Satch
MB Enthusiast
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2003
- Messages
- 3,508
- Location
- Surrey
- Car
- S211 E320Cdi Avantgarde Estate & Toyota Land Cruiser
Conservative
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You keep both but and give your poor neighbour use of the other one in return for a fee. After that you regret what you have done.
Socialist
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. The Government takes one
off you, and gives it to your neighbour. You are forced to found a
collective to help your neighbour in the upkeep of the animal.
Social Democrats
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty because you
are so successful. You elect people into government, who tax your cows.
The people you have elected take this money, buy a cow and give it to
your neighbour. They feel righteous. Mick Hucknall sings for them.
Free Democrat/Libertarian
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?
Communists
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. The Government confiscates
both cows, makes you look after them, produce the milk and give it to a collective, which then sells the milk back to you. But you have to queue for hours for the milk and it has gone off by the time it gets back to you.
Pure capitalism
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You sell one, and buy a
bull to raise a herd. He still has no cows but you have lots.
EU Agro-economy
You have two cows. The EU pays you to keep both cows. Then it buys one from you, kills it and pays you compensation for not producing the milk. The milk produced by the other one is then dumped in the Channel.
American company
You have two cows. You sell one, and lease it back. You found a
company. You force both cows to provide four times as much milk. You are amazed when one dies. You hold a press conference, where you as CEO explain that you have reduced costs by 50%. Your shares double and you pay yourself a huge bonus.
French company
You have two cows. You go on strike, because you want to have
three. You have lunch. Life is wonderful.
Japanese company
You have two cows. By means of the most modern genetic technology, the
animals are reduced to a tenth of their original size, and provide twentytimes as much milk.
However, you have had to borrow vast sums to do all this. The Bank cannot ask for the money back as you have spent it and you have no chance of ever repaying it because milk is milk and you simply cannot generate enough cash.
So you and the Bank pretend everything is OK until the Government bails you both out.
German company
You have two cows. By means of the most modern genetic technology, the
animals are redesigned so that they are all blonde, drink loads of beer,
provide milk of the very highest quality and can run at 155 miles an hour for hours on end.
Unfortunately they cost a fortune in beer, ask for thirteen weeks off every year and you can never send one to the knackers yard when it stops producing milk
Italian company
You possibly have two cows, but have three sets of accounts so can never really be sure. You have no idea where they are anyway but the EU CAP keeps paying you money so you must have them.
While you are looking for them, you see a beautiful woman. You go and have lunch with her. Life is wonderful.
Russian company
You have two cows. You count five. You drink even more vodka. You
count them again, and come to forty-two. Delighted, you count them again, but only come to twelve. Disappointed, you give up counting them, and open
another bottle of vodka.
The mafia visits you, and takes the cows, however many there are, away from you.
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You keep both but and give your poor neighbour use of the other one in return for a fee. After that you regret what you have done.
Socialist
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. The Government takes one
off you, and gives it to your neighbour. You are forced to found a
collective to help your neighbour in the upkeep of the animal.
Social Democrats
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty because you
are so successful. You elect people into government, who tax your cows.
The people you have elected take this money, buy a cow and give it to
your neighbour. They feel righteous. Mick Hucknall sings for them.
Free Democrat/Libertarian
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?
Communists
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. The Government confiscates
both cows, makes you look after them, produce the milk and give it to a collective, which then sells the milk back to you. But you have to queue for hours for the milk and it has gone off by the time it gets back to you.
Pure capitalism
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You sell one, and buy a
bull to raise a herd. He still has no cows but you have lots.
EU Agro-economy
You have two cows. The EU pays you to keep both cows. Then it buys one from you, kills it and pays you compensation for not producing the milk. The milk produced by the other one is then dumped in the Channel.
American company
You have two cows. You sell one, and lease it back. You found a
company. You force both cows to provide four times as much milk. You are amazed when one dies. You hold a press conference, where you as CEO explain that you have reduced costs by 50%. Your shares double and you pay yourself a huge bonus.
French company
You have two cows. You go on strike, because you want to have
three. You have lunch. Life is wonderful.
Japanese company
You have two cows. By means of the most modern genetic technology, the
animals are reduced to a tenth of their original size, and provide twentytimes as much milk.
However, you have had to borrow vast sums to do all this. The Bank cannot ask for the money back as you have spent it and you have no chance of ever repaying it because milk is milk and you simply cannot generate enough cash.
So you and the Bank pretend everything is OK until the Government bails you both out.
German company
You have two cows. By means of the most modern genetic technology, the
animals are redesigned so that they are all blonde, drink loads of beer,
provide milk of the very highest quality and can run at 155 miles an hour for hours on end.
Unfortunately they cost a fortune in beer, ask for thirteen weeks off every year and you can never send one to the knackers yard when it stops producing milk
Italian company
You possibly have two cows, but have three sets of accounts so can never really be sure. You have no idea where they are anyway but the EU CAP keeps paying you money so you must have them.
While you are looking for them, you see a beautiful woman. You go and have lunch with her. Life is wonderful.
Russian company
You have two cows. You count five. You drink even more vodka. You
count them again, and come to forty-two. Delighted, you count them again, but only come to twelve. Disappointed, you give up counting them, and open
another bottle of vodka.
The mafia visits you, and takes the cows, however many there are, away from you.
