Isle of Sheppey comes under attack.

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True Isle of Sheppey story:

Back in the 1980's a mate of mine worked for the Gas Board. He and many of his colleagues were called to an emergency on the Isle of Sheppey because the Fire Brigade had inadvertently turned off the gas supply to Leysdown instead of just the holiday camp there.

It turned out that someone in a chalet on the camp had decided he was going to refill a propane cylinder by connecting it to the mains gas. As this seemed to be taking quite some time, chummy decided to spark up a fag. The ensuing minor explosion and fire resulted in the Fire Brigade being called out and they decided that they needed to isolate the gas supply, but turned off the wrong valve. The net upshot was that Gas Board employees then had to visit each and every property connected to mains gas and lock off the incoming gas supply before the main valve could be reopened.

Mark had the job of going round all the chalets on Leysdown camp. He asks the camp manager if he has a master key for the doors. "Nope," comes the reply, "but we do have a second key for every chalet", says the manager pointing to a large bucket full of keys with no tags on them (I kid you not).

Mark then sets off with the camp manager and his bucket of keys. At the first chalet, camp manager takes a key from the bucket, tries it in the door lock, and when it doesn't open the door he drops it back in the bucket and takes out another key. Mark watches in amazement as this process is repeated multiple times until he feels the compulsion to suggest that the camp manager puts each key that doesn't open the chalet door in a different container... :doh:
 
My (now ex) neighbour was arrested after deciding a nice place to moor his boat for a days relaxing in the sun, would be the mast head of the sunken, SS Montgomery. Some say that if it ever blew up? Most of the Island would go up with it!!! Oh well.
 
During the gas supply checking incident, as most residents couldn't cook anything at home they headed for the Fish and Chip shops in Leysdown of which there were two. One had gas-powered fryers so he had no option but to close. The other had electric-powered fryers so could keep going, and he was spectacularly busy until he ran out of fish to fry.

At this stage, one would expect there to be some degree of cooperation between the two Fish and Chip shops, but no. The one with gas-powered fryers refused point blank to supply the other with fish, so everyone went hungry :doh:
 
Combining the 2 Kent based threads, perhaps we could bung all the crims on Sheppey and then blow up the bridge and make make it into some form of Escape from New York type jobbie !!!

The local inbreeds already on Sheppey probably wouldn't even notice the difference til the Special Brew ran out :)
 
My (now ex) neighbour was arrested after deciding a nice place to moor his boat for a days relaxing in the sun, would be the mast head of the sunken, SS Montgomery. Some say that if it ever blew up? Most of the Island would go up with it!!! Oh well.

I moored my boat to the north danger buoy on the wreck some years ago in very thick fog,seemed like the safest place to moor up as the main channel with all those large ships is not that far away,I did not give it a thought,I knew it was the Montgomery,I brewed up had a meal and went on my way when the fog lifted.
 
My neighbour was uncerimoniously towed off the the mast head and escorted back to shore. He was actually charged with some offense.

He then (and this is true) built his own boat out of two surf boards, some scaffold poles, a windsurfer sail & mast and an outboard motor. When the motor ran out of fuel mid channel, he put up the sail, which promptly capsized his craft. He was then rescued by the same team that previously towed him off the mast.

I would describe him as "slightly bonkers and a tad eccentric"
 
