Infuriating Motorway Madness (Please do not read if you find my posts offensive)

Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.

flango

Hardcore MB Enthusiast
Joined
Jun 10, 2008
Messages
10,984
Location
Gods own country
Car
Mercedes SLK R171
OK I know one or two people on here have been upset by my recent posts calling them rude, extreme and even offensive so I’m going to try and cover this topic as delicately and as sensitively as I can.

Today is an office day for Ian the Engineer and he leaves the house at 7am on his 40 mile route to the office. On leaving the street he sees Mr Postman, Hello Mr Postman says Ian they exchange pleasantries and Ian the engineer winds his way out through the leafy lanes of his village taking him to the A1 Motorway and then on to the M62 motorway where he will pass through some of the most pleasant countryside in the UK, the sun is shining, the breakfast show is on the radio and life is good. :cool:

Ian the engineer has a good drive on the A1 traffic is flowing and he gets to the M62 junction with the fuel computer saying 61.8 mpg, Ian the engineer is pleased and puts some of this down to the increased temperatures which as we all know affect our MPG.

On exit from the A1 to the M62 Ian the engineer gets undertaken by a VW Polo just missing the front end of Ian the engineers shiny Volvo. What a Richard head Ian thinks but carries on his way, then Mr Richard Head in the Polo nearly collides with a motorcycle he has not seen on Ian’s off side, Mr Richard Head must be on his way to Specsavers Ian thinks.

All goes well for another 2 junctions until Ian the engineer reaches the M1/M62 Interchange where all lanes are moving very slowly as Ian the engineer passes the M1 things move a little faster but the average speed is still around 50 mph. Ian the engineer begins to wonder why this is and suddenly realises the 50 mph road works speed limit has been removed and the road is once again back to the national speed limit. Unfortunately 95% of all those other silly drivers have not realised this and continue to do 50 mph side by side in all 4 lanes. :doh:

Then all of a sudden Mr Plod the Policeman comes down lane three in his shiny BMW blue lights flashing and all those silly drivers move out of the way to let it through, well done silly drivers :thumb:. When Mr Plod the Policeman has passed through all those silly drivers go back into lane three :crazy: and proceed at 50 mph. Ian the engineer thinks there’s a lot of people with appointments at Specsavers today however will they cope?:eek:

Two minutes later Mrs Plod the Policewoman comes down lane 3 in her brand new shiny BMW X5 blue lights blazing, headlights flashing and the dot matrix sign in her rear window saying “speed limit 70 mph”. Suddenly the little 10 watt light bulb switches on in the silly driver’s heads and they all realise what a set of billy sugars they have been. Normal service is then resumed and the average speed increases to around 85 mph. Ian the engineer thinks they must all now be in a rush to get to Specsavers as Mrs Plods shiny Chelsea Tractor clearly stated 70 mph. Ian the engineer also thinks that displaying the speed on the overhead matrix signs may have been a good idea but Mr Highways Agency had not thought of that, he was too busy parked in the police bays pretending to be Mr or Mrs Plod.

So Ian the engineer had a 60 minute journey instead of a 40 minute one and the moral of the story is? God gave you eyes for a reason so please use them and if you can’t please keep off the motorways

I would also like to say if any of the language used in my post, the tone of the post any profanities any foul mouthed abuse that may be in there do offend anyone then I humbly and deeply apologise here and now and will give myself several lashes with a dried birch twig
 
Last edited:
Now that's the sort of post we love to read from Ian the engineer. Totally devoid of all that unnecessary abuse and profanities. So much better isn't it. :thumb:
 
Great post, Ian. :thumb:


I find that for some reason, some motorways are better than others.
The M6 and M62 are full of middle and outside lane hoggers. NOTHING will make them change lane, it's as though they are travelling along on rails.
In stark contrast, the M40 is a dream of a motorway with (on the whole) well disciplined drivers. The traffic flows freely and swiftly on that stretch.
If only all motorways were like this. It's amazing how much headway can be made when everyone is following the same script.
 
Great post, Ian. :thumb:


I find that for some reason, some motorways are better than others.
The M6 is full of middle and outside lane hoggers. NOTHING will make them change lane, it's as though they are travelling along on rails.
In stark contrast, the M40 is a dream of a motorway with (on the whole) well disciplined drivers. The traffic flows freely and swiftly on that stretch.
If only all motorways were like this. It's amazing how much headway can be made when everyone is following the same script.

