Our (much) Better Halves

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Deleted96908

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I don’t know about you guys and gals, but I couldn’t live without my better half. She’s everything to me and my appreciation and love for her increases by the day. Which is kinda strange as I can’t imagine loving her more than I do, but come next week the relationship will have reached new highs, as it always does.

Now why is this? I’d like to think my wife is special, which to me she is of course, but I reckon, once couples get past the 7 year itch, both sides just get closer and closer until there isn't anything between them. Which suggests that love is a function of time, or is it? Can we meet and know that somebody is the right person, the minute we set eyes on them? That wasn’t the case for me, although it was very close. Here’s our story and would love to hear yours too.

I’d spent most of my late teens and twenties working in Africa and Asia. And as you can imagine life was exciting. But I’d never met anybody that made me feel instantly that she was the one. The one meaning she had to look great, be very smart, elegant, charming and of course, stand a good chance of helping me make great kids. Other must haves were no makeup, no high heels, no bad habits and… very fit. Now I know that most of these qualities are subjective, but our gut feel is all we have - unless you want a trophy wife - and if you are driven purely by your emotions it’s difficult to resist that urge when your heart goes nuts and your legs go wobbly. And that’s what happened to me. But not in the way you might think.

It was 1992 and I was product manager at Autodesk. My (software) products included 3D Studio and Animator (which is important to the story) and part of my job was exhibiting at trade events and generally raising the profile every chance I got. Now I’d heard of the London Computer Animation Festival and I had the bright idea of enquiring whether I could sponsor the prizes by giving away copies of 3D Studio. As it happened this turned out to be bit of a coup because the awards for things like best VFX in a Feature Film, were usually won by software programmes costing at least 10 times the £1950 that 3D Studio cost at the time. Anyway, I digress as the point of this was I rang up the Director of the Festival and we chatted on the phone. And my legs went wobbly and my heart went AWOL for the duration of the call. Yep, you’ve got it. I’d fallen for somebody I hadn’t even met and based purely on what she said and how she'd said it.

So feeling very nervous, but keen to investigate further, I arranged to meet her at one of the trade shows she also managed - Computer Graphics at Ally Pally. And weak at the knees for what seemed hours, I waited and waited until I saw this absolutely beautiful vision walking towards me asking for me by name.. and yes, it was the same voice I’d fallen for a week or so earlier.

So to cut a long story short, a couple of weeks after a very successful London Computer Animation Festival, I get a call from her to ask me if I’d like to go to the Cardiff Animation Festival. Yes please… (try holding me back) and a few days later there we were both nervous, heading off down the M4. But the nerves didn’t last long. Sitting besides each other in the theatre and just a few inches apart, up came the first film and …..

There in front of us was a hand drawn animated film of a …… cowboy f*cking a horse. :confused:

We looked at each other, both burst out laughing and with tears rolling down her cheeks she swore blind she had no idea. But that was it, the ice was broken - and I just knew we’d be together for ever.

As it happened we both jacked our jobs in and went to work in Sweden and lived on the side of a remote Fjord until our first child was conceived. And a little over 2 year later Nicola and I got married on an Oxford barge in Streatley-on-Thames , with child number 2 on the way. And bless.., we’ve lived happily ever after since.

But that's not to say we've lived without the challenges that can test the strongest of marriages. Surviving the crash of '08 intact was down largely to Nicola, and keeping our heads above the water when Patagonian jr contracted blood cancer in 2012, was again something I couldn't have managed alone. In fact in both cases, and since, in other challenges, Nicola has proven to be the bedrock of the family. Uncomplaining and generally a superstar in every respect.

Now I know I am not alone in feeling the way that I do. Many of us here are much the same age and I reckon lots of you will have similar stories to tell, albeit I challenge you to beat falling in love over the phone. :)


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A heartwarming story and an enjoyable read. Thank you. It’s good to hear so much positivity.

