D
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Earlier this morning I read through several pages of a thread on Forum Membership that I found intriguing.
For those who may have missed it, I'm talking about a thread started by a member of then just 3 days who was questioning the ethics of the general membership. Or was he? It took best part of 3 pages to ascertain that he had completely misunderstood the meaning of "SUPPORTER" allocated to a number of those members who had responded to his question in another thread. I only quickly scanned that other thread that he started but I think it was something to do with asking how to remove a fuel filter from a CLS - although the exact content is immaterial. The OP those threads appeared to have got the impression that the forum's 'supporters' were tradespeople responding for the sole intention of drumming up business. We all know that he was wrong and, perhaps not surprisingly, he was attacked from all directions and all heights. Some posters tried to be helpful whilst a few got more aggressive.
All those pages (now 6) within a couple of days over a simple misunderstanding. Or, to be more accurate, over lots of misunderstandings. The OP started off by expressing a view founded on a misunderstanding and readers followed with posts constructed from their own misunderstood interpretations of what the OP was trying to say. In no time at all the OP found himself on one side of a battle line with everyone else either firmly ensconced on the other side or actively watching on, some possibly attempting to lighten the situation with their references to popcorn.
Basically a typical social media scenario. We all see it every day. We're all at fault, because none of us communicate very well. We usually don't express ourselves as well as we intend. And we don't interpret what others say as well as we think we do. We're basically crap at it, yet we continue to discuss, to argue, to get upset by what we read on social media. All because we're being misunderstood without realising it. I'm certain that I'm being misunderstood now. That's my fault ... and yours.
There's a piece in Psychology Today looking into this issue where the author, Jim Stone, tells us that "Interpretation is a complex, non-linear process, and easy to get wrong." That's the real problem, all too often it's easier to get wrong than it is to get right. There are so many factors governing interpretation that we can easily head off on the wrong road. Once on that wrong road, especially in the company of those we're familiar with (such as forum members) we become ever more certain that we have a coherent interpretation of what's been said. We don't need to listen any more, our views are formed. Unfortunately, just because our understanding is coherent doesn't necessarily mean it's accurate. For a way better interpretation of what I'm trying to say, I can thoroughly recommend reading this two-part article.
My (possibly wrong ) interpretation of the aforementioned new member is that he came into the forum and asked very politely for some help with an issue. Early responders appear to have misunderstood the detail of his query and provided explanations for other vehicles. The OP thanked them nicely but tried to clarify the specifics of the problem he was having. On being told that it was just the same, when it clearly wasn't, he expressed a bit of frustration. He was possibly concerned that the thread he'd started in order to get some specific help would split off into all kinds of other areas (as they invariably do!) leaving him without an answer to what was troubling him. In yet another thread, the OP asked whether it was forum policy to add a question into an existing related thread or start a new one. He learnt that we were easy going and that either was acceptable, so he started a new thread to try to better understand the forum structure whilst expressing his opinion as a result of his misunderstanding of forum sponsors.
Giving the impression of criticising the forum was evidently akin to criticising someone's driving skills. Quite understandably his intentions were misunderstood, and I think that's a shame. I'm as guilty as the next man of misunderstanding people and so jumping to the wrong conclusions. The trouble is that it's far too easy to skim read what someone posts on social media without trying to fully understand what it is they're saying. Then it's even easier to rattle off a response based on that misunderstanding, a response that's invariably antagonistic. That in turn gets misunderstood and so the ugly mess continues.
In Jim Stone's article that I linked to above, he concludes with a set of suggested methods to limit our misunderstanding. His final 'rule' is "Be cautious with sarcasm and satire. No need to avoid it entirely, but be aware of the hazards." I've fallen into the trap many times, both as a poster and as a reader. Too late I realised that I had forever misunderstood Dr Feelgood, my one-liner nemesis. He caused more steam to burst out of my head than I've ever witnessed from a split radiator hose. But just before he disappeared from this forum (for ever?) he sent me a PM in which he expressed genuine concern over some trauma I was experiencing at the time. Behind it all, he was (and presumably still is) a really nice guy - just misunderstood.
