brucemillar
MB Enthusiast
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2010
- Messages
- 8,663
- Car
- C55 AMG Wagon - W124 300te 4matic Wagon - BMW 4.8is X5 E53 - SWB Pajero 3.5 V6 24v
Folks
Some time back (around Christmas 2016) I decided to try and improve on what, many will know) is almost impossible to improve...... My facial look.
The plan was simple. I should grow a beard.
I didn't want an extravagant beard, or one that would resemble Captain Birdseye, who always reminded me, of what I think a seafaring pedophile would look like. Nor did I want biblical look or the more widely known Osama Bin Laden look.
I wanted a Van Dyke or, a Charles I. A small neat pointed and straight well groomed beard, in the center of my chin and pointing down towards my feet. Pointing up or outwards, would risk creating a look like a Unicorn.
It is important, to me, not to create a look of some women, who feature in the Readers Wives section of Top Shelf porn mags, where a lack of grooming has left them with what appears like a 'torn out Victorian fire place' around the fun bits.
There is some history of beard growth and myself. I was not going into this as a complete beard virgin. Experiments in my youth had proved a George Michael stubble was possible in a fairly short time.
With this in mind, I stopped shaving. Within a week I had a tremendous (my words) white growth of stubble NB. My head hair is also white (I am not an Albino, nor do I have sheep eyes. I just have white hair). God I looked good.
Emboldened by this growth I entered into phase II.
Shaving the bits that would leave just the pointy Van Dyke. And here is the problem. Months on I am still shaving the excess bits that would give me a Brian Blessed in a Father Christmas outfit look. But the Pointy bit - the bit I want is simply not growing, in line with what I would consider normal or reasonable speed. I mean, we are talking about tiny amounts being added every few months, where I was looking for inches. In six months of growth, it has managed about an inch!! It's a good looking inch and with some grooming is pointy and in the center of my chin, pointing down, as desired. It is just not getting any longer any quicker?
What happens here? If I were in a religion, culture or cast, where the growing of a beard was demanded? Would I be cast out into the wilderness, told not to return until I lifted the shame of no facial hair growth the family? Or, is it that the beard is somehow disguised until it is ready for it's grand unveiling?
One other issue that has become apparent. The cleft in my chin is, what I believe to be a normal sized cleft? I have never been made fun of, for it, or had references to bicycle stands made about it. But the hair within the cleft, grows at the same rate as the hair outside it. This creates a hairy valley on your face, meaning that the outer hairs have to be trimmed to allow the inner hairs to catch up, then overtake their companions, thus creating a pointy look. This process wastes even more growing time. A failure to get this bit right will give a facial vagina.
Those who know such things, will tell you it was my birthday last Sunday. For the first time ever, in my birthday gifts I received......... Beard Shampoo, Conditioner & Wax and a beard comb. I was absolutely delighted with this, believing that my hirsute efforts were actually having an impact on my family. WRONG. Wife promptly announced as I opened the wrapping paper......"I know that you can't use it yet, but maybe in a few months it will come in handy"
So what do others do?
Some time back (around Christmas 2016) I decided to try and improve on what, many will know) is almost impossible to improve...... My facial look.
The plan was simple. I should grow a beard.
I didn't want an extravagant beard, or one that would resemble Captain Birdseye, who always reminded me, of what I think a seafaring pedophile would look like. Nor did I want biblical look or the more widely known Osama Bin Laden look.
I wanted a Van Dyke or, a Charles I. A small neat pointed and straight well groomed beard, in the center of my chin and pointing down towards my feet. Pointing up or outwards, would risk creating a look like a Unicorn.
It is important, to me, not to create a look of some women, who feature in the Readers Wives section of Top Shelf porn mags, where a lack of grooming has left them with what appears like a 'torn out Victorian fire place' around the fun bits.
There is some history of beard growth and myself. I was not going into this as a complete beard virgin. Experiments in my youth had proved a George Michael stubble was possible in a fairly short time.
With this in mind, I stopped shaving. Within a week I had a tremendous (my words) white growth of stubble NB. My head hair is also white (I am not an Albino, nor do I have sheep eyes. I just have white hair). God I looked good.
Emboldened by this growth I entered into phase II.
Shaving the bits that would leave just the pointy Van Dyke. And here is the problem. Months on I am still shaving the excess bits that would give me a Brian Blessed in a Father Christmas outfit look. But the Pointy bit - the bit I want is simply not growing, in line with what I would consider normal or reasonable speed. I mean, we are talking about tiny amounts being added every few months, where I was looking for inches. In six months of growth, it has managed about an inch!! It's a good looking inch and with some grooming is pointy and in the center of my chin, pointing down, as desired. It is just not getting any longer any quicker?
What happens here? If I were in a religion, culture or cast, where the growing of a beard was demanded? Would I be cast out into the wilderness, told not to return until I lifted the shame of no facial hair growth the family? Or, is it that the beard is somehow disguised until it is ready for it's grand unveiling?
One other issue that has become apparent. The cleft in my chin is, what I believe to be a normal sized cleft? I have never been made fun of, for it, or had references to bicycle stands made about it. But the hair within the cleft, grows at the same rate as the hair outside it. This creates a hairy valley on your face, meaning that the outer hairs have to be trimmed to allow the inner hairs to catch up, then overtake their companions, thus creating a pointy look. This process wastes even more growing time. A failure to get this bit right will give a facial vagina.
Those who know such things, will tell you it was my birthday last Sunday. For the first time ever, in my birthday gifts I received......... Beard Shampoo, Conditioner & Wax and a beard comb. I was absolutely delighted with this, believing that my hirsute efforts were actually having an impact on my family. WRONG. Wife promptly announced as I opened the wrapping paper......"I know that you can't use it yet, but maybe in a few months it will come in handy"
So what do others do?
