I should have done something

[SarahAnn200]

Feel free to delete this if inappropriate but I will pop it on for now. Last Monday, me and my partner were in his car (so as a passenger I can gaze around and see more) and we were driving along and I saw what I thought was a lady but couldn't be sure (dressed head to toe in black including pom pom hat and she was waving at a car going in the opposite direction. Further up the road, there was what I thought was a jogger but he stopped sort of pretend jogging and started walking. I thought that's weird. Asked my partner if he'd seen it all, he didn't. I said what if he's attacked her and made a run for it? My partner said, you are the one that says never stop the car on lanes for anyone since you saw it on tv and it was a scam to rob the car owners. Ok i thought but it didn't seem right and should we have turned around. I do dramatize and wondered if it was one of those where they are working together to steal the car.
Fast forward to today and I read on facebook the local police saying there is a man in custody after a sexual assault, same day, time, place. They caught him up the road a few minutes later.
I feel so dreadful for not turning around to help the lady. I rang 101 today and told them everything and they have my details etc but I feel so awful to think she was in distress and I did nothing. The person on 101 said a car did stop but I hate thinking I did nothing. That poor woman. He is in custody so it must have been bad. The person on 101 said we shouldn't have stopped but I think I would if it ever happened again.

 

[saff]

Your feelings are understandable and I sympathise. For what its worth I think you did the right thing. Unfortunately there are some horrible people out there trying to abuse people's kindness and good nature. Again unfortunately a genuine case of need may go by without help due to this. I would have done what you did. Try not to beat yourself up too much.

 

[markjay]

Your feelings are about your own actions... you feel you didn't live-up to the moral standards that you have set for yourself.

As for the lady... if this is of any consolation, your actions would have made no difference, because the perpetrator was apprehend anyway a few minutes later.

And in any event, you only had a few minutes to evaluate the situation and take action. Things tend to be seen in a much clearer light when considered in retrospect than they do in real time.

 

[SarahAnn200]

Thank you. I just feel so terrible that I now know she was in need and I was too worried that it might be a trick. I would feel a lot worse if they hadn't got him though I suppose. 11am in daylight, she was just out walking like we all do.

 

[Petrol Pete]

Similar, many moons ago. Stopping at a suburban junction while riding my motorbike I spotted a bloke and a woman scrapping outside a house in broad daylight. As this was the the days before 'rampant' knife crime , I was young and fit and wearing bike leathers , gloves and a crash helmet I decide to intervene to help the lady out.

In the time it took me to move my bike and kick the stand down two (not fully dressed) women of a 'certain' size and differing ages burst out of the house and started to get real 'medieval' on this guy he went down in the road and the last I saw in my mirrors as I rode away was 3 angry females battering him as he tried to crawl away. Discretion being the better part of valour I decided it would be foolish to intervene

OP, don't beat yourself up. We live in difficult times as far as crime goes. It's a tough call.

 

[Deleted member 149005]

It is always difficult to review such events through the prism of hindsight.

It is only a small consolation that whatever happened has already happened and the (alleged) perpetrator was picked up shortly afterwards.

You had no way of knowing it wasn't a set up and that you weren't the intended victim

 

[MCFastybloke]

You can now call the police and see if anything you did see is relevant to them now.

 

[SarahAnn200]

You can now call the police and see if anything you did see is relevant to them now.

Hi, I did call the police on Sunday morning as soon as I saw their post on facebook about it. I'm a witness and they said they would get in touch if they need anything else. It's just that I wish I had done something to help the lady at the time. If that had been me, I would have been begging for drivers to stop and help me. It just wasn't clear at the time what had just happened. Thank God they caught him and he is in custody waiting for court

 

[Flyinspanner]

You had seconds to notice someone on the other side of the road (?) waving to a car going in opposite direction (her friend/her Uber) .... and then see someone jog/walking further up the road.

Your partner didn’t even register him.

I think you are doing yourself a disservice berating yourself, the majority of us probably wouldn’t have noticed either.

There are stories of scams where people stop, then sadly get carjacked.

The best I could offer is to maybe call police if you have concerns about situations on the road.
20/20 hindsight is being too harsh to you.

 

[m80]

I've intervened a couple of times, and both times I've been lucky not to become a victim.
I saw a guy at just past midnight kicking a car. It transpired he had already de mirrored 6 cars.
I followed him across gardens to a property where more youths were waiting, while on the phone to Mr Plod.
I made a citizens arrest and made to stop his departure, his four mates jumped on me. I'm lucky his mates didn't want to hurt me, they just wanted to protect their criminal mate who was later caught, fined and curfewed for 12 months.

Again around midnight we were walking back from the pub and witnessed a guy dragging a screaming lass across a main road. So I stopped him.
While we were stood growling at each other his wife appeared defending his actions against his daughter. He threatened to call the police, I told him he should.
All was resolved amicably in the end.

Getting involved is a tricky call, calling the police and reporting it is likely more sensible.

 

[John]

I would say you did the right thing.

Unfortunately as mentioned you could become a victim if the whole thing is a scam or even just the person on the receiving end then backs up the perp and they both give you jip - as what you saw is their "normal" behaviour.

You can't make that call as you drive by.

 

[Bellow]

Doors locked, driver's window slightly open (enough to communicate) and ready to drive off if necessary. No qualms about stopping for anyone - and frequently do.