For those who may have missed it, I'm talking about a thread started by a member of then just 3 days who was questioning the ethics of the general membership. Or was he? It took best part of 3 pages to ascertain that he had completely misunderstood the meaning of "SUPPORTER" allocated to a number of those members who had responded to his question in another thread. I only quickly scanned that other thread that he started but I think it was something to do with asking how to remove a fuel filter from a CLS - although the exact content is immaterial. The OP those threads appeared to have got the impression that the forum's 'supporters' were tradespeople responding for the sole intention of drumming up business. We all know that he was wrong and, perhaps not surprisingly, he was attacked from all directions and all heights. Some posters tried to be helpful whilst a few got more aggressive.
All those pages (now 6) within a couple of days over a simple misunderstanding. Or, to be more accurate, over lots of misunderstandings. The OP started off by expressing a view founded on a misunderstanding and readers followed with posts constructed from their own misunderstood interpretations of what the OP was trying to say. In no time at all the OP found himself on one side of a battle line with everyone else either firmly ensconced on the other side or actively watching on, some possibly attempting to lighten the situation with their references to popcorn.
Basically a typical social media scenario. We all see it every day. We're all at fault, because none of us communicate very well. We usually don't express ourselves as well as we intend. And we don't interpret what others say as well as we think we do. We're basically crap at it, yet we continue to discuss, to argue, to get upset by what we read on social media. All because we're being misunderstood without realising it. I'm certain that I'm being misunderstood now. That's my fault ... and yours.
There's a piece in Psychology Today looking into this issue where the author, Jim Stone, tells us that "Interpretation is a complex, non-linear process, and easy to get wrong." That's the real problem, all too often it's easier to get wrong than it is to get right. There are so many factors governing interpretation that we can easily head off on the wrong road. Once on that wrong road, especially in the company of those we're familiar with (such as forum members) we become ever more certain that we have a coherent interpretation of what's been said. We don't need to listen any more, our views are formed. Unfortunately, just because our understanding is coherent doesn't necessarily mean it's accurate. For a way better interpretation of what I'm trying to say, I can thoroughly recommend reading this two-part article.
Why You Should Assume You Will Be Misunderstood
Come, let us reason together. (Part 4)
www.psychologytoday.com
My (possibly wrong ) interpretation of the aforementioned new member is that he came into the forum and asked very politely for some help with an issue. Early responders appear to have misunderstood the detail of his query and provided explanations for other vehicles. The OP thanked them nicely but tried to clarify the specifics of the problem he was having. On being told that it was just the same, when it clearly wasn't, he expressed a bit of frustration. He was possibly concerned that the thread he'd started in order to get some specific help would split off into all kinds of other areas (as they invariably do!) leaving him without an answer to what was troubling him. In yet another thread, the OP asked whether it was forum policy to add a question into an existing related thread or start a new one. He learnt that we were easy going and that either was acceptable, so he started a new thread to try to better understand the forum structure whilst expressing his opinion as a result of his misunderstanding of forum sponsors.
Giving the impression of criticising the forum was evidently akin to criticising someone's driving skills. Quite understandably his intentions were misunderstood, and I think that's a shame. I'm as guilty as the next man of misunderstanding people and so jumping to the wrong conclusions. The trouble is that it's far too easy to skim read what someone posts on social media without trying to fully understand what it is they're saying. Then it's even easier to rattle off a response based on that misunderstanding, a response that's invariably antagonistic. That in turn gets misunderstood and so the ugly mess continues.
In Jim Stone's article that I linked to above, he concludes with a set of suggested methods to limit our misunderstanding. His final 'rule' is "Be cautious with sarcasm and satire. No need to avoid it entirely, but be aware of the hazards." I've fallen into the trap many times, both as a poster and as a reader. Too late I realised that I had forever misunderstood Dr Feelgood, my one-liner nemesis. He caused more steam to burst out of my head than I've ever witnessed from a split radiator hose. But just before he disappeared from this forum (for ever?) he sent me a PM in which he expressed genuine concern over some trauma I was experiencing at the time. Behind it all, he was (and presumably still is) a really nice guy - just misunderstood.