Quantas Pilots Gripe sheet

crockers

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Qantas pilots gripe sheet

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" - this tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then the pilots review the gripe sheet before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live ones on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.


P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield

S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.
 
OP
OP
crockers

crockers

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You never know ... might have had someone die on board through natural causes.... some people will do anything to travel First Class
 

scumbag

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I think it means they have not had an aircraft accident that resulted in a fatality. They have had plenty of accidents!

And their is a U in Qantas, if you want to pass that back to whoever emailed you it!:D
 
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crockers

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scumbag

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I think it means they have not had an aircraft accident that resulted in a fatality. They have had plenty of accidents!

And their is a U in Qantas, if !:D
I can't read my own posts with my bad spelling.



their is a U should read "There" and "not" and having read your post, it was your title that threw me. I have re read the post properly this time, and notice that you only made that mistake in the title, so I guess you are 1 up on me at the moment.


To be totally honest, I still think fatality it spelt wrong as well.
 

scumbag

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scumbag

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ERRRM.

Have a moderator do it, then I will have to edit my posts. I am losing the plot rapidly with my spelling. I think I have spent too many days writing manuals on the damn thing.

And you would not beleive how many times this post was backspaced.
 

scumbag

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ERRRM.

Have a moderator do it, then I will have to edit my posts. I am losing the plot rapidly with my spelling. I think I have spent too many days writing manuals on the damn thing.

And you would not beleive how many times this post was backspaced.
E before C isn't it?

thats it, I am off. I was off to look for a piccy on an accident by them, but Have spent more time re reading these damned posts and have not got on with it yet. I maybe back with one.


1 last thing, flying is safe.

Crashing....well thats to be avoided.
 

flango

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remember with all the publicity of the Qantas sexual mid air antics

QANTAS = Queers and Nymphos Travel As Stewards
 

whitenemesis

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I can't read my own posts with my bad spelling.

......

To be totally honest, I still think fatality it spelt wrong as well.
To be correct I think you should have written "I still think I have incorrectly spelt fatality". :rolleyes:

To write, "I still think fatality is spelt wrong" would, erm, read wrong, which by the way it isn't. Incorrectly spelt, I mean! :eek:

Now, where are my tablets? Nurse!! :crazy: :D
 

scumbag

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To be correct I think you should have written "I still think I have incorrectly spelt fatality". :rolleyes:

To write, "I still think fatality is spelt wrong" would, erm, read wrong, which by the way it isn't. Incorrectly spelt, I mean! :eek:

Now, where are my tablets? Nurse!! :crazy: :D
Yes, thanks for that.

I am half way thru a huge bottle of red wine. I am thinking about making on offer on an apartment and the mortgage will be £260k so I think my head is in meltdown.

No doubt they will refuse my offer.
 

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