On achieving unpowered flight.

Discussion in 'OT (OFF Topic) Forums' started by brucemillar, Jan 25, 2017.

  1. brucemillar

    brucemillar MB Enthusiast

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    Unpowered flight: is the ability to stay airborne for a period of time without using any power source. There are several types of unpowered flight. Some have been exploited by nature, others by man, and some by both.

    Well I have achieved it. Allow me to explain.

    Some of you will know? I have been unwell (now recovering nicely) this means that I don't sleep as well as I used to. Frequent trips to the loo are required. My nocturnal stirrings can disturb my two huge Siberian Huskies, who, unlike me usually do sleep very well. Their finely tuned, dog intuition, alerting them to the fact that I have got out of bed (we don't share a bed with the dogs) and been to the en-suite toilet, had a pee, and returned to bed.

    They sense that I have fallen into a deeper sleep than when I was first awoken by natures call. At this point! one or both of them? will decide it's time for them to venture outside to have a pee. Being unable to unlock the patio doors with their paws, they elect to start a howl that will wake up most of southern England and even Mrs M. If Mrs M is awoken? Things can turn nasty between us. Sleep deprivation, leads her to irrational behaviour, this can include physical assaults on my person. The dogs give warning of their imminent howling by tapping their claws on the wood floor as they make their way to the door, in preparation for my arrival to open it for them. This tapping alerts me to the need to move quickly and stealthily from our bed and down the stairs to where the dogs kip.

    What could possibly go wrong with this well practised maneuver? How could this lead to my achieving unpowered flight?

    Well the whole maneuver has to be done quickly. No time to put on clothes or a dressing gown. I still sleep in the nude and in the vain hope that Mrs M will one day rekindle her teenage passion for my hot male body.

    It is not without risk. My two teenage daughters sleep downstairs. It is most probable that they could be traumatised for life were they to see my hot male body, were they to be awoken by the doggy toe tapping.

    To ensure this can be accomplished peacefully and as designed. Every night as I make my way up the wooden hill to La La Land, I remove all obstacles that could interfere with my passage from bedroom to patio doors. That is every night, with the exception of last night, when knowing I had an early start I left Mrs M downstairs after I had to gone up to start my nightly ablutions.

    Imagine my unrefined joy coupled with indescribable agony when (at the start of doggy toe tapping), I crept downstairs in the pitch black, on my memorised stealth route. I discovered that Mrs M had decided to leave out the hair tongs (don't ask) that I bought her for a Christmas gift. She had carefully placed these on the very bottom stair tread (their are nine treads) where my full momentum and weight allowed my unshorn foot to drop straight onto the upturned 13amp plug.

    So there you have it. I shot vertically upwards into the stratosphere letting out a cry that even my huskies were in awe off. I stayed airborne for what seemed like an eternity, hanging in the cold night air level with the wall mounted lights (they need dusting). With no time to consider a graceful return to the earths atmosphere, I let gravity take control, before landing hard on my naked butt. A naked butt that now bears a three pronged bruise in the perfect shape of the three pronged 13 amp plug that I now also have on the sole of my right foot.

    Mrs Millar appeared at the top of the stairs to utter the immortal words "what the hell are you doing, you will wake the whole house up." Then she was gone, back to bed. The dogs managed a look of almost comedic humour, before the female of the two gave an appreciative sniff of my butt.

    I am not sure what is the greatest achievement here. The agony endured (and it still hurts) or the realisation of how high I actually managed to fly without an engine or wings.
     
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  2. James Copeland

    James Copeland Active Member

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    Brilliant. I laughed till I cried.
    Hope the bruises are fading and dignity restored
     
  3. trapperjohn

    trapperjohn MB Enthusiast

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    Strewth Bruce. You are now the only guy I know with a 3 pin socket in you rear end.
     
  4. Doodle

    Doodle MB Enthusiast

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    Technically there was some power involved, albeit indirectly. :D

    For further discussion, is Lego more or less effective in propulsion as an upturned 13amp plug.
     
  5. DrFeelgood

    DrFeelgood MB Enthusiast

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    Knighterrant will be all over this.
     
  6. Chrishazle

    Chrishazle MB Enthusiast

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    How do you remove laughter tears from a computer keyboard???
     
  7. moonloops

    moonloops MB Enthusiast

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    Handy when it comes to laying a cable :D
     
  8. roadhog

    roadhog Active Member

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    That's not flying, that's falling with style. Sheriff Woody.
     
