Quantas Pilots Gripe sheet

Discussion in 'OT (OFF Topic) Forums' started by crockers, Jul 31, 2008.

  1. crockers

    crockers MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    7,099
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Location:
    North Wilts
    Car:
    XC60 MY2014 SeLux Nav plus lot and lots of toys...
    Qantas pilots gripe sheet

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" - this tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
    then the pilots review the gripe sheet before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Enjoy!

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.


    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live ones on back-order.


    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.


    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.


    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That's what they're for.


    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


    P: Suspected crack in windshield

    S: Suspect you're right.


    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


    P: Aircraft handles funny.

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.


    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.


    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget.
     
  2. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    3,321
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Location:
    Abu Dhabi. UAE
    Car:
    Its German, has a round badge, reminds me of a Mercedes. Satan fuelled
    Fatality i think that should read.
     
  3. OP
    OP
    crockers

    crockers MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    7,099
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Location:
    North Wilts
    Car:
    XC60 MY2014 SeLux Nav plus lot and lots of toys...
    Ok... I just cut and pasted it from an email I received.....:D
     
  4. Corrado

    Corrado Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    221
    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Location:
    Sussex Coast
    Car:
    Civit 1.8VTEC
    Hope I'm not doing a disservice to them, but that might need to be qualified by "......on a jet aircraft"
     
  5. OP
    OP
    crockers

    crockers MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    7,099
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Location:
    North Wilts
    Car:
    XC60 MY2014 SeLux Nav plus lot and lots of toys...
    You never know ... might have had someone die on board through natural causes.... some people will do anything to travel First Class
     
  6. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    3,321
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Location:
    Abu Dhabi. UAE
    Car:
    Its German, has a round badge, reminds me of a Mercedes. Satan fuelled
    I think it means they have not had an aircraft accident that resulted in a fatality. They have had plenty of accidents!

    And their is a U in Qantas, if you want to pass that back to whoever emailed you it!:D
     
  7. OP
    OP
    crockers

    crockers MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    7,099
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Location:
    North Wilts
    Car:
    XC60 MY2014 SeLux Nav plus lot and lots of toys...
  8. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    3,321
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Location:
    Abu Dhabi. UAE
    Car:
    Its German, has a round badge, reminds me of a Mercedes. Satan fuelled
    I can't read my own posts with my bad spelling.



    their is a U should read "There" and "not" and having read your post, it was your title that threw me. I have re read the post properly this time, and notice that you only made that mistake in the title, so I guess you are 1 up on me at the moment.


    To be totally honest, I still think fatality it spelt wrong as well.
     
  9. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    3,321
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Location:
    Abu Dhabi. UAE
    Car:
    Its German, has a round badge, reminds me of a Mercedes. Satan fuelled
  10. OP
    OP
    crockers

    crockers MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    7,099
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Location:
    North Wilts
    Car:
    XC60 MY2014 SeLux Nav plus lot and lots of toys...
    I'm a dead loss at spelling too
     
  11. BTB 500

    BTB 500 MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    18,440
    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Berkshire
    Car:
    R129 SL500, W639 Vito 120, S203 C230
  12. OP
    OP
    crockers

    crockers MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    7,099
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Location:
    North Wilts
    Car:
    XC60 MY2014 SeLux Nav plus lot and lots of toys...
    No -- tell me how to do that ...:D :D :D :D
     
  13. OP
    OP
    crockers

    crockers MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    7,099
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Location:
    North Wilts
    Car:
    XC60 MY2014 SeLux Nav plus lot and lots of toys...
  14. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    3,321
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Location:
    Abu Dhabi. UAE
    Car:
    Its German, has a round badge, reminds me of a Mercedes. Satan fuelled
    ERRRM.

    Have a moderator do it, then I will have to edit my posts. I am losing the plot rapidly with my spelling. I think I have spent too many days writing manuals on the damn thing.

    And you would not beleive how many times this post was backspaced.
     
  15. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    3,321
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Location:
    Abu Dhabi. UAE
    Car:
    Its German, has a round badge, reminds me of a Mercedes. Satan fuelled
    E before C isn't it?

    thats it, I am off. I was off to look for a piccy on an accident by them, but Have spent more time re reading these damned posts and have not got on with it yet. I maybe back with one.


    1 last thing, flying is safe.

    Crashing....well thats to be avoided.
     
  16. Gollom

    Gollom Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    4,063
    Joined:
    May 10, 2006
    Location:
    Preston, Lancs
    Car:
    S211 E220CDi AvantGarde, NTG 2.5 with Linguatronic
    Oh yes I would :devil:
     
  17. grober

    grober MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    26,505
    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Location:
    Perth, Scotland
    Car:
    W204 C200CDI Estate
  18. flango

    flango MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    10,992
    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Location:
    Gods own county
    Car:
    Mercedes SLK R171
    remember with all the publicity of the Qantas sexual mid air antics

    QANTAS = Queers and Nymphos Travel As Stewards
     
  19. whitenemesis

    whitenemesis MB Club Veteran

    Messages:
    15,828
    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Car:
    Lexus RC300h F-Sport 2019
    To be correct I think you should have written "I still think I have incorrectly spelt fatality". :rolleyes:

    To write, "I still think fatality is spelt wrong" would, erm, read wrong, which by the way it isn't. Incorrectly spelt, I mean! :eek:

    Now, where are my tablets? Nurse!! :crazy: :D
     
  20. scumbag

    scumbag Hardcore MB Enthusiast

    Messages:
    3,321
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Location:
    Abu Dhabi. UAE
    Car:
    Its German, has a round badge, reminds me of a Mercedes. Satan fuelled
    Yes, thanks for that.

    I am half way thru a huge bottle of red wine. I am thinking about making on offer on an apartment and the mortgage will be £260k so I think my head is in meltdown.

    No doubt they will refuse my offer.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.