Out of the mouths of babes

[219]

The other night I decided to watch 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' - the original 1951 version starring Michael Rennie ; my two year old son , Harris , was watching with me .

I had to burst out laughing when , at the point when the spaceship had landed and Michael Rennie appeared in his spacesuit , Harris exclaimed " Daddy - THE STIG ! "

What gems have your kids come out with ?

 

[tpwuk]

My 3 year old son Oscar, said to his Grandma (my Mother-in-Law)....after seeing some of her laundry on a clothes maiden.

"Grandma, my Daddy said you wear big knickers because you have a big bottom!"

Thanks kid!

 

[Satch]

My sister was in her village shop/Post Office when three year old daughter burst into tears and wailed:

"Mummy, why will Daddy not come home?"

As every pair of beady eyes in the shop turned in her direction she lightly responded:

"Now darling, you know Daddy is WORKING A LONG WAY AWAY and will be BACK ON FRIDAY. We all miss him ever so much"

"Is that why you drink so much wine every night?"

 

[MercFanUk]

My little one used to refer to taxi's as 'Sexy's' before he could pronounce properly, used to make me chuckle every time

 

[219]

The other notable ( and cringeworthy ) comment came when I took Harris on the train to Glasgow : a bald man got on and sat opposite us , to whom Harris pointed and said , loudly " Mr Potato-Head " .

I don't know who was more embarrassed .

 

[tpwuk]

Was at Centre Parcs last year. Took my little lad into the gents for a pee. As I ushered him into a cubicle he noticed a bloke stood at the urinals, my boy pointed at him and asked "Daddy, has that man got a big willy or a small one?"

lol

 

[d w124]

My little girl crying and telling me,Daddy this man is breaking the car

 

[219]

Another nice one - not so long ago , I took Harris , now four , down to Ayr on the train .

As we were passing the numerous golf courses , he noticed some golfers and asked what they were doing , so I explained they were out playing with their friends .

A couple of minutes later , he spotted a solitary golfer and announced loudly " Look daddy , that man has no friends " to which there were uproars of laughter from other passengers

 

[BoyracerAU]

My brother brought his kids 5yo & 9yo to Grandma's for dinner and he asked his 5yo to say grace.

The little one promptly and flawlessly launched into a big round of thanks for absolutely everything they've done that day and finally finished off with giving thanks for the food on the table, amen.

All good, except my proud brother was wanting to show how well his 5yo understood it all and asked him WHO he was thanking....

The response was "Grandma!"

 

[Dieselman]

My little girl crying and telling me,Daddy this man is breaking the car

She was right...

 

[Starky]

Taking my then two year old son on a trip to London, when at the train station a larger women walked past who my son spotted and point out that she had a very big fat butt! all within ear shot of the unpleased lady. There was no dressing that one up.

 

[Charles Morgan]

I stayed with friend of mine, his wife recently having given birth to a son. As I helped cook dinner, their 4 year old daughter looked at my stomach, and asked her daddy - is Charles pregnant like Mummy was?

 

[Troon]

More here:

http://www.mbclub.co.uk/forums/ot-off-topic-forums/130191-so-things-your-kids-have-said.html

 

[219]

Reviving an old thread , but this was so funny ...

Last night I had Harris in the car ( he's 10 now ) and we passed the local Roman Catholic primary school . The sign outside said " St. Mary's RC Primary School "

Only Harris read it out as " St. Mary's Remote Control Primary School " then asked why it was called that !!!

Jan and I both erupted in gales of laughter .

 

[Ted]

Grandson, 7
We made a bow and arrows, the arrows were made out of bamboo.
With a flagrant disregard for health and safety, I showed him how to sharpen the arrows to within an inch of their lives.
Looking me straight in the eye, he said very seriously
“Careful, grandad. You’ll have someone’s eye out with them”.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/27kU2wSKnzQeqsyq9

https://photos.app.goo.gl/VhSQe61vCEEK4Qie9

 

[Alex225]

Just after my youngest daughter was born, my eldest was staying with us (she lives with her mum but obviously comes to us).

Randomly she asks my other half, 'Do you have Google?'. Bit baffled and assuming she meant using Google on an iPad or something we said that we did.

She then leans down and goes, 'OK GOOGLE'............laughing I had to tell her that what she was talking to wasn't a Google Home........

............it was a breast pump!

 

[Gazwould]

I'm not resident parent , daughter asked me if built a Snowman like her , but I explained I did play with the snow because I cleared a rear patio , driveway , pavement and neighbours paths , lol .

 

[Nicebutdim]

Last year a chap came to buy a motorcycle from me. He brought his elderly dad with him to help him load the bike onto the van.

The elderly guy told me that his wife had died a few years earlier. His 8 year old granddaughter was not old enough to remember her and she told him it would have been nice to have been able to tell her grandma some things.

He suggested to his granddaughter that she write a letter to her grandma saying all the things she might like to say. She did this and when she finished the letter she asked her grandad what she could do with it.

He suggested she keep it in her scrapbook so she could look back on it in the future. Instead, she gave the letter to her grandad and said. “You keep it. You’ll be dead soon. You can give it to her yourself”

 

[Deleted member 6183]

Just after my youngest daughter was born, my eldest was staying with us (she lives with her mum but obviously comes to us).

Randomly she asks my other half, 'Do you have Google?'. Bit baffled and assuming she meant using Google on an iPad or something we said that we did.

She then leans down and goes, 'OK GOOGLE'............laughing I had to tell her that what she was talking to wasn't a Google Home........

............it was a breast pump!

What an excellent gadget, how big will they pump them puppies up to?

 

[Chrishazle]

Wishful thinking, it's a deflator, not an inflator!