An old widowed golfer and a widow had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the elderly gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently," she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a guy who looked like a Syrian refugee, sneaking through my next door neighbours garden.
Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smashed him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.
He then dug a grave, put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished I got back into bed.
My wife said "You are shaking what is it"?
"You'll never believe what I've just seen I said"
"That C##t next door still has my shovel".
2011 SL 350 Fire Opal Red|||2016 Land Rover Discovery|||1973 MGB GT V8|||1959 MGA Roadster
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women (I'm sorry..... but our PC society demands I change this to "women of size" talking at the bar. They all spoke with a heavy brogue accent.
I made an unfortunate assumption that their accents appeared to be Scottish.... so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales.... you bloody idiot!"
So I immediately apologized.... and replied, "I am so sorry! Are you three whales from Scotland?"