Paul I agree I've been up and down to London a bit recently when I've been at home and obviously the best way for me is straight down the M1 but it's such a pain littered with the type of driving you describe. SWMBO has also been working in London and suggested I use the M1, M42 and M40. I thought she was mental and the subsequent exchange of opinions occurred. However I did try it and came back eating large helpings of humble pie a so much nicer drive and better road manners and in all about 10 minutes longer, so must go faster next time and then I've lost nothing :D
 
There was a fiat 500 at 65 in the middle lane of the m3 today , was being undertaken , overtaken , you name it , but just refused to move over !

Unreal , the girl driving it was oblivious.
 
There was a fiat 500 at 65 in the middle lane of the m3 today , was being undertaken , overtaken , you name it , but just refused to move over !

Unreal , the girl driving it was oblivious.

It was the same on the way home Ford Ka in lane 3 50 mph being passed on the nearside by HGV and everyone else but still they would not move over, maybe his appointment at Specsavers had been cancelled :dk:
 
There was a fiat 500 at 65 in the middle lane of the m3 today , was being undertaken , overtaken , you name it , but just refused to move over !

Unreal , the girl driving it was oblivious.

It was the same on the way home Ford Ka in lane 3 50 mph being passed on the nearside by HGV and everyone else but still they would not move over, maybe his appointment at Specsavers had been cancelled :dk:


This is why the penalties for this sort of driving are coming in to force. It can't happen soon enough. :(
 
This is why the penalties for this sort of driving are coming in to force. It can't happen soon enough. :(

Trouble is who is going to enforce it unless they do it with cameras? you never see Mr & Mrs plod on the motorway anymore.
 
See you can do it if you try !
Well done matey .
 
Trouble is who is going to enforce it unless they do it with cameras? you never see Mr & Mrs plod on the motorway anymore.

They're out there, but they're not going to break cover in their unmarked cars for a mere £60 & 3 points, bigger fish to fry.:(
 
Howard said:
There was a fiat 500 at 65 in the middle lane of the m3 today , was being undertaken , overtaken , you name it , but just refused to move over !

Unreal , the girl driving it was oblivious.

The driver is a Yorkshire lass.
 
This is why the penalties for this sort of driving are coming in to force. It can't happen soon enough. :(


Except, then you will get the other extreme.

People who think it's best to get into the inside lane as often and as quickly as overtaking as possible. You end up coming onto the motorway and find a once empty lane now has a car adjacent to you, which was empty as you checked your mirror and your blind spot.

The problem is, and the threadstarter highlighted it. People don't think. They don't think is this a good idea what they are doing? Is it right? Is it dangerous? When people get behind the wheel of a car especially, they just do.
 
Except, then you will get the other extreme.

People who think it's best to get into the inside lane as often and as quickly as overtaking as possible. You end up coming onto the motorway and find a once empty lane now has a car adjacent to you, which was empty as you checked your mirror and your blind spot.

I like what they've got in Spain -and maybe elsewhere :dk:- . A solid white on the outside of lane 1 for the duration of the on-slip so it's a no-no to cross into when there's the chance of a joining vehicle.
 
I can understand it. That stretch of the M62 has been dug up for so long that drivers would be pleased to reach 50.... Speeds over that would be unnatural.

The new mega expensive message signs could be put to a useful use.

I wonder if it's safe to start using the M62 again?
 
I can understand it. That stretch of the M62 has been dug up for so long that drivers would be pleased to reach 50.... Speeds over that would be unnatural.

The new mega expensive message signs could be put to a useful use.

I wonder if it's safe to start using the M62 again?

Not by this mornings experience, I'm office bound again tomorrow so will report back, lets hope on day 2 those silly motorists understand :D
 
There's a feeling of deja-vu about this thread.
Yesterday afternoon, John-the-other-engineer was driving home from sunny-Bradford using similar motorways but in the opposite direction.
Having called at Spec-Savers during the day, I quickly realised that the 50mph limit had been lifted on the M62 East and most of those annoying yellow cameras had been taken away to brighten some-one else's day.
Alas ... Most of my fellow-travellers failed to notice the fact that we had been freed from bondage, and carried on driving at 50 mph.
Much bad-language was expended on these BS's (I'm guessing they were all called Billy).
Hopefully tonight will be better.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top Bottom