Providing support during the 'Lockdown'

[D-18]

In these days of lockdown, some of us are struggling to find things to do. I thought it might be useful for forum members to use some spare time and pool their collective wisdom to try and help those bewildered and confused souls who struggle to find relevant information about their Mercedes.
If you are able to answer some of these points, it may assist other forum members. Please add any others that you think I’ve omitted.

I know a lot of information can readily be gleaned from the owner’s manual, but in many cases that might require getting off your chair to read it for yourself, so over to you guys:

What are the best tyres?

What is the largest wheel and tyre size I can use?

What are the correct tyre pressures?

What oil should I use?

What is the best wax?

How should I wash my car?

Will this item fit my car?

Should I extend my warranty?

Is it better to get the car on PCP / buy outright / finance / steal it?

I’ve been quoted £5.42 for a full service on my 2019 S Class – a rip-off. Can someone recommend somewhere cheaper?

Should I paint my brake calipers?

What colour should I paint my brake calipers?

Can I use old pieces of folded cardboard in my SL rather than expensive MB brake pads?

There is a noise in my car. What is causing it?

Will I get twice the power and double the mpg if I use V-Power (other premium fuels are available) rather than supermarket fuel?

My rear wheel bearings have worn out after only 450,000 miles and 25 years of use. What has happened to Mercedes quality?

I drive a Mercedes, so I’m obviously important and fabulously wealthy. Why do other drivers not understand that they should get out of my way?

My daughter lives in Cairns, Australia. She has a 1960’s ‘Dansette’ record player. How do I remotely link this to my car audio system so that she can play me her vinyl records?

My main dealer read the fault codes on my car and apparently I need to replace the ‘bell-end’ holding the steering wheel. Where can I find such a thing (cheaply)?

 

[Deleted member 37751]

Hahahaha

 

[Bobby Dazzler]

To MBClub members. Please don’t answer all questions too completely too soon, or else there will be nothing for us to discuss (or argue) ever again. Thanks, from the rest of us.

 

[John N]

What are the best tyres?

Answer: Round ones!

What is the largest wheel and tyre size I can use?

Answer: The ones that fill the entire Wheel Arch Cavity!

What are the correct tyre pressures?

Answer: Any Pressure NOT Listed on the Fuel Flap or Handbook!

What oil should I use?

Answer: I prefer Linseed but other varieties are available!

What is the best wax?

Answer: BEES of course!

How should I wash my car?

Answer: With water from the Toilet Pan, don't forget to dry the Paintwork with a Muddy Rag to ensure that the Swirls are kept as deep as possible!

Will this item fit my car?

Answer: As I looking at a Glass of Lemonade, Probably!

Should I extend my warranty?

Answer: In the current Lockdown, NO!

Is it better to get the car on PCP / buy outright / finance / steal it?

Answer: If you use all 4 Options you can have 4 Cars, I'd go for that Option!

I’ve been quoted £5.42 for a full service on my 2019 S Class – a rip-off. Can someone recommend somewhere cheaper?

Answer: Just ignore the Servicing Cheap as Chips on that Plan!

Should I paint my brake calipers?

Answer: Yes See the Oil answer above!

What colour should I paint my brake calipers?

Answer: Puke Yellow, See the Oil answer above!

Can I use old pieces of folded cardboard in my SL rather than expensive MB brake pads?

Answer: NO Use New Cardboard, it will last longer!

There is a noise in my car. What is causing it?

Answer: Please provide an everlasting Video that no one can hear in order to allow us NOT to Track Down the Source of the noise we can't hear!

Will I get twice the power and double the mpg if I use V-Power (other premium fuels are available) rather than supermarket fuel?

Answer: NO Everyone knows that using Duracell Batteries is the best Method of gaining more Power!

My rear wheel bearings have worn out after only 450,000 miles and 25 years of use. What has happened to Mercedes quality?

Answer: This problem has nowt to do with Mercedes, you have tried to Service the Wheel Bearings too Early!

I drive a Mercedes, so I’m obviously important and fabulously wealthy. Why do other drivers not understand that they should get out of my way?

Answer: They don't understand anything, most folk on the road can't drive so why should they notice you?

My daughter lives in Cairns, Australia. She has a 1960’s ‘Dansette’ record player. How do I remotely link this to my car audio system so that she can play me her vinyl records?

