Quotations about Cars

[Flyer]

Hi guys, I could so with some help.

I'm working on a website that will have to show one random quotation a day ... the website is concerned with performance cars, so I need a selection of quotes that a script can pull from. Cars we're talking about are Ferrari, TVR, Porsche, Lotus, Maserati, obviously Mercedes , etc. It doesn't matter too much if the name of the car isn't mentioned, but has to sound "sporty", "performance", "quality", with a bit of humour.

I've got a few already, but they're all from Jeremy Clarkson . Not a problem in itself as he is a bit of a humorous cad, but it would be nice to have some variation. Searching for quotations on Google has given me a headache.

Here's some of JCs to give you a flavour of what I'm after (I've picked up most of these off PH):

"TVR Cerbera; so fast, it can create it's own weather." (Like that one )

"Some cars are girly, but not this one; it's a man, and not a washboard-stomached male model either. This is a big, hulking bouncer with a neck like a birthday cake and a fondness for biting the heads off dogs." (Bit long that one really)

"This time the boys from Blackpool have done the unthinkable - they've fitted wheels to a thunderstorm"

"The girl next to the BMW driver is probably wearing an alice band, whereas the girl next to the TVR driver probably isnt wearing any knickers."

"The Z3M is quick, the Boxster quicker still but both get blitzed by the TVR Chimaera in its relentless pursuit to headbutt the horizon."

"The Ferrari 355 sounds like God shouting"

Cheers for any help

Andrew

 

[kikkthecat]

I remember seeing a Sierra Cosworth advertised as "so fast it does half an hour in 25 minutes"

If that's the sort of thing you're looking for I'm sure there's a lot more to come, I suspect this thread will generate a lot of responses.



Good luck Sunday BTW, looking forward to the pics

 

[mark.t]

The ***********is a subtle as a oil tanker hitting the Eden project

its that fast you can be their half an hour before you set off

with this car you don;t so much run out of road ,you run out of nerve

this car just doesn't just turn heads it breaks necks

it's 0 - 62 is like pure sex about 3.8 seconds and we did the run twice.

hope these are ok

 

[Flyer]

Cheers for them ; keep 'em coming ... funny how you can imagine Clarkson saying all of them, isn't it?

Ray, cheers for that; will hopefully take lots of pics

 

[mark.t]

some cars speak to you when you get in,,this one does to ..it gives you your last rights

god its addictive ive been talking to the wife like clarkson

 

[SportsCoupeRich]

nothing more annoying than commentating on your life - to annoy an EX (you'll understand why) treacle of mine i used to spend the entire evening as the geordie guy from big brother. With meaningless banter such as Day 1 - Rich sits on the sofa. Day 1 - Rich drinks his water. Day 1 - Rich needs to go to toilet....One night i had her in tears of frustration, buttered her up a bit to put the smile on her face and after wine headed to do you know what...at which point a little devil appeared on my shoulder. I looked to the other shoulder for the std practice angel, only to find a second devil!!! At this point i started commentating on my bedroom antics ---- she ran out of the room slamming everything in the house (DRESSED OBVIOUSLY!!!)

 

[SportsCoupeRich]

nothing more annoying than commentating on your life - to annoy an EX (you'll understand why) treacle of mine i used to spend the entire evening as the geordie guy from big brother. With meaningless banter such as Day 1 - Rich sits on the sofa. Day 1 - Rich drinks his water. Day 1 - Rich needs to go to toilet....One night i had her in tears of frustration, buttered her up a bit to put the smile on her face and after wine headed to do you know what...at which point a little devil appeared on my shoulder. I looked to the other shoulder for the std practice angel, only to find a second devil!!! At this point i started commentating on my bedroom antics ---- she ran out of the room slamming everything in the house (DRESSED OBVIOUSLY!!!) into her rubbish nissan micra and went home!!!!

Was hilarious and i couldnt wait to tell all my mates. Who said men are d*cks!!!!!

 

[JimmyCauty]

Can't remember the car in question but the quote was,

"This car turns heads like the excorcist"

 

[mark.t]

nothing more annoying than commentating on your life - to annoy an EX (you'll understand why) treacle of mine i used to spend the entire evening as the geordie guy from big brother. With meaningless banter such as Day 1 - Rich sits on the sofa. Day 1 - Rich drinks his water. Day 1 - Rich needs to go to toilet....One night i had her in tears of frustration, buttered her up a bit to put the smile on her face and after wine headed to do you know what...at which point a little devil appeared on my shoulder. I looked to the other shoulder for the std practice angel, only to find a second devil!!! At this point i started commentating on my bedroom antics ---- she ran out of the room slamming everything in the house (DRESSED OBVIOUSLY!!!) into her rubbish nissan micra and went home!!!!

Was hilarious and i couldnt wait to tell all my mates. Who said men are d*cks!!!!!

nurse SportcoupRich is out of bed again

 

[Howard]

nurse SportcoupRich is out of bed again

see quote #30 in 'Crapital One' thread ..........

Lol!!

 

[Sp!ke]

One I saw recently which made me laugh...

"On a quiet night you can hear an E class rusting."

 

[guydewdney]

my mate says about my CL - "goes quite well for a stately home on wheels"

 

[Ian B Walker]

A German joke, yes really, some of them do have a sense of humour. When working there a co worker had purchased a Volvo. Upon showing it (as you do) another worker said "Volvo? fastest tractor on the motorway"

 

[Tan]

I think that this was said by journalist in GQ

About the Maserati Coupe: Like a Saville Row Suit, those who know...know

 

[High-Lo]

A personal favourite of mine. Shame its just a Punto . . .

 

[Satch]

Not really performance stuff, but I like these:


"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards." Fred Hoyle

"Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperatelly? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down." Russell Baker


"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost £100, get a million miles per gallon and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." Robert X. Cringely

 

[Flyer]

Thanks for all those guys, duly added to the database

If anyone has anymore I could use, post them up. I currently have 12 (usable) ones, which is probably enough, but more would be great

 

[Mozzer]

I took a friend of mine for a blast in my old Skyline when I first had it and when we got back to the pub he told everyone "that bloody car is so fast it doesn't have a speedo it has a calendar !"

Kept me grinning for weeks