New Motoring Rules in Highway Code

[crockers]

I have been giving this a lot of thought and we are living in a democratic country (where the majority should dictate the rules) my observations suggest we need to change our rules of the road to suit this majority. I am therefore suggesting

1. It's obvious to me that front fog lights are so rarely used for the purpose for which they were designed that I suggest that they be left on at all times to show other road users that you have paid extra for a pretty worthless piece of equipment and because of that you are determined that all others get to see them even it that means blinding them.

2. Rear Fog lights - only to be used on dark wet evenings when you can obtain maximum satisfaction in the blinding of many cars behind you.

3. On motorways - all cars must travel within 6 feet of the car in front so as to ensure that you can use his bumper to slow you down therefore saving brake pad wear and therefore the environment

4. Sat Nav units must be stuck to windscreen just under the mirror where the can block the maximum amount of vision forward

5. The same Sat Nav unit must be run in day time mode at night to ensure that a). you the driver are blinded but more importantly b). to show everyone else that you have purchased a unit and don't know the way to your local supermarket.

6. Motorway / dual carriageways - slip road are to have priority - even if this means that the cars / trucks in the inside lane have to apply brakes rapidly and cause massive pile ups.

7. Posted speed limit signs - these are now to indicate the Minimum Speed allowed on this road.

If anyone can think of any more please feel free to add

 

[rees_A]

8. You must drive at least 5 mph slower than the speed limit to annoy as many people as possible. When tailbacks occur, reduce speed even more to maximise potential road rage issues.

9. If you are old and retired, ensure you go to the shops at 08:30 a.m. and then drive at 20 mph no matter what the speed limit is.

10. If you want to use a phone whilst driving, do so but make sure you let other road users know by slowing down and weaving all over the road.

 

[wemorgan]

Car badges are to be made compulsory and extended to give engine cc, cylinder configuration, 0-60mph time and max speed, plus any addition data that the owner feels is 'un'necessary

 

[davidjpowell]

11. Indicators are to become an optional accessory.

12. On two lane motorways or dual carriageways it will become compulsory for two lorries to constantly overtake each other at 56 MPH.

13. What remains of the traffic police will be handed over to the Camera Partnership and tasked with maximising revenue.

14. Average speed cameras to be placed on all motorways.

15. To further 14 all motorways will be given variable speed limits that will restrict traffic to 40 MPH for no reason.

 

[CE230]

16. It will be compulsory to have dipped headlights on when parked in a side road.

17. Cars emerging from a side road will have priority.

18. Mercedes Benz cars will have priority over other road users regardless of any other rule.

 

[st4]

19. Buses automatically have right of way over any other roaduser and are allowed to pull out at will with no indication or obeservation of what is going on around them. The same applies for taxis.

20. Cyclists need not use the cycle lanes that are provided but rather they should ride in the middle of the lane to cause obstruction to those that pay for the roads.

21. It should be encouraged to use your mobile phone whilst driving, special commendments go to those who operate their hand held devices whilst eating crisps such is their superior driving prowess. Everyone should adopt this technique of car control.

 

[bouncer]

Speed limits to be exempt for cars with. . . Big bore, large tailpipe, straight through, de- catted exhausts. . . . because the ones that come with the car from new just aren’t good enough.

sTeVe

 

[st4]

Speed limits to be exempt for cars with. . . Big bore, large tailpipe, straight through, de- catted exhausts. . . . because the ones that come with the car from new just aren’t good enough.

sTeVe

Insurance also optional for any Saxo driver with the above mods because non of them have it anyway!!!

 

[Gridlock]

Giving way to traffic coming up a hill will still be the rule, but those drivers coming down who haven't got a clue about the highway code will be required to swear at the person coming up the hill when they try to use their right of way.

 

[Gridlock]

Anyone not indicating right at a roundabout forfeits their right of way and accepts all liability for being ploughed into deliberately by an angry man in a Discovery

 

[C43AMG]

22. Every one should drive in the middle lane.

 

[Dryce]

23. You must dip your brake pedal when approaching entry and exit speed averaging cameras.

 

[NICKYB]

In-case there is a risk of snow all rules above can be ignored as the UK comes to a standstill anyway.

 

[Gridlock]

3 points per inappropriate foglight.

New drivers get banned for 2 foglights (6 pts), idiots who put on both front AND rear (presumably because they don't know the difference, or how to operate their own car) also get an instant ban (12 points).

Oh, and black and silver numberplates on any car made after 1983 = roadside execution. If it's an X5, your family goes too.

This is fun!

 

[st4]

Oh, and black and silver numberplates on any car made after 1983 = roadside execution. If it's an X5, your family goes too.

This is fun!

I had 2 X5s but I admit I did laugh

 

[Ade B]

27. Under no circumstances modify your driving in response to changing weather/traffic conditions.

28. In line with above, carry a brush and high vis jacket to sweep up broken glass from the motorway.



Ade

 

[Gridlock]

If this were China I'd actually be able to implement some of these.

 

[tonysurf]

30. Not just X5s but all Beemers, except the original M5

 

[HR17]

31. Increase the speed of the car in front by flashing your lights at it. For maximum effect, ensure that you are close enough behind said car so that its driver is unable to see your lights flashing.

32. Avoid collisions with other cars by using the white lines, frequently seen on public roads, as a guideline as to where you should be driving. This works especially well on bends, roundabouts, one way systems etc. where your local council has kindly made it easy for you to find which lane you might want.

33. Express your anger at other drivers for being 'in your way' or 'disrespecting' you by displaying your penchant for onanism by making the required hand gesture to them.

34. 'Gangstas' or Chavs. Be aware that although my car has perfectly good brakes, walking out in front of me to prove how tough you are doesn't necessarily mean that I will a). bother braking or b). be able to brake in time if needed.

35. Drivers with exhausts large enough to fit a dead cat in. Yes, I'm aware of you, I'm sure you're an expert driver and I'm sure your Saxo/106/Cosa/Fiesta/Nova is dead fast!. Fortunately, I can still use and hear the HiFi in my car at all speeds.

 

[Dryce]

36. When passing through a junction controlled by traffic lights and the car ahead of you proceeds through on amber then you may proceed through on red.