glojo
Hardcore MB Enthusiast
I sometimes read posts that make me smile and this one does just that for reasons that will become apparent.
It is a letter about someone attempting to clean there outside pool.
The bottom of the pool had been nicely vacuumed with the underwater cleaner but this nameless person noted a large quantity of grass and leaves suspended in the water, midway between the bottom of the pool and the surface. Because it was a nice warm day this person decided to disconnect the cleaner and decided to swim gently around the pool using the exposed end of the 3” diameter pipe to suck up all this matter.
After about 15 minutes work the owner decided to inspect his efforts and noted that there was a few droppings on the floor of the pool at its deepest location. Rather than muck about, attaching the cleaner this ‘gentleman’ decided to rest the pipe on the bottom of the pool and steer it with the tips of his toes which just reached whilst he kept his head above water
I bet folks are beginning to see where this post is going!
I will now quote word for word
Standing upright I gingerly moved the pipe around with my foot (this is where my pain wracked memory gets a little fuzzy). At some point in this process my foot slipped off the pipe!!!! What happened next only took about three seconds but it is worth considering in detail should you ever wish to avoid my experience. The pipe immediately locked onto my right big toe and the next one to it. This was a bit of a shock as it was quite a violent movement from the pipe and it hurt. With the instant reactions of a grizzly bear, I yanked the pipe up with my right hand and with some difficulty it came off my foot but instantly attached itself to my right calf muscle. This hurt considerably more and I reacted instantly, pulling the pipe upwards again. As I was approaching full stretch with my right arm it took a second as the pipe stretched but it eventually popped off my calf and reattached itself to the fleshy part of my inner thigh. This hurt like an absolute b*****d and I involuntarily screamed, not a good idea underwater. With the last vestiges of my strength, no air in my lungs and with my arm at full stretch, I ripped it off my thigh, but only just.
This was bad, very bad. The pipe only moved a few inches and in what appeared to be wickedly slow motion disappeared between my legs. It deftly whipped out my right nut and dodger (AF or BA?) from my cossie and they both disappeared up the pipe with a resounding slurp. The pipe locked onto my body with a dull thud.
I was choking and screaming, the pool zero water flow alarm was screaming and my general thrashing in the pool attracted not only my wife but the neighbours. As my wife gazed upon the foaming water and piglet style screaming, her first assessment was that it was a crocodile attack, but she then quickly downgraded it to a harpooned whale in the pool as I eventually ripped the pipe off and floated, whimpering up to the shallow end of the pool.
My injuries were minor but it took me 4 hours before I could walk upright and several days before I recovered completely. I have to say that several thoughts occurred to me shortly after this episode.
One day whilst cleaning the pool I decide to change the suction cleaner. I disconnected the suction pipe and just like this person…. The thing instantly whipped around and latched onto my inner thigh. The skin in that area is extremely soft and tender, in fact very tender. I managed to insert a finger into the seal between my thigh and the pipe and then managed to pull the pipe away, but by crikey that pipe left me with a love bite to end all love bites. I hope this story brings a smile to a few folks as it certainly made me giggle.
Regards
John
It is a letter about someone attempting to clean there outside pool.
The bottom of the pool had been nicely vacuumed with the underwater cleaner but this nameless person noted a large quantity of grass and leaves suspended in the water, midway between the bottom of the pool and the surface. Because it was a nice warm day this person decided to disconnect the cleaner and decided to swim gently around the pool using the exposed end of the 3” diameter pipe to suck up all this matter.
After about 15 minutes work the owner decided to inspect his efforts and noted that there was a few droppings on the floor of the pool at its deepest location. Rather than muck about, attaching the cleaner this ‘gentleman’ decided to rest the pipe on the bottom of the pool and steer it with the tips of his toes which just reached whilst he kept his head above water
I bet folks are beginning to see where this post is going!
I will now quote word for word
Standing upright I gingerly moved the pipe around with my foot (this is where my pain wracked memory gets a little fuzzy). At some point in this process my foot slipped off the pipe!!!! What happened next only took about three seconds but it is worth considering in detail should you ever wish to avoid my experience. The pipe immediately locked onto my right big toe and the next one to it. This was a bit of a shock as it was quite a violent movement from the pipe and it hurt. With the instant reactions of a grizzly bear, I yanked the pipe up with my right hand and with some difficulty it came off my foot but instantly attached itself to my right calf muscle. This hurt considerably more and I reacted instantly, pulling the pipe upwards again. As I was approaching full stretch with my right arm it took a second as the pipe stretched but it eventually popped off my calf and reattached itself to the fleshy part of my inner thigh. This hurt like an absolute b*****d and I involuntarily screamed, not a good idea underwater. With the last vestiges of my strength, no air in my lungs and with my arm at full stretch, I ripped it off my thigh, but only just.
This was bad, very bad. The pipe only moved a few inches and in what appeared to be wickedly slow motion disappeared between my legs. It deftly whipped out my right nut and dodger (AF or BA?) from my cossie and they both disappeared up the pipe with a resounding slurp. The pipe locked onto my body with a dull thud.
I was choking and screaming, the pool zero water flow alarm was screaming and my general thrashing in the pool attracted not only my wife but the neighbours. As my wife gazed upon the foaming water and piglet style screaming, her first assessment was that it was a crocodile attack, but she then quickly downgraded it to a harpooned whale in the pool as I eventually ripped the pipe off and floated, whimpering up to the shallow end of the pool.
My injuries were minor but it took me 4 hours before I could walk upright and several days before I recovered completely. I have to say that several thoughts occurred to me shortly after this episode.
- What would I have said had I gone to hospital. I can imagine the doctor now………. I see, you allege that your ‘todger’ just accidentally popped up the pipe eh!!!
- Remember the old sound bite “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux”…… WRONG
- Whatever they cost, pool attendants are very cheap. DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME FOLKS
One day whilst cleaning the pool I decide to change the suction cleaner. I disconnected the suction pipe and just like this person…. The thing instantly whipped around and latched onto my inner thigh. The skin in that area is extremely soft and tender, in fact very tender. I managed to insert a finger into the seal between my thigh and the pipe and then managed to pull the pipe away, but by crikey that pipe left me with a love bite to end all love bites. I hope this story brings a smile to a few folks as it certainly made me giggle.
Regards
John