KentOnline Home What's On News Article Medway: Salute to the '40s at Chatham Historic Dockyard brings vintage festival fun to town LIVE NEWS NEWS ALERTS By What's On reporter [email protected] Read all comments | 15 02:00, 21 August 2017 | Updated: 07:23, 21 August 2017 SPONSORED EDITORIAL Dig out your victory roll hair and classic red lippie - it's time to be transported back to the 1940s, with one of Britain’s best vintage festivals. The Historic Dockyard Chatham lays on its celebration of forties fun on Saturday, September 16 and Sunday, September 17 with the sights and sounds of the era and some new and exciting additions this year! Celebrating forces' sweetheart Dame Vera Lynn's 100th birthday, The Dockyard will be in full-on 40s swing with a weekend packed with nostalgic numbers, sing-a-longs and dance ‘til you drop entertainment with a line-up to die for including new for this year, the Glenn Miller Orchestra and the Hotsie Totsies. Salute to the '40s is a family-friendly event Vintage music will fill the air along with a variety of comedy acts, dance workshops and performances from the likes of the Cinque Port Lindy Hoppers, Medway Lindy Hoppers and the Lindy Kicks. Join the army of thousands who come dressed in their vintage finest alongside Land Army girls, housewives and evacuees. If you haven't picked out your outfit yet you can browse the vintage stalls, selling accessories, jewellery and uniforms and check out the vintage fashion parade. With its own 1940s film set location, Home Front displays, military camps and re-enactors are perfectly at home at The Dockyard site. While you're at Salute to the '40s make sure you visit the 1940s street with its bombed-out house, anti-aircraft gun display, vintage barbers and pub - and don’t be surprised if there's a "Royal Visit" during the day! There's a Coming Home parade on both days of the event Rationing won't be on the cards for visitors so tuck into goodies from cream teas to ploughman’s and fish and chips to Kentish pies. You can choose from the many themed caterers offering everything from bacon butties to good old fashioned tea, you won’t be going hungry. The site will be full of locomotives running up and down the tracks and there will be hundreds of military and civilian vintage cars, buses, trucks and motorcycles to see, plus a Coming Home parade on both days. Visitors can also see what it was like to be in an air raid evacuation by stepping back in time and joining an air raid experience where an ARP warden will lead you into a Second World War shelters and tell you more about the history. Bag your tickets for the Salute to the '40s now with discounts tickets available at thedockyard.co.uk Vintage music will fill the air There will be lots of vintage vehicles on show at the Salute to the '40s Sponsored Links From The Web Susan Boyle is So Skinny Now and Looks Gorgeous Journalistate Brilliant way to check for PPI once and for all! Totally free! The Claims Guys LTD There Are 7 Types of English Surnames — Which One Is Yours? Ancestry 20 Foods to Unclog Your Arteries Riverside247 by Taboola Sponsored Links From The Web 3 Things Casinos Really Don't Want You To Know Gaming Leaks 10 Hairstyles That Make You Look 10 Years Younger Flipopular The Ingenious Way to Find Out if You Had PPI! Action Direct UK Samsung Galaxy S8 So Cheap That You Have To Buy It TechStarDeals by Taboola Join the debate... Comments | 15 Register or log in via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+ or your KentOnline account to post comments. 26/08/2017 09:15:25


JobbieJabber wrote: A Public Safety Announcement. Should you encounter Islanders on their own or in groups. Please approach them with caution. Sudden movements may startle them. Walk slowly backwards away from them. If possible, climb the nearest tree and await help. If this is not possible? Offer them beads or trinkets, anything that is shiny will do. As a last resort give them whisky or guns. Pretend to have befriended them until they adopt a less threatening manner. Do not under any circumstances give them food. This causes them to forage, with some making it as far as the mainland in search of burgers and fried chicken. You are not being kind by feeding them, you are just making them even fatter and spottier. Gifts of soap & deodorant will infuriate them. Do not be alarmed at this. They simply do not understand personal hygiene.


-7ReplyReport Abuse 25/08/2017 11:29:35 JobbieJabber wrote: Is anybody else out there going to watch the Island Women's Triathlon? Teams of the islands female swimmers will set off from Minster beach, having been winched into the water by crane. Then, chased by whale fishing boats they attempt to attempt to avoid being harpooned as they swim up the Thames before beaching in Chatham. There, teams of helpers will douse them with buckets of sea water as they slither up the mud to their waiting stolen bicycles. Chased by the Police they will try to cycle back down the a249 towards home. Refreshments stops are at the Bobbing Macdonalds where several extra tons of blubber have been brought in for the event. On leaving Macdonalds they will wobble their way back over the bridge towards the island, to be greeted by more Police. This should prove to be a great addition to the Islands sporting heritage. It is rumoured that David Attenborough will attend in person and may present the prize, which this year will include seven tons of freshly cooked blubber.


-7ReplyReport Abuse 24/08/2017 10:09:21 JobbieJabber wrote: The organisers have asked me to point out, that if you are heading to the Island by car and wish to Park, you need to find empty spaces? Please head for the Job Center Car Parks. There is always ample parking available here due to a complete lack of use.



-7ReplyReport Abuse 24/08/2017 09:22:13 JobbieJabber wrote: There will also be an Air Display over the Island. The Police Helicopter will do several low level passes and a sustained hover followed by the air ambulance helicopter which will fly from it's permanent base at the Bridge. This will be the last time we will se the current air ambulance helicopter in action. Due the massive size and weight of most the Islands female population, the decision has been made to replace the current model with an RAF Chinook taken off Tank Lifting duties.


-7ReplyReport Abuse 24/08/2017 08:59:41 fireinmyhole wrote: Sheppey, this weekend folks. Don't miss out. We have a parade of Islanders in traditional dress - lycra and tracksuits, eating traditional food - takeaways. In the afternoon, there will be multiple displays, at your homes, of other Island traditional skills - Burglary, breaking and entering. In the car parks we will be treated to displays of car theft, with sideshows of Satnav & Radio theft. In the evening in the many pubs on the Island we will see displays of traditional bare knuckle fighting (this is just the womenfolk) followed by a large display of vomiting on the pavement. Throughout the day and into the night, there will be stalls selling weed & class A. The evening will be brought to a close with a pyrotechnic display of burning stolen cars. So come along and experience a day in the life an Islander.
 
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Markjames said:
I have the pleasure of going over the bridge to work every day.

I live just off the a249. Give me a shout if you fancy a coffee.

Sent from my iPhone using sausage fingers.
 

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