flango
Hardcore MB Enthusiast
OK I know one or two people on here have been upset by my recent posts calling them rude, extreme and even offensive so I’m going to try and cover this topic as delicately and as sensitively as I can.
Today is an office day for Ian the Engineer and he leaves the house at 7am on his 40 mile route to the office. On leaving the street he sees Mr Postman, Hello Mr Postman says Ian they exchange pleasantries and Ian the engineer winds his way out through the leafy lanes of his village taking him to the A1 Motorway and then on to the M62 motorway where he will pass through some of the most pleasant countryside in the UK, the sun is shining, the breakfast show is on the radio and life is good.
Ian the engineer has a good drive on the A1 traffic is flowing and he gets to the M62 junction with the fuel computer saying 61.8 mpg, Ian the engineer is pleased and puts some of this down to the increased temperatures which as we all know affect our MPG.
On exit from the A1 to the M62 Ian the engineer gets undertaken by a VW Polo just missing the front end of Ian the engineers shiny Volvo. What a Richard head Ian thinks but carries on his way, then Mr Richard Head in the Polo nearly collides with a motorcycle he has not seen on Ian’s off side, Mr Richard Head must be on his way to Specsavers Ian thinks.
All goes well for another 2 junctions until Ian the engineer reaches the M1/M62 Interchange where all lanes are moving very slowly as Ian the engineer passes the M1 things move a little faster but the average speed is still around 50 mph. Ian the engineer begins to wonder why this is and suddenly realises the 50 mph road works speed limit has been removed and the road is once again back to the national speed limit. Unfortunately 95% of all those other silly drivers have not realised this and continue to do 50 mph side by side in all 4 lanes.
Then all of a sudden Mr Plod the Policeman comes down lane three in his shiny BMW blue lights flashing and all those silly drivers move out of the way to let it through, well done silly drivers . When Mr Plod the Policeman has passed through all those silly drivers go back into lane three and proceed at 50 mph. Ian the engineer thinks there’s a lot of people with appointments at Specsavers today however will they cope?
Two minutes later Mrs Plod the Policewoman comes down lane 3 in her brand new shiny BMW X5 blue lights blazing, headlights flashing and the dot matrix sign in her rear window saying “speed limit 70 mph”. Suddenly the little 10 watt light bulb switches on in the silly driver’s heads and they all realise what a set of billy sugars they have been. Normal service is then resumed and the average speed increases to around 85 mph. Ian the engineer thinks they must all now be in a rush to get to Specsavers as Mrs Plods shiny Chelsea Tractor clearly stated 70 mph. Ian the engineer also thinks that displaying the speed on the overhead matrix signs may have been a good idea but Mr Highways Agency had not thought of that, he was too busy parked in the police bays pretending to be Mr or Mrs Plod.
So Ian the engineer had a 60 minute journey instead of a 40 minute one and the moral of the story is? God gave you eyes for a reason so please use them and if you can’t please keep off the motorways
I would also like to say if any of the language used in my post, the tone of the post any profanities any foul mouthed abuse that may be in there do offend anyone then I humbly and deeply apologise here and now and will give myself several lashes with a dried birch twig
Today is an office day for Ian the Engineer and he leaves the house at 7am on his 40 mile route to the office. On leaving the street he sees Mr Postman, Hello Mr Postman says Ian they exchange pleasantries and Ian the engineer winds his way out through the leafy lanes of his village taking him to the A1 Motorway and then on to the M62 motorway where he will pass through some of the most pleasant countryside in the UK, the sun is shining, the breakfast show is on the radio and life is good.
Ian the engineer has a good drive on the A1 traffic is flowing and he gets to the M62 junction with the fuel computer saying 61.8 mpg, Ian the engineer is pleased and puts some of this down to the increased temperatures which as we all know affect our MPG.
On exit from the A1 to the M62 Ian the engineer gets undertaken by a VW Polo just missing the front end of Ian the engineers shiny Volvo. What a Richard head Ian thinks but carries on his way, then Mr Richard Head in the Polo nearly collides with a motorcycle he has not seen on Ian’s off side, Mr Richard Head must be on his way to Specsavers Ian thinks.
All goes well for another 2 junctions until Ian the engineer reaches the M1/M62 Interchange where all lanes are moving very slowly as Ian the engineer passes the M1 things move a little faster but the average speed is still around 50 mph. Ian the engineer begins to wonder why this is and suddenly realises the 50 mph road works speed limit has been removed and the road is once again back to the national speed limit. Unfortunately 95% of all those other silly drivers have not realised this and continue to do 50 mph side by side in all 4 lanes.
Then all of a sudden Mr Plod the Policeman comes down lane three in his shiny BMW blue lights flashing and all those silly drivers move out of the way to let it through, well done silly drivers . When Mr Plod the Policeman has passed through all those silly drivers go back into lane three and proceed at 50 mph. Ian the engineer thinks there’s a lot of people with appointments at Specsavers today however will they cope?
Two minutes later Mrs Plod the Policewoman comes down lane 3 in her brand new shiny BMW X5 blue lights blazing, headlights flashing and the dot matrix sign in her rear window saying “speed limit 70 mph”. Suddenly the little 10 watt light bulb switches on in the silly driver’s heads and they all realise what a set of billy sugars they have been. Normal service is then resumed and the average speed increases to around 85 mph. Ian the engineer thinks they must all now be in a rush to get to Specsavers as Mrs Plods shiny Chelsea Tractor clearly stated 70 mph. Ian the engineer also thinks that displaying the speed on the overhead matrix signs may have been a good idea but Mr Highways Agency had not thought of that, he was too busy parked in the police bays pretending to be Mr or Mrs Plod.
So Ian the engineer had a 60 minute journey instead of a 40 minute one and the moral of the story is? God gave you eyes for a reason so please use them and if you can’t please keep off the motorways
I would also like to say if any of the language used in my post, the tone of the post any profanities any foul mouthed abuse that may be in there do offend anyone then I humbly and deeply apologise here and now and will give myself several lashes with a dried birch twig
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