Answer: This MOD is currently unavailable until the next Telecon Fibre Cable link has been sunk in the Ogin between here a OS, planned for June 2048!

My main dealer read the fault codes on my car and apparently I need to replace the ‘bell-end’ holding the steering wheel. Where can I find such a thing (cheaply)?[/QUOTE]

Answer: The Term "Bell End" is in no way and allowable Term on this Forum, we are all shocked and disgusted please wash you mouth out using Hand Gel, remembering to sing the National Anthem all the way through!

 

[Deleted member 149005]

Where should I drill holes in my exhaust to make it louder?

 

[MissyD]

Where should I drill holes in my exhaust to make it louder?

Far, far away

 

[Londonscottish]

Why can't I sell my car? I painted the body, chrome, wheel, tyres, windows, lights, engine block, suspension, braked, exhaust and interior black.

It looks well cool and murdered out.

Still no takers. Anyone?

Should I just keep it and paint my hedges, drive and house black too?

 

[ToeKnee]

I want to give my Mercedes paintwork a deep clean, what's best to get the old wax off, a green scourer or a brillo pad

 

[Deleted member 37751]

A little light in the shape of an engine has come on my dash, what will it mean?

I can’t be ****d to read the manual so does anyone know how to connect my phone to the car?

 

[Deleted member 65149]

How often should I wash my car?

Should I use still or sparkling mineral water?

Where is my nearest Indy?

My tax disc hasn’t arrived, can I still drive my SL500?

I’m a better driver, so why does my insurance cost more than my dad’s?

Which silicone grease is best to stop my brakes squealing?

How far is it to London?

Where is the handbrake?

What’s this button for?

C350 controls

• Deleted member 65149
• Apr 16, 2012
• 1

 

[Londonscottish]

I couldn't afford the petrol one but I want the performance!!!

So, I'm going to stick to the old, cheating map that MB put in at the factory (it's better!!). Then I'm going to do an EGR and DPF delete!

Do you think the clouds of soot will look cool?!?!???

 

[Deleted member 6183]

I'm a fat knacker, can I sew 2 jackets together to make 1 really big one.

BTW I only have 2 arms.

 

[fabes]

How do I get a refund on my road tax as I am not allowed to drive it (nothing I do is vital, key, essential or of any use to anyone at all.....)

And to the good doctor above, use staples not sewing.
And then disregard that tinkling sound in the washing machine over the coming weeks, just use more salt and it will stop (noise or machine)

 

[Gollom]

To MBClub members. Please don’t answer all questions too completely too soon, or else there will be nothing for us to discuss (or argue) ever again. Thanks, from the rest of us.

No, please answer straight way. Then we can all discuss the merits of Pirelli vs Itchyfanny tyres before diverting to how rubber is damaging the planet then to how older people are responsible then to barbed comments ending in personal abuse!

 

[Deleted member 149005]

With this C19 bug floating around in the air, am I better driving my soft top with the roof up or down?

 

[grober]

Where would I find the Vin Number on my daughters pet hamster? He's a Campbell Dwarf Russian named Cuddles. Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong section. picture appended

 

[m80]

Sorry for the long post but I feel I must complain about the poor service by Mercedes at the dealership.
I bought what is supposed to be an efficient diesel from them.
the ML420 CDI. I cannot get more than 30mpg from the damn thing, no matter how hard I try.

I returned to the dealer and complained. After a long and pointless conversation with the service manager I asked him to make my car cheaper to run.
He threw my keys in the bin and said that'll save you a fortune.

And he wouldn't remap my Sat Nav.

 

[Gollom]

Where would I find the Vin Number on my daughters pet hamster? He's a Campbell Dwarf Russian named Cuddles. Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong section. picture appended

Is the hamster connected with posts about Pornhub...... (If you know, you know!)

 

[Deleted member 65149]

Is the hamster connected with posts about Pornhub...... (If you know, you know!)

I was somewhat concerned about your thinking there, but breathed a sigh of relief when an X appeared in front of the rodent.

 

[ToeKnee]

I've gone all over my Mercedes but can't find the hamster, I assume that as someone else has one (without vin number) then I should have one too? Is the fact my hamster is missing grounds for rejecting the car? Ps, bought the car off a guy in the pub.