I can’t say that time necessarily brings couples ever closer together; the last seven of the 27 years my first wife and I were married saw us slowly drifting apart. In the end we were little more than housemates. I was suffering so much from stress, stress that I thought was brought on by my work, that I sought counselling. It made me realise it was my deteriorating home life that was the major issue. In the months before the counselling I had jumped at the offer to retire at 50 on a full pension two years hence. My wife, seemingly oblivious to my stress, saw it as a chance for herself to give up work whilst I started another well paid job. We had two wonderful children, one a graduate with a good job and the other in her final year at university. With a relatively small mortgage on our London house we were comfortable and not in need of extra income, but my wife had other ideas.

Things were just about bearable but not great as we headed towards our 27th wedding anniversary. I’d become resigned to what I thought was an average life with nothing special to look forward to. Even my suggestions for holiday locations were greeted with zero enthusiasm and no alternative. The love had faded; physical contact pretty much non-existent. So I wasn’t in the slightest bit disappointed to be sent away to Mongolia for a couple of week’s work. No matter that it was January and the temperature there ranging from minus 25C downwards. Little did I know then that it would be the start of a completely new and amazing chapter in my life.

To be continued.
 
I enlisted help from a friend with 3D Studio Max to create an animation for a project which was part of my degree! Great bit of software.

I met my other half in the days of online chatrooms c/o Microsoft and Yahoo.

We started out as friends and just let things roll with no agenda or anything of the sort.

We enjoyed each other's company very much and still do.

I knew early on it would go the distance and 17 years later, with 12 years of marriage, nothing has changed. If anything, like you Chris, we've got closer and closer.

I've never really understood those who moan about their other halves or can't wait for them to be away or they can't wait to be away.

Maybe with some it is a joke but I've never ever felt that, thought it or said it as I cannot imagine being with someone you don't want to be with - what a waste of time. In some situations, maybe there is no choice...

I am someone who can be single without any issue at all, but I can't imagine not being with Mrs J.
 
...

In January 1995 I eventually arrived in Mongolia’s capital Ulaanbaatar following a long and arduous journey via Beijing. The snow lay thick on the ground and the afternoon temperature hovered around minus 25 Centigrade. Well wrapped up I ventured out from my centrally located hotel to explore a bit of the city that’s surrounded by mountains. I stopped in the massive central square to look at my surroundings when two short but heavily clad figures approached me. In a strong accent one of them asked “Can you help us?” I eventually ascertained that they were two ladies who had recently started studying English and hoped I’d be able to speak to them in my mother tongue. At that time visitors were a rare sight in Mongolia. Despite their very limited English and my non-existent Mongolian, we agreed that they would show me around their city in exchange for me talking to them.

Until we stopped for a coffee, I’d seen no more of either lady than their eyes. Scarves covered the rest of their faces. Once in the warmth of a ramshackle cafe they took off some of their protection to reveal two stunning well-dressed young ladies, both with silky long black hair and good figures. They were in their early 20s and had been best friends since school. We met up on a few more occasions during my free time in Mongolia, during which I learnt more about the capital and them. They were both very easy to talk to, in spite of the lack of common language.

During one of my business development meetings with the British Ambassador he mentioned that some Mongolians went to England to study. I told him about the girls I had met who I’d learnt had very little money, yet were typical of their countryfolk. I asked how the Mongolians who went to England funded their trips. He replied that it was mostly through company sponsorship. That set me wondering whether or not my company would be willing to sponsor the two girls for a UK visit to give an example to our potential clients of our commitment to the country. I thought it the least I could do for the two girls who had given up so much of their time to make me feel so welcome.

On my return to the UK I soon managed to get agreement to the sponsorship and arranged for the girls to visit for a couple of weeks. With three spare bedrooms at our house I thought nothing of inviting the girls to stay with us. My wife was a lot less willing to accommodate two strangers, particularly beautiful young ladies! She remained cold towards the girls, mostly leaving us to our own devices. Of course I was attracted to both of them, but kept my distance at all times as a loyal husband.

