Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics please)

[Deleted member 113659]

 

[moonloops]

How did the prehistoric shark cause its washing machine to break?

Yep, he put a megalodon it

 

[Deleted member 113659]

 

[D-18]

Like the sense of humour from these guys:

 

[Peter103]

Paddy finished his drink, last orders had been and gone, it was time for home, he stood up from the table and fell over, unable to get up he crawled to the door and went out, dragged himself back up, took one step and down he went, he didn't live far from the pub so thought it best to crawl home. At his front door he dragged himself up managed to unlock, and fell into the hall,cursing he dragged himself upstairs fell onto the bed and slept. Next morning he opened his eyes to see his wife glaring at him. "I expect you had a good drink last night", she said. " How do you know that", said Paddy. "The pub just phoned to say you left your wheelchair in the bar".

 

[moonloops]

I did a poo near Stonehenge, I used a stick to form it in to a rough diagram on the ground. The locals are calling it an alien crap circle.

 

[AMGeed]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were stranded in a forest and managed to catch a deer.
They all wanted their fair share so the Englishman said "We'll sort it out by whichever football team you support"

The Englishman said "I support Liverpool, so I'll have the liver.
The Scotsman said, "I support Hearts, I'll have the heart"
The Irishman said "I support Ar$enal, but I'm not that hungry"

 

[D-18]

Evolution.....

 

[Deleted96908]

.

 

[Darrell]

Paddy goes into a florist and asks for a bunch of flowers for his wife.

“What’s it for?” asks the florist.

“A blow job” replies Paddy.

 

[MD5]

Paddy goes into a florist and asks for a bunch of flowers for his wife.

“What’s it for?” asks the florist.

“A blow job” replies Paddy.

Ah yes, I remember my first blow job well. It was a bit salty, but it got me off games!

 

[Darrell]

Paddy goes into the sperm clinic and the lab assistant asks him if he’d like the cup.

“F**k me!” He exclaimed, “. I’ve only just started!”

 

[Peter103]

Oops!

 

[Peter103]

Oops again! B#gger!

 

[baxlin]

Oops again! B#gger!

Suppose that’s one way to get your post count up!

 

[DSM10000]

Suppose that’s one way to get your post count up!

Off topic posts do not count though

 

[Flyinspanner]

 

[DoberMan]

My Boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini.
I said "Wow, that's an amazing car."

He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in and strive for excellence,
I'll get another one next year."

 

[Peter103]

A white horse went into a pub and asked for a pint of beer.
The barman said, we've got a whiskey named after you.
The horse said, what, Dobbin?

 

[markjay]

There's a town in Denmark that always stresses me. It's called Hagen. I just can't cope in Hagen.

(Heard on Radio 4)