Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics please)

[Nicebutdim]

I bought a box of Cadbury Animals.

It said on the box “do not eat if seal is broken”

The seal was broken. So was the tiger, the elephant, and the horse. I had to throw them away.

 

[Abb]

 

[Nicebutdim]

Earlier today I was walking through the local churchyard when a bloke popped up from behind a tombstone.

“Morning” i said.

“No” he said “ i was having a dump”

 

[flying haggis]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[AMGeed]

 

[Abb]

 

[Abb]

 

[Deleted member 37751]

I swear I've just seen Michael J Fox in my local Garden Centre.

Can't be 100% certain though as he had his Back to the Fuchsia...

 

[markjay]

In what State is Trump way ahead?
.
.
.
.
.
Denial

 

[ChrisEdu]

View attachment 104979

I'd much rather play with the dishwasher though!

 

[Nicebutdim]

A man came into our local library with the hem of his trousers folded over.

I thought “that’s a turn up for the books”

 

[flying haggis]

View attachment 104954

that will stop her sucking her fingers

 

[Williamwoo]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[DSM10000]

 

[Nicebutdim]

My doctor struggled to diagnose my premature ejaculation. For some time it was touch and go.

 

[poormansporsche]

View attachment 104979

Nice pair of mixing bowls on the dishwasher

 

[ioweddie]

Copied from the other side:

Be careful, people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually, I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together

Smile and Stay Safe