When the girls returned home they determined to do their best to come back here to study English. With the help of many relatives they scraped together just about enough money. I researched the many available courses and got them booked in to a course in Cheltenham that offered the best overall value. That September they were about to set off to the airport when the sister of one of the girls suddenly died. So the other girl, Tuya, got on the flight on her own. I met her at Heathrow where she had been held by the Immigration Department who objected to her arriving on her own. After many hours they released her into my care, with the condition that she returned to Mongolia on the next available flight. That flight wasn’t for another week so I took her to her lodgings in Cheltenham. I then discovered that we could lodge an objection to the refusal to enter, so I did so within a couple of days. With the objection in place, Tuya was free to stay until a court hearing. I was concerned about her being on her own so over the next few weeks I drove to Cheltenham to check on her welfare. It was during those visits that we grew closer and closer together.

When the court case was eventually heard about nine weeks later the magistrate had a real go at the Immigration Officer for wasting everyone’s time, and let Tuya go with a new extended visa. The court was near Heathrow so I’d booked us into a nearby hotel for the night before the hearing. That’s when our relationship really developed. The next day I moved to Cheltenham.

Two years later, after an expensive divorce, Tuya and I married. That was twenty years ago, 20 amazing years. Tuya never ceases to amaze me how clever, kind, generous and caring she is. It took us 17 years of marriage and lots of trips to hospital and operations for both of us to eventually get our wonderful daughter. Tuya’s patience and determination throughout that time was exemplary. Life continues to get better and better.

(The other girl who I met in Mongolia that day is now married to an English guy and living just a few minutes from us. We’re all best friends.)
 
I met my (future) wife in 1976. We started going out in 1977 and got married in 1979. We are still married, have two children and three grandchildren and are still the best of friends. I'm confident this will continue and would definitely find it hard to be without her. Nothing is perfect though and we do bicker from time to time, mainly about very minor issues.
 
Not so sure our story can beat any of the above but as every story is unique it's not my intention.

Deb & I have known each other since we were both 11. Attending the same secondary school where we grew up in Manchester. Being in the same year we always got along very well but also very 'chalk & cheese'. She was (is) a hard worker, sensible (went on to be Headgirl) and everyone's fav girl and way out of my league. I was a chatterbox, class clown and never a care in the world. I wasn't malicious or bad.

When we were 14 we started going out together (dating) which shocked pretty much everyone in the school as we appeared to be so different (Opposites indeed attract). This one day Deb was called to the staff room and was interigated about our relationship. (Talk about them judging a book by its cover eh???)

Debbie became unwell at school and missed 50% of her final year. Although her studying from home paid off with 5A's 2B's & 1C in her GCSE's. (I'll not give details of my results, can't remember them of the top of my head :))

We grew up together having never dated anyone else. I can't remember a day passing without us seeing each other. Many people warned us we'd 'get bored' of each other but they couldn't have been more wrong. We bought a house when we were 18, renovated it then got married at 20 and moved in.

As the years rolled on Deb got more and more poorly and we were told we would struggle to conceive a child, and if we did then a miscarriage would be very likely. At the age of 30 we arranged for her to have a full hysterectomy in an attempt to cure her chronic Endometriosis. We were given a date of 6th January 2005 (I'll never forget that date). We started looking into adoption with a view to setting the wheels in motion once Deb had recovered from the op.

However, in December 2004 we were overwhelmed to find out that Debbie was pregnant. Very mixed emotions given we'd been told a miscarriage was very likely. The hysterectomy was cancelled. The hospital was truely amazing through the the pregnancy giving Debbie scans every 2-3 weeks. After each scan they'd simply say: "one day at a time".

After a very difficult labour Deb gave birth to our miricle daughter in July 2005.

Two years later Deb had the hysterectomy to help cure the endometriosis.

We are now both 44 and happier than ever. We've never argued, fallen out or even spent a night apart. We have petty disagreements but always laugh them off. I never ever take her for granted. I thank her for the everything she does

Given Debbie's horrible history of health and what she's been through (too long a list to tell) she's always smiling, never complains, is caring and never a bad word to say about anyone. She gives everyone the benifit of the doubt.

Given all the above I can totally agree with Chris's thread title. Deb is indeed my MUCH better half. :)
 
We've been married since we were 18 (1976). Been an item since school, 15 & 16 years old. Have 3 sons in their 30s, 2 daughters in law and 1 grandson. I retired 2 years ago due to health issues, she still works as a nurse.

