Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics please)

[ioweddie]

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[ioweddie]

This may make you feel better... In the following analysis the French Professor Bruno Dubois Director of the Institute of Memory and
Alzheimer's Disease (IMMA) at La Pitié-Salpêtrière -
Paris Hospitals / addresses the subject in a rather reassuring way:
"If anyone is aware of his memory problems, he does not have Alzheimer's."
1. I forget the names of families ..
2. I do not remember where I put some things ..
It often happens in people 60 years and older that they complain
that they lack memory. "The information is always in the brain,
it is the "processor" that is lacking." This is "Anosognosia" or
temporary forgetfulness.Half of people 60 and older have
some symptoms that are due to age rather than disease.
The most common cases are
- forgetting the name of a person,
- going to a room in the house and not remembering why we were going there,
- a blank memory for a movie title or actor, an actress,
- a waste of time searching where we left our glasses or keys ...
After 60 years most people have such a difficulty, which indicates
that it is not a disease but rather a characteristic due to the passage of years ..
Many people are concerned about these oversights hence the importance of the following statement:
"Those who are conscious of being forgetful have no serious problem of memory."
"Those who suffer from a memory illness or Alzheimer's, are not aware
of what is happening."
Professor Bruno Dubois, Director of IMMA, reassures the majority of people concerned about their oversights:
"The more we complain about memory loss, the less likely we are to suffer from memory sickness."

Now for a little neurological test:
Only use your eyes!
1- Find the C in the table below!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you have already found the C, then find the 6 in the table below.
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3- Now find the N in the table below.
Attention, it's a little more difficult!
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

If you pass these three tests without problem:
- you can cancel your annual visit to the neurologist.
- your brain is in perfect shape!
- you are far from having any relationship with Alzheimer's.
So, share this with your over-55 friends, it can reassure them... or scare the heck out of them, depending on how they do.

 

[BEJ]

This may make you feel better... In the following analysis the French Professor Bruno Dubois Director of the Institute of Memory and
Alzheimer's Disease (IMMA) at La Pitié-Salpêtrière -
Paris Hospitals / addresses the subject in a rather reassuring way:
"If anyone is aware of his memory problems, he does not have Alzheimer's."
1. I forget the names of families ..
2. I do not remember where I put some things ..
It often happens in people 60 years and older that they complain
that they lack memory. "The information is always in the brain,
it is the "processor" that is lacking." This is "Anosognosia" or
temporary forgetfulness.Half of people 60 and older have
some symptoms that are due to age rather than disease.
The most common cases are
- forgetting the name of a person,
- going to a room in the house and not remembering why we were going there,
- a blank memory for a movie title or actor, an actress,
- a waste of time searching where we left our glasses or keys ...
After 60 years most people have such a difficulty, which indicates
that it is not a disease but rather a characteristic due to the passage of years ..
Many people are concerned about these oversights hence the importance of the following statement:
"Those who are conscious of being forgetful have no serious problem of memory."
"Those who suffer from a memory illness or Alzheimer's, are not aware
of what is happening."
Professor Bruno Dubois, Director of IMMA, reassures the majority of people concerned about their oversights:
"The more we complain about memory loss, the less likely we are to suffer from memory sickness."

Now for a little neurological test:
Only use your eyes!
1- Find the C in the table below!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you have already found the C, then find the 6 in the table below.
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3- Now find the N in the table below.
Attention, it's a little more difficult!
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

If you pass these three tests without problem:
- you can cancel your annual visit to the neurologist.
- your brain is in perfect shape!
- you are far from having any relationship with Alzheimer's.
So, share this with your over-55 friends, it can reassure them... or scare the heck out of them, depending on how they do.

 

[BEJ]

I found all the letters but I can't remember why I was looking for them.

 

[Mr. B]

*Coronavirus Alert*

I have several rolls of toilet paper for sale.

Only used one side.

Open to offers.

 

[m80]

Open to offers.

Remember share a bath?
Share a toilet and then both sides can be used.

 

[MD5]

 

[Mr. B]

 

[Mr. B]

 

[Deleted member 113659]

 

[flying haggis]

Just got back from the supermarket, they have blocked off every other space in the car park.

They claim by keeping everybody spaced apart it will stop the spread of car-owner virus

 

[D-18]

 

[Swotty]

 

[Mr. B]

Top Tip.

Next time you find yourself in a long queue at the local supermarket due to panic buying start coughing

 

[AMGeed]

^ There was a time when you used to have to cough to cover a fart.
Now you have to fart to cover a cough

 

[AMGeed]

The answer to the toilet paper shortage is here

 

[Deleted member 6183]

The answer to the toilet paper shortage is here
View attachment 93257

I actually remember that issue of VIZ, I can recall the office where I was working and for that reason could even date it with some accuracy.

 

[Mr. B]

^ There was a time when you used to have to cough to cover a fart.
Now you have to fart to cover a cough

Every time I fart these days I have to double check to make sure it was a fart

 

[Chrishazle]

One of the cardinal rules given to me by a cousin about turning 60 was "never trust a fart". The second was "never turn down the opportunity of a pee", not sure I can allowably post the third!!