  9. moonloops

    moonloops MB Enthusiast

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    I misread the last word as hookers :D
     
  10. baxlin

    baxlin Active Member

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    And the teenage daughters.........?
     
  11. Tim203

    Tim203 Active Member

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    Did you let the hounds out for a pee then or not?!!
     
  12. Pontoneer

    Pontoneer Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    Sounds extremely painful ; although I've stood on these things , and Lego ( not nearly as bad ) , I've never put my full weight on one .

    Perhaps , from every misfortune there can be a blessing . Maybe there is a market opportunity for a plug that can never be left lying pins up : instead of the opposite face being flat , it ought to be domed or conical so that the plug always lies on its side . Or , like the Apple watch adaptor ones , the pins fold flat when it is unplugged .

    Someone could even make new lids for existing plugs to do away with the danger , even a moulded rubber one that would fit over 'any' 13A plug ( most are roughly the same size/shape ) and could be cheaply mass produced ?

    Business/marketing opportunity for someone .
     
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  13. AMGeed

    AMGeed Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    They peed themselves laughing.
     
  14. gr1nch

    gr1nch Active Member

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    Ouch. But a free flight :) A very entertaining description OP.

    Similarly, but no flying involved, a month ago I started energetically up our front room's wooden spiral staircase in my bare feet. With my full weight on my right foot which, in the rush I'd missed planting full on the stairs, immediately my toes bent back (which was a stab of pain) but nothing, and I mean no where near, the catastrophic pain when my shin followed. My shin whacked and then raked down the tread below. I could not talk, water seeped from my eyes and hugging my shin, I hopped to the nearest, darkest corner like some dementedly animal, instinctively knowing death lurks from predators who can see you're a sitting duck. My wife rushed over, we rolled up my pajamas and saw the biggest and oddest looking bulge right across my leg under my kneecap. Never seen anything like it. "Yikes!" , it was almost funny. I could say normal words after 10 mins. Took 2 weeks before the pain finally went away. Hobbling for a week. No time off work. Don't want to go through that again!
     
  15. Chrishazle

    Chrishazle MB Enthusiast

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    You're all amateurs! 3 years ago wife decided the garden shed needed ridding of spiders webs before we put the garden furniture away for the winter - so got the kitchen steps (all 2 steps high of them!) and the vacuum cleaner from my workshop - a Henry type thing on wheels. Shortly thereafter there was a crash sound from the shed, I went in to find her in a heap on the floor having managed to fall off the kitchen steps, a distance of about 2 feet to the floor.

    There followed 2 days of helping her get around, up stairs etc as she was convinced it was just bruising. Eventually I insisted on a trip to A&E - one X ray later and she's kept in for a meccano repair to a break across the top of her thigh bone where it takes a 90 degree turn to the ball part of the join. After that (and a week in hospital) it was best part of 6 months of walking sticks etc - the bits we got from the hospital like shower seat, lifting frame for round the toilet etc., were fantastic. Thankfully 3 years on she hardly thinks about it and is pretty near normally mobile - but very careful whenever she needs to use the kitchen steps!

    However, unlike Bruce, I can't plug her into the mains for recharging - just as well, she gets hyper enough without KERS!!
     
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  16. OP
    OP
    brucemillar

    brucemillar MB Enthusiast

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    Thank you all for your kind comments. I'm glad that my agony has given you so much laughter ;^).

    Mrs M continues in her unstinting support of her husbands efforts. She has offered more words of encouragement:

    "All you had to do was let the dogs out"
    "Anybody would think you had broken your foot"
    " I hope you haven't broken my hair tongs?"

    I agree with others on here that standing on Lego bricks, in your bare feet, can/should be, a spectator sport. Rather like watching a Rodeo, points could be awarded for:

    Length of howl.
    Most profanities issued in a short breath.
    Artistic Interpretation.

    Maybe we could have our own MBclub "things I have stood on" section?

    I have to warn all of you before you think to enter that!!

    I did once (and this is true) stand - toes first - in a freshly laid pile of cat poop!! Many years later and I can still feel it squishing up between my toes. That morning, the cat was renamed to "I'll kill that f*cking cat" later shortened to the more manageable "f*cking cat"

    .....and yes the dogs did eventually make their way for their pee. No doubt laughing at the chaos their night time antics had wreaked upon us. My teenage daughters have not (as yet) suffered the trauma of seeing dad's hot body. The youngest did offer some words of sympathy "yeah whatever".
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2017
  17. baxlin

    baxlin Active Member

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    A pal of mine actually calls his cat "cooking fat", for reasons best known to Mr Spooner, I believe.
     

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