Question: Is it rude in to drop in unannounced?

[Mercy1]

Caught in mildly compromising circumstances today when an old friend (and wife) not seen for 20 years dropped in "on the off chance". Nothing embarassing, just house a bit of a tip and a lot I needed to do.
I winged it with the entertaining but when SWMBO arrived home from supermarket with car full of shopping to find strangers in the house she was not a happy bunny!!
To cut a long story short there was a furious rumpus afterwards as to whether it is rude or not to drop in unannounced and uninvited.
I suppose us blokes can live with it. But better halves like to plan entertaining on an Olympic scale.
So is it rude to drop in unannounced? Do you do it?

 

[markjay]

It is, unless you are certain that your host wouldn't mind (some don't).

In this case he clearly did not know you wouldn't mind (and your wife apparently did mind), so yes it is rude.

My view.

 

[developer]

My wife likes to know - houseproud etc.

A surprise after 20 years is hardly your fault though.......

 

[cliveyboy8]

Yes, one of the rudest things people can do.

I never do it, and expect others never to do it.

Just slam the door in their face and tell them to go forth and multiply.

 

[developer]

Just slam the door in their face and tell them to go forth and multiply.

To old friends .

 

[WOODYTHEWISE]

Get the kettle on, see you in a jiffy.

 

[Bosco]

There are very few people I would like to appear out of the blue after 20 years. Those few would be welcomed with open arms, other prodigal visitors would not be as welcome but would still be shown the hospitality of my home and would never know the difference. Any current/recent friends are welcome day or night and while Chateau Bosco may not be up to its usual five star standard the pleasure of the company far outweighs any minor embarassment at the time. But then I'm Irish and our doors are always open to friends and family. Come around the back, it's never locked.

 

[LTD]

If anyone turns up unannounced and sees fit to be critical of anything then they can :

a) F**k off.
b) Consider themselves not friends.

Our friends visit us because they want to - they are not house inspectors.

 

[developer]

@Bosco.

Agreed, but Mrs Mercy had the problem.

 

[davidjpowell]

This is a good question. Personally I'm always happy for people to drop in. My brother on the other hand (who spent time in London), lives with his curtains closed, and if they do not know you are coming will not answer the door. I think it's ignorant.

 

[Deleted member 6183]

All my profiles on those poxy management training courses advise that it's best not to call on me unannounced.

The 7' high gates at the end of the drive tend to prevent this being an option though.

 

[finisterre]

It isn't rude but it can be inconvenient. Inconveniencing a friend is not such a big deal. Irritating their wife in the process, hmm, tough. If the wife is difficult it is not your problem. Problem wives need to learn to take the rough with the smooth.

I would normally call ahead but I will take it amiss if I am put off because the house is in a state of disarray. I am always welcoming. If our breadboard has a cat sitting on it what exactly did you expect?

 

[Deleted member 37751]

Genuine friends don't need to let us know that they're coming to visit, there's never a bad time for your nearest and dearest.

I think it's more a woman thing though, me and my wife once called round to my pals and his wife's and my pal answered the door wearing only a pair of tanga briefs. His missus was mortified that he'd answered the door like that and screeched at him to go upstairs and put something a bit more 'appropriate' on. He came back down wearing boxer shorts instead of briefs!

 

[markjay]

There's another possible angle to it... were they 'your' friends? As opposed to 'her' friends?

If so, then you may find that 'your' friends are most welcome except today, tomorrow, or any day after. And of course if they come unannounced it's rude

Like they say: 'any day but not today'. Ahmm....

 

[MOCAŠ]

It's bad form, plain and simple, chiefly because it is an imposition. In the case of good friends with whom you are in regular contact, the chances are they will have made an arrangement anyway. However, people you haven't seen for years can't possibly know what plans they might be upsetting by just turning up unannounced. Their idea of "surprising" you might actually place you in a very awkward position - it simply isn't done.

Like davidjpowell's brother, I don't answer the door to uninvited callers (although I wouldn't go so far as to keep the curtains drawn).

 

[Deleted member 6183]

It isn't rude but it can be inconvenient. Inconveniencing a friend is not such a big deal. Irritating their wife in the process, hmm, tough. If the wife is difficult it is not your problem. Problem wives need to learn to take the rough with the smooth.

I would normally call ahead but I will take it amiss if I am put off because the house is in a state of disarray. I am always welcoming. If our breadboard has a cat sitting on it what exactly did you expect?

Well, not a sandwich obviously.

 

[WDB124066]

Hnag on, let me get this right. After twenty years some long lost friends pop in to catch up and the wife has a problem with this. Is she not being ever so slightly unreasonable; if she's freaking out inside all she has to do is suggest "we all go down to this great little bistro I know for a good old feast & catch-up!"

Must be on the rags mate.

 

[developer]

Must be on the rags mate.

Ha, I've not heard that since school - though I don't think it's typical of vocab Mercy1 will appreciate .

 

[davidjpowell]

There's another possible angle to it... were they 'your' friends? As opposed to 'her' friends?

If so, then you may find that 'your' friends are most welcome except today, tomorrow, or any day after. And of course if they come unannounced it's rude

Like they say: 'any day but not today'. Ahmm....

Something in this.

My grandparents retired to a Cornish village. Visitors were always welcome, and when we stayed with them as kids, they often had visitors from other countries.

Sadly my Gran died, and my Grandfather remarried. I was down there when one of their 'earlier' friends called in. He was I thought very rudely turned away by my Grandfathers wife - I was embarrassed, and it would never have happened in my Grans days.

It was double annoying as it was coming up to Sunday lunch, which involved 2 90 year old 'twins'. Nice guys, but scintillating not. The guy turned away was in his 70's, drove a motorbike, ex-forces and traveled the world photographing. I fancied that the conservation would have been interesting.

ETA - Mocas feel free to call me David or DJP!

 

[MOCAŠ]

I recall attending a friend's daughter's christening some years ago, where I met his parents for the first time in several years. "Lovely to see you again," they said, as the conversation flowed. As we parted, they said "You know you're welcome any time," before committing a dreadful faux pas by adding, almost as an afterthought: "but do let us know you're coming first." How dreadfully rude of them - to assume that I wouldn't. Haven't darkened their doorstep since...