carnut
Active Member
[SIZE=+1]Grandpa talking to his grandson[/SIZE]
One evening a boy was talking to his grandfather about current events. He asked him what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. His Granddad replied, Well, let me think a minute. I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There weren't things like radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, and he hadn't walked on the moon. Your grandma and I got married first -- then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother, normally only one of each. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir' and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.' In our time, closets were for clothes, not for 'coming out of.' Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family, helping those in need, and just visiting with family or neighbours. We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends -- not condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the Queens speeche on radio. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. Pound stores where you could actually buy things for a pound. Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a bus, and a Pepsi were all 2 old pence. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your 5p on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new MG for £600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 5 shillings a gallon. In my day, 'grass' was mowed, 'coke' was a cold drink, 'pot' was something your mother cooked in, and 'rock music' was grandma's lullaby. 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, 'chip' meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hardware store, and 'software' wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us old and confused and say there is such a generation gap. And I'm only 59 years old.
One evening a boy was talking to his grandfather about current events. He asked him what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. His Granddad replied, Well, let me think a minute. I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There weren't things like radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, and he hadn't walked on the moon. Your grandma and I got married first -- then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother, normally only one of each. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir' and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.' In our time, closets were for clothes, not for 'coming out of.' Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family, helping those in need, and just visiting with family or neighbours. We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends -- not condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the Queens speeche on radio. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. Pound stores where you could actually buy things for a pound. Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a bus, and a Pepsi were all 2 old pence. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your 5p on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new MG for £600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 5 shillings a gallon. In my day, 'grass' was mowed, 'coke' was a cold drink, 'pot' was something your mother cooked in, and 'rock music' was grandma's lullaby. 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, 'chip' meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hardware store, and 'software' wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us old and confused and say there is such a generation gap. And I'm only 59 years old.
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- You can eat dinner at 5 P.M.
- You can live without sex but not without glasses.
- You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
- You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
- You sing along with elevator music.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Your health plan is beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
- You can't remember who sent you this list.
SIGNS OF WEAR:
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
- "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