We've come through some rough times together over the years but the key word is TOGETHER. We do everything together, spend every day off together, visit our static caravan in the lakes as often as we can and even go shopping together. She celebrates her 60th this Wednesday.

We still have the odd disagreement but very short-lived. I often wonder why she wants to be with me but she does. She is my better half. (Don't tell her I said that) ;)
 
We've come through some rough times together over the years but the key word is TOGETHER. We do everything together, spend every day off together, visit our static caravan in the lakes as often as we can and even go shopping together.

We still have the odd disagreement but very short-lived. I often wonder why she wants to be with me but she does. She is my better half. (Don't tell her I said that) ;)

I think this sums us up really.

There are the odd things we do separately - like I wouldn't have put my other half through getting up at 05:00am and spending a cold damp day at Bruntingthorpe watching a load of cars drive fast against each other... but otherwise we do everything together.

The whole point of being with someone is you want to be with them.

Makes getting through challenges like bereavement a bit easier to bear.
 
I enlisted help from a friend with 3D Studio Max to create an animation for a project which was part of my degree! Great bit of software.

I'm really proud of my time at Autodesk John and often meet people who knew me by sight from the trade shows we used to attend. Happy days and pleased to say both Nicola and I still work in and around the VFX/Post industries.

I met my other half in the days of online chatrooms c/o Microsoft and Yahoo.

Weren't they fun. How was it when you first met in person?

I've never really understood those who moan about their other halves or can't wait for them to be away or they can't wait to be away.

I agree and happy to say that I've never moaned about my wife to anybody. I don't understand those folks, guys as well as women, who slag off their partners all the time. Makes me very suspicious of them.
 
...

In January 1995 I eventually arrived in Mongolia’s capital Ulaanbaatar following a long and arduous journey via Beijing. The snow lay thick on the ground and the afternoon temperature hovered around minus 25 Centigrade. Well wrapped up I ventured out from my centrally located hotel to explore a bit of the city that’s surrounded by mountains. I stopped in the massive central square to look at my surroundings when two short but heavily clad figures approached me. In a strong accent one of them asked “Can you help us?” I eventually ascertained that they were two ladies who had recently started studying English and hoped I’d be able to speak to them in my mother tongue. At that time visitors were a rare sight in Mongolia. Despite their very limited English and my non-existent Mongolian, we agreed that they would show me around their city in exchange for me talking to them.

Until we stopped for a coffee, I’d seen no more of either lady than their eyes. Scarves covered the rest of their faces. Once in the warmth of a ramshackle cafe they took off some of their protection to reveal two stunning well-dressed young ladies, both with silky long black hair and good figures. They were in their early 20s and had been best friends since school. We met up on a few more occasions during my free time in Mongolia, during which I learnt more about the capital and them. They were both very easy to talk to, in spite of the lack of common language.

During one of my business development meetings with the British Ambassador he mentioned that some Mongolians went to England to study. I told him about the girls I had met who I’d learnt had very little money, yet were typical of their countryfolk. I asked how the Mongolians who went to England funded their trips. He replied that it was mostly through company sponsorship. That set me wondering whether or not my company would be willing to sponsor the two girls for a UK visit to give an example to our potential clients of our commitment to the country. I thought it the least I could do for the two girls who had given up so much of their time to make me feel so welcome.

On my return to the UK I soon managed to get agreement to the sponsorship and arranged for the girls to visit for a couple of weeks. With three spare bedrooms at our house I thought nothing of inviting the girls to stay with us. My wife was a lot less willing to accommodate two strangers, particularly beautiful young ladies! She remained cold towards the girls, mostly leaving us to our own devices. Of course I was attracted to both of them, but kept my distance at all times as a loyal husband.

