Leaking into trousers

Discussion in 'OT (OFF Topic) Forums' started by brucemillar, Jul 17, 2016.

  1. brucemillar

    brucemillar MB Club Veteran

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    It's time to get this into the open - no pun intended.

    Why is that only when wearing light coloured trousers I manage to leak after visiting the loo and re-assembly?

    This never happens in dark trousers. No. Only in light trousers and where there is an audience. Last week, there I was resplendent in a new Prince of Wales three piece suit. Pop to the loo before starting my presentation to a fairly large group. Disaster!!

    Now I have tried a variety of tests in a vain attempt to stop this. Thinking it may be related to not relaxing and opening all the valves fully before the final shake. I have taken extra care to ensure that I am fully empty. This includes doing a strange solo version of Riverdance at the urinal, some vigorous shaking that could get me arrested, then careful return of my member to its resting place. As son as my zip is up whoosh!! A full willy load load of wee deposits itself into my trousers. It's so unfair, and humiliating. Walking into a room stooped over so that your jacket covers up the offending patch or holding some papers over your crotch in an effort to hide the shame. Climbing onto the hand dryer is not a spectator sport and will result in pulling the dryer off the wall.

    I just don't get it. It is always in light clothes? My golfing buddies are testament to the fact it is not only me that is afflicted. But on the golf course - who cares. It's a bloke thing and we can all laugh.

    In the pub or a business meeting it's a personal disaster.

    FYI: I do not dress like Don Johnston in Miami Vice. We are talking normal bloke attire here.

    Should I be looking to pack a bog roll down my undies or am I destined to a life of black suits.
     
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  2. Happytalk73

    Happytalk73 MB Club Veteran

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    I knew this was your thread when I saw the title.

    Only you Bruce, only you!!! :thumb:

    Option are:

    1) leave your tool hanging out of said pants,

    2) insert medium sized tampon down ya tube :eek:

    3) pull manhood up above your belt line and tighten your belt (thinking along the lines of petrol pump technique keeping pump pointing North)

    4) pop a crocodile clip on the end.




    Ant. :D
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2016
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  3. grober

    grober MB Club Veteran

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  4. Dave Richardson

    Dave Richardson Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    Nice one for a Sunday morning Laugh
     
  5. Druk

    Druk Administrator Staff Member

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    Sorry Bruce, couldn't resist it.
     
  6. alzieboy

    alzieboy Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    I think the pre worrying about it happening adds to this problem, also try to only go when you feel you have a full bladder , not I think I will have a pee now just in case.
    See your Doc :thumb:
     
  7. Tim203

    Tim203 Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    ^^^^^ As Alzieboy said. I used to suffer a bit from a nervous bladder. As with a rechargeable battery you need to get to capacity before discharging( bladder training ). Wait till you've had six cups of tea/ pints/ glasses of wine ! before breaking the seal. See the Doc, he'll/she'll send you to the weekly pee clinic at the local hossie. You all sit around a table drinking tea, coffee, squash etc. 'till your busting. Then your sent to the nurse for a pre pee ultrasound to check if you've brimmed your bladder or no, then next door where you pee into a big funnel with a measuring device that prints out volume versus time on a graph( the machine looks like a fertiliser spreader you'd see on the back of a tractor!). Even the last little blips get measured and plotted!!!! Anyway, then your back on the couch for another scan to check how empty you are. Worth doing and they are right on it these days in case of prostate problems. Had a digital test there as well and it's got nothing to do with computers!!
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2016
  8. DrFeelgood

    DrFeelgood MB Club Veteran

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    I once considered buying a dry cleaning business, it sounds like I had a lucky escape.
     
  9. Giantvanman

    Giantvanman Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    The 'light coloured trousers' phenomena extends even further....

    At no time do I ever remember washing my hands and the tap ejaculating on the front of my trousers except......

    At no time do I recollect walking two yards from the front door and finding some sort of mark or stain that wasn't present when I closed the the door except.....

    At no other time will I be walking down the street only for someone's mucky handed sticky child to choose that moment to find something to wipe their hands on except......

    And it goes on. Bin those works of Satan and stay dark.....oh, it's just me...again.
     
  10. markjay

    markjay MB Club Veteran

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    You could, but beware of the Rudolf Nureyev look.
     
  11. vijilants

    vijilants Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    Splashback from the urinals doesn't help :D
     
  12. OP
    OP
    brucemillar

    brucemillar MB Club Veteran

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    I'm fairly sure that I am not incontinent (yet). I am not aware of doing it when in a dark suit or trousers. I also have not noticed that I smell of wee (no more than normal). Maybe it is some kind of auto suggestion thing. Or maybe I have a deep dislike of wearing a light clothing. Whatever the cause? it is genuinely unfunny walking around all dolled up with a willy full of wee down your leg.
     
  13. AMGeed

    AMGeed MB Club Veteran

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    Time to adopt the female position when urinating. Use a few sheets of paper to mop up any potential spillage before adjusting attire.

    That has to be better than smelling like the front row at a Cliff Richard concert.
     
  14. Palfrem

    Palfrem Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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  15. MercedesDriver

    MercedesDriver Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    Bruce I fixed the same issue by unzipping the belt and top bottom of trousers and give it some time,you know what I mean. I think it is related with the pressure on bladder.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2016
  16. marty359

    marty359 Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    Ha ha that made me laugh Bruce.

    What you need to do is trick it by going to put him away and then.......ha!!....getting him out again and finishing off.
     
  17. DrFeelgood

    DrFeelgood MB Club Veteran

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    In the words of Pete Townshend, my favourite poet:

    'I'm wet and i'm cold but thank God i ain't old'.
     
  18. martyz

    martyz Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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  19. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    This is not the biggest problem (what with the solution being to wear dark).


    No, the biggest issue, is when someone points it out to you. usually several events later...and generally after the 3rd of 4th toilet visit of the day.


    Now THAT is character building.
     
  20. Happytalk73

    Happytalk73 MB Club Veteran

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    50 shades of Bruce?
     

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