Hi, my name's Chris and I'm a ...

[Deleted96908]

• Severe breathing issues (yet 99% or better O² saturation)
• Very tight chest
• Pounding heart (extreme in my case)
• Transient very high BP - but not a commensurate rise in pulse rate!
• Increased audio startle response - head in arms with hands covering ears
• Loss of voice
• Inability to concentrate
• Enhanced empathy (not a problem, but very noticeable)
• Feeling of ice cubes in my heart
• And.... the feeling of impending doom

A̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶l̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶s̶e̶c̶o̶n̶d̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶w̶e̶e̶k̶s̶.̶

Just wanted to clarify that I'd (edit: probably) be dead if I suffered all of the above for weeks at a time. But, I can and do frequently suffer all of the above for several minutes, but in the case of weeks at a time, it might just be breathing issues, startle response (along with Mick Jagger) and one or more of the other symptoms. Sorry to alarm folks who've just messaged me outside of MBC.

 

[John]

My doc, whom I adore, thought it was adrenal cancer, such was the severity of the issue. Apparently it's a difficult one to detect, and in my case, I had 2 x 24 hour urine tests, with the receptacle containing a reagent (?) of some sort. Thankfully it revealed no abnormalities. Which is the same for all the tests I've had. Zero obvious physical issues.

Which is incredible when you consider, as far as the docs and I know, that all these symptoms are being generated in, or by my mind. I don't say brain because the functions we associate with our brain, are known to be handled by much more than the grey tissue in our head.

Finally ( for now ) I'd like to raise a couple of points about the wider issues in play here and this jumps back to the candour we have jointly shared. The government is failing to deal with what is rapidly becoming an epidemic. Had anxiety and depression in general been a physical issue with obvious visual symptoms, the government would be giving it more attention. But as it's not, it remains one of those promises of action that's failing to get the attention it needs. Incidentally, I am life long friends with a senior govt. behavioural psychologist in the EU. She is currently in an employment dispute because she refuses to massage figures (reduce negativity) for a govt. committee. Over the past 20 years she has seen a huge increase in reported and non reported (observed) mental health issues, which her govt, like the UK, are refusing, or incapable, of taking seriously.

In lieu of govt. action, and beyond the assistance of our own families, friends and.. forums, there are the charities. These for the most part, do a great job, but one wonders whether the more they do, the less the govt. feels they need to do. Much of this is I guess down to the govt. being let off the hook because of the stigmas associated with revealing one's own condition. Perhaps if more folks put their hands up in a #mindmetoo initiative, they'd be forced to take more immediate action.

As great as I feel the NHS is, I don't think they are really geared up for this side of things. I think this in part because I acknowledge how much of a task was to sort my own sht out, it must be infinitely more difficult for someone else even if you are a professional.

It may well be because you are not presenting an issue which has a definite cause that can be tested for and potentially (hopefully) be cured.

CBT didn't really help me at all and apart from Beta Blockers, there was nothing else they could really offer. And because I am quite stubborn, I refused to take blockers as I felt sure I could sort my own issues out.

I think modern life is probably in some way to blame. If you think about how productivity has increased since the introduction of automation and computers, it seems more is expected from people than ever before.

Then there are the usual responsibilities in life.

I'd even go so far as to say things like news agencies and other such easily-available information is possibly causing a perception overload. I felt so much better when I stopped reading the news every day at lunch time. They sensationalise everything to increase their own bottom line.

 

[Deleted96908]

Then it hit me out of the blue, I was waking up in the mornings angry at the world, I felt like crying and on occasions did, slept badly and could not understand where this anger was coming from.

Yes, where does that anger come from? In my case I get angry with myself, and try not to take it out on others. Not always so successful though.

Number of years later and up to drinking at least a litre of vodka a day and beers, of course my liver failed.

I think we forget, when we are quick to criticise or draw conclusions, that many dependencies have roots in emotional issues. And perhaps, if treatment was closer at hand, maybe we wouldn't continually reach for the £10 temporary cure.

First thing I did was see a nutritionist, cut out alcohol completely for a long time (as this can cause anxiety by itself) and things started to improve from there gradually.

We've discussed this before John - not so much the reasons for the change, but the change itself. Congratulations for taking it by the scruff of the neck and for coming out the other side. I am sure the many silent sufferers reading your experiences, and the experiences of others who seen similar improvements, will take comfort from what you've said.

I suffer from anxiety and imposter syndrome.

What a great opening statement.

How does your anxiety manifest itself? Do you mind sharing?

I’m quite timid in real life, but not online, where I’ve chance to refine my messages and make sure I’m happy with what I’m posting before I do. IRL, I often stay quiet through fear of saying something wrong or putting my foot in it. That’s part of what lead me to drinking heavily throughout my 20s, as I’d gain confidence I’d spent the whole day lacking.

I was telling a mutual friend of ours how meticulous I felt your posts were and how one day I was about to post a 'retort' about something you wrote on the grit spreading thread. And then realised that what you'd written was not only correct, but had corrected one of my own falsely held beliefs. And your post and the explanation it contained, was word perfect.

I always have to try to trust my own knowledge and not dismiss it as “probably false” as soon as it’s disputed. Trouble is, then you’re arrogant and or argumentative. How am I supposed to get this balance right?!

But who's to say what is ok and what's not. If we agree with Russell (What I believe), then there are no rights and wrongs, just agreements between like minded people. But I take your broader point, which in part drives my reluctance to offer more opinions here on MBClub. I'd simply never shut up. As it is, there's times where I just can't keep quiet, pointing out today in the Politics thread that:

For example, how could Corbyn possibly be advised by Trotskyists in any meaningful way given the single biggest belief of Trotsky was that a state should undergo continual revolution

So if we believe the nonsense spouted by the ill-educated right wing press and parliamentarians alike, Corbyn isn’t going to wait for a general election, instead he’s going to seize power in the streets and thereafter shuffle around the country by train, maintaining the reach of the regime, just as Trotsky did.​

Chris you seem to be fairly well the opposite, I.e confident in real life, but not online, which seems paradoxical to me, which goes to show even if two people share some mental struggles, you still can’t put both in the same box.

Yes we do seem to be occupying different ends of the same carriage, but one that takes us both in the same direction. And, perhaps we should spend less time peering over seat backs and instead share the experiences of the journey together.

 

[Deleted member 131833]

You have made me realise my life is not too bad, we all have problems mine are minor compared to yours.

Good luck in the future, I read your posts with interest, they are well thought out and interesting to read.

Lang May yer lum reek

 

[MercedesDriver]

Sorry but can't help thinking what are you doing on here, relapse?

Sent from my SM-G955F using Tapatalk

I’m learning from more experienced MB enthusiasts.

 

[Deleted member 113659]

You have made me realise my life is not too bad, we all have problems mine are minor compared to yours.

I read your posts with interest, they are well thought out and interesting to read.

Hear Hear. I echo everything in your post. Very interesting thread indeed.

 

[Deleted96908]

You have made me realise my life is not too bad, we all have problems mine are minor compared to yours.

Good luck in the future, I read your posts with interest, they are well thought out and interesting to read.

Lang May yer lum reek

Thank you Romeo4. I've noticed your posts too, which you make with admirable élan.

I have no complaints really. I've led what most people would consider an extraordinary (and lucky?) life and share my current health situation not so much for help or sympathy, but that I might reach out and help others. And the first step along that path is in revealing one's own situation, with all the obvious vulnerabilities that might entail. If I share, perhaps others might share too. For one thing is for sure, this is a widespread problem, concealed largely behind the stigma that an unthinking society attaches to it.

Best wishes,

Chris