When the girls returned home they determined to do their best to come back here to study English. With the help of many relatives they scraped together just about enough money. I researched the many available courses and got them booked in to a course in Cheltenham that offered the best overall value. That September they were about to set off to the airport when the sister of one of the girls suddenly died. So the other girl, Tuya, got on the flight on her own. I met her at Heathrow where she had been held by the Immigration Department who objected to her arriving on her own. After many hours they released her into my care, with the condition that she returned to Mongolia on the next available flight. That flight wasn’t for another week so I took her to her lodgings in Cheltenham. I then discovered that we could lodge an objection to the refusal to enter, so I did so within a couple of days. With the objection in place, Tuya was free to stay until a court hearing. I was concerned about her being on her own so over the next few weeks I drove to Cheltenham to check on her welfare. It was during those visits that we grew closer and closer together.

When the court case was eventually heard about nine weeks later the magistrate had a real go at the Immigration Officer for wasting everyone’s time, and let Tuya go with a new extended visa. The court was near Heathrow so I’d booked us into a nearby hotel for the night before the hearing. That’s when our relationship really developed. The next day I moved to Cheltenham.

Two years later, after an expensive divorce, Tuya and I married. That was twenty years ago, 20 amazing years. Tuya never ceases to amaze me how clever, kind, generous and caring she is. It took us 17 years of marriage and lots of trips to hospital and operations for both of us to eventually get our wonderful daughter. Tuya’s patience and determination throughout that time was exemplary. Life continues to get better and better.

(The other girl who I met in Mongolia that day is now married to an English guy and living just a few minutes from us. We’re all best friends.)

I was hoping you'd post the background to meeting your wife @knighterrant. You mentioned this in part in the And After We Say Goodbye thread and it's great to hear more of the back story. Great to hear you had a daughter together. Love every minute of the time with my daughter, 25 this year. Wow, can't believe where the time has gone!

Is your wife a good cook? Do you like Mongolian food? It sounds a fascinating country. Do you travel back often?
 
Not so sure our story can beat any of the above but as every story is unique it's not my intention.

Deb & I have known each other since we were both 11. Attending the same secondary school where we grew up in Manchester. Being in the same year we always got along very well but also very 'chalk & cheese'. She was (is) a hard worker, sensible (went on to be Headgirl) and everyone's fav girl and way out of my league. I was a chatterbox, class clown and never a care in the world. I wasn't malicious or bad.

When we were 14 we started going out together (dating) which shocked pretty much everyone in the school as we appeared to be so different (Opposites indeed attract). This one day Deb was called to the staff room and was interigated about our relationship. (Talk about them judging a book by its cover eh???)

Debbie became unwell at school and missed 50% of her final year. Although her studying from home paid off with 5A's 2B's & 1C in her GCSE's. (I'll not give details of my results, can't remember them of the top of my head :))

We grew up together having never dated anyone else. I can't remember a day passing without us seeing each other. Many people warned us we'd 'get bored' of each other but they couldn't have been more wrong. We bought a house when we were 18, renovated it then got married at 20 and moved in.

As the years rolled on Deb got more and more poorly and we were told we would struggle to conceive a child, and if we did then a miscarriage would be very likely. At the age of 30 we arranged for her to have a full hysterectomy in an attempt to cure her chronic Endometriosis. We were given a date of 6th January 2005 (I'll never forget that date). We started looking into adoption with a view to setting the wheels in motion once Deb had recovered from the op.

However, in December 2004 we were overwhelmed to find out that Debbie was pregnant. Very mixed emotions given we'd been told a miscarriage was very likely. The hysterectomy was cancelled. The hospital was truely amazing through the the pregnancy giving Debbie scans every 2-3 weeks. After each scan they'd simply say: "one day at a time".

After a very difficult labour Deb gave birth to our miricle daughter in July 2005.

Two years later Deb had the hysterectomy to help cure the endometriosis.

We are now both 44 and happier than ever. We've never argued, fallen out or even spent a night apart. We have petty disagreements but always laugh them off. I never ever take her for granted. I thank her for the everything she does

Given Debbie's horrible history of health and what she's been through (too long a list to tell) she's always smiling, never complains, is caring and never a bad word to say about anyone. She gives everyone the benifit of the doubt.

