not really a joke but made me laugh out loud. In the profanosaurus section was......

”Dispatch war rocket Ajax”

As in “please excuse me, i just need to go and dispatch war rocket Ajax”.

i hope no further explanation is necessary.
 

Nicebutdim

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E320 cdi avantgarde 2007. Honda Goldwing GL1800. 1975 Norton 850 Commando. 1975 Suzuki GT750.
Big game today at Longleat safari park
 

Nicebutdim

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E320 cdi avantgarde 2007. Honda Goldwing GL1800. 1975 Norton 850 Commando. 1975 Suzuki GT750.
Man being interrogated by police says “Im not saying anything without my lawyer present”

police reply “but you are a lawyer”

Man says “so where is my present?”
 

Nicebutdim

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E320 cdi avantgarde 2007. Honda Goldwing GL1800. 1975 Norton 850 Commando. 1975 Suzuki GT750.
Penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman “have you seen my brother?”
Barman replies “Don’t think so. What does he look like?”
 

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