Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics please)

[ioweddie]

Oldies but goodies. Think any of these would fly today? The last one is the best?

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[DoberMan]

Just goes to show what a load of bunkum advertising is, and still is.

 

[moonloops]

I don't like abbeys.

I think I'm cloisterphobic.

 

[moonloops]

Which football player suffers from the worst wind?





Harry Kane.

 

[bob6600]

 

[bob6600]

 

[D-18]

You know you are a true Scot if...........

Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know hiz used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin
clarty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag
dubble nugget

 

[Wolfie1]

Amurny is the only 1 i have never heard of before

 

[bob6600]

 

[moonloops]

You know you are a true Scot if...........

Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know hiz used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin
clarty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag
dubble nugget

Try pronouncing Sciennes in Edinburgh

 

[bob6600]

 

[bob6600]

 

[rockits]

UNFORTUNATE NAMES

 

[moonloops]

UNFORTUNATE NAMES

View attachment 83092

Ufuk Uras - Wikipedia

 

[John N]

Amurny is the only 1 i have never heard of before

Better spelling Am urny!

Op Forgot:

Gonnienodaethat (Actually heard on the Phone to the Tax Office in East Kilbride)
and
Uryenogonnienodaethat
and
Nawamno
and
Nawyerno

Apologies to all for the Post High-jack!

 

[markjay]

Not new, quite the opposite in fact...:

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[bob6600]

 

[moonloops]

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest ?



















... an investigator

 

[BMF]

 

[D-18]

Recent photographic evidence recovered from the wreckage indicates what may have happened to MH 370....