That's what the French say about the EnglishI thought our DNA was 98 % chimpanzee. So I'm genetically nearer to a chimp than a Frenchie. Phew
Even more new jokes... (No UK Politics please)
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Big William
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Or possibly a French Chimpanzee?I thought our DNA was 98 % chimpanzee. So I'm genetically nearer to a chimp than a Frenchie. Phew
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I went to my GP this morning and asked if my excessive masturbation might be causing my eyesight to fail.
"You're in Halfords, mate!"
"You're in Halfords, mate!"
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Mine’s blue.
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- Joined
- Sep 16, 2004
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- 1,145
- Location
- Leven, Fife / Northampton
- Car
- 2006 320 CDI Avantgarde . 1997 312d Sprinter
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there.
The little boy says ''It's dark in here''
The man replies ''Yes, it is''
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$100"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy - "$200"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$300"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again!'
The little boy says ''It's dark in here''
The man replies ''Yes, it is''
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$100"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy - "$200"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$300"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again!'
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Had a really lovely fathers day card and large bottle of malt whisky delivered today.
Unfortunately when I opened the card it wasn't signed.
The whiskey turned out to be a bottle of P***
Wonder how the B*****d found out my address.
A Very Merry Christmas to one and all.............................Steve...
Unfortunately when I opened the card it wasn't signed.
The whiskey turned out to be a bottle of P***
Wonder how the B*****d found out my address.
A Very Merry Christmas to one and all.............................Steve...
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Are you a Lobster?
A blonde woman was stopped by a blonde policewoman for speeding.
"I will need to see your driving licence" said the blonde policewoman.
The blonde driver searched through her handbag but couldn't find it.
"What does it look like?" she asked the blonde policewoman.
"It's a square thing with your picture on it" she replied.
The blonde driver finally found a square mirror in her handbag, looked at it and said "Oh here it is" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde policewoman took it, looked at it then handed it back saying, "Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you were a police officer ....... you are free to go"
"I will need to see your driving licence" said the blonde policewoman.
The blonde driver searched through her handbag but couldn't find it.
"What does it look like?" she asked the blonde policewoman.
"It's a square thing with your picture on it" she replied.
The blonde driver finally found a square mirror in her handbag, looked at it and said "Oh here it is" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde policewoman took it, looked at it then handed it back saying, "Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you were a police officer ....... you are free to go"
Fastcar155
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As you are not earth I pray she has a good looking sister
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