Given all the above I can totally agree with Chris's thread title. Deb is indeed my MUCH better half. :)

From what I understand from the hundreds of hours we've chatted together Ant, and what you've said here, it sounds like you have a fabulous relationship. Makes me wonder actually, why folks like your wife and you, aren't snapped up, or at least offered marriage guidance roles. Seems to me that folks give up on each other far too easily and could do with some advice on how to keep things together.

Psst, by the way, what's it like to date the head girl? :):)
 
We've been married since we were 18 (1976)

And what a year to get married. Remember the summer?

I retired 2 years ago due to health issues, she still works as a nurse.

Hope you are feeling better. How's retirement? Do you have dinner on the table for when your wife gets home? Although I guess she works all hours.

We've come through some rough times together over the years but the key word is TOGETHER

Together, yes. Perfectly put.
 
I met my (future) wife in 1976. We started going out in 1977 and got married in 1979. We are still married, have two children and three grandchildren and are still the best of friends. I'm confident this will continue and would definitely find it hard to be without her. Nothing is perfect though and we do bicker from time to time, mainly about very minor issues.

I think bickering is a safety valve. We occasionally flare up, but it's over in seconds and we rarely disagree on the same subject again, unless it's about the kids. Mother's son and father's daughter :)

You mention you'd find it hard to be without your wife. I've been awake since 2am and decided to get up, but not before resting on my elbow for a minute or so and looking at her sleeping and thinking, as I do every day, that my life would be nothing without hers.
 
Hi Patagonian. Thanks for your thoughts.

Yep, '76 was a hot one! Retirement is odd, I feel too young to be retired. I will probably get a 'pin money' job eventually but too involved in house renovations at the mo.
I had a heart attack about 3 years ago and had a stent put in but had to have bypass surgery 6 months later. Went back to work but the whole thing had knocked the stuffing out of me. I took the option of early retirement.
I could not have wished for a more supportive partner through all of this.
 
"A woman a dog and a walnut tree, the more you beat them the better they be". :rolleyes:
 
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I was hoping you'd post the background to meeting your wife @knighterrant. You mentioned this in part in the And After We Say Goodbye thread and it's great to hear more of the back story. Great to hear you had a daughter together. Love every minute of the time with my daughter, 25 this year. Wow, can't believe where the time has gone!

Is your wife a good cook? Do you like Mongolian food? It sounds a fascinating country. Do you travel back often?
They grow up far too quickly. I foolishly spent too much of my time working when my eldest daughter was growing up, but I’m not making that mistake again.

My wife is annoyingly brilliant at everything she does, including cooking. I wouldn’t say that food is one of Mongolia’s best attributes; it’s ok but nothing special. There’s not a great deal of variety because the exceptionally harsh winters prevent the growth of many food basics. But Mongolian vodka is easily the best in the world :) Mongolia itself though is a fascinating country with an abundance of mountains, rivers and the empty steppes that stretch to the horizon. The nomadic people are very welcoming and always ready to offer you their last drop of water and shelter for the night. My wife goes back every year, usually via Moscow but we’re a bit concerned about that route at the moment. I’ve been 9 or 10 times, in winters and summers, but still can’t speak the language! Since my first visit in 1995 it’s changed massively, especially Ulaanbaatar. New buildings are shooting up everywhere and proper roads are being built. The country still retains a lot of its special character, thanks to its sheer size. But the capital has become overcrowded and less interesting.
 
Weren't they fun. How was it when you first met in person?

Like I'd known her for years. We chatted online for about 6 months before we met...

I spilt beer on her leg on our first date but we both found it very amusing.
 
I was hoping you'd post the background to meeting your wife @knighterrant. You mentioned this in part in the And After We Say Goodbye thread and it's great to hear more of the back story. Great to hear you had a daughter together. Love every minute of the time with my daughter, 25 this year. Wow, can't believe where the time has gone!

Is your wife a good cook? Do you like Mongolian food? It sounds a fascinating country. Do you travel back often?
A bit of a taster for Mongolia, providing a clue to just some of the diversity it has to offer:
 
I'd like to get a Zetros 6X6 and drive all over Mongolia - slowly.
 

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