SCHOOL - 1950s v 2016

gr1nch

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I went to school from mid 60s all through the 70s and it was a delightful time. Football at every break, even before assembly!, hot school dinners, everyone wore basically the same thing, everyone got teased/bullied a bit and learnt to fight back or deal with it.
Kids weren't precious. We got on with it. And our parents, if we had them, basically encouraged us to. Pocket money was spent on sweets, crisps, swimming pool or cinema. Not turning up to a commitment wasn't an option unless there was a landline at the other end. If your mate said he'd be in the park after school, he was. Yes, the best of days and no rose-coloured spectacles - I genuinely enjoyed it.

My mum was a teacher all her life and had great relationships with most of her pupils. Some used to drop in at our house to say hello, which was especially nice for me, when she was at an all girl's school! That year she went on a ski trip with them and my brother and I, fifteen maybe, were allowed to go too and we all stayed in the same building in Bormio as the girls, but in our own room. Innocent and friendly, even with hormones raging. Would that happen these days?

It strikes me that PC, HS has not really solved what it set out to and has made the situation much worse. And I heard British Bulldogs is banned nowadays. Until then, it was virtually a national sport at primary school.



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Bobby Dazzler

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BOBBYDAZZLER.
Have you thought of adoption rather than fostering ?
True there are some searching questions asked of all members of the family of prospective parents ( we had no issues with that ) , and I can only say that a member of our family adopted two young siblings that are as precious as our own flesh and blood.
Adoption can be a slow and daunting process ( support is not anywhere near as good as it should be in many cases ) , and you can expect many issues and traumas along the way. Unlike fostering there is little or no financial support and I actually feel the allowances paid for fostering can attract people for the wrong reasons. That said , it is lovely to see the little ones , once adopted integrate into the family knowing they are a permanent part of your future.

When the time comes to revisit, we will certainly think carefully about both fostering and adopting.

It may seem strange but the whole thing hit us quite hard. The cuddling thing first, and during the same meeting talking about allowances and money. Perhaps my wife and I were naive but we really expecting either, and it really saddened us that it seemed to be so cold and dare I say treated as a job.

So for now our plan is to enjoy our time with our own children, and when the time is right, we can hopefully help other less fortunate children to enjoy life too. We'll work out how when the time comes.
 

Bobby Dazzler

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BD, all I can say is if you do try for Fostering in the future , be ready for a couple of years of serious intrusion in your lives.


ANY kind of skeletons' in the closet will be found out, and they check all family members ,relationships, previous relationships marriages etc.


You cannot say anything wrong in the interviews or sessions, it got to the point where my best friend had had enough ,but stuck out the interrogation which to me it felt like they were going through ,because of his Wife.


The ironic thing about it though, is in the group sessions there was a couple from South Africa , and the guy was blatantly racist, thought mixed race were 'mongrels' as he put it to my mate- I dread to think if he got a black kid-but you obviously cannot cherry pick the child.


But he hid it totally and nobody had a clue - so if you are clever/devious enough I guess they still can be fooled into thinking you're the perfect model foster Parents,



There also used to be a couple that had multiple children by us ,purely for the financial aspect ,for years and indeed emigrated a couple of years ago from the profits.



But that one thing from years ago was enough to have my friends chances rejected, which was a tragedy as they are great with kids.

It does seem that some people do treat it like a business, which we've only more recently come to realise. As said in my previous post perhaps it was naivety on our part, but we really thought that people got involved to make a difference rather than receive reward, so it was an eye opener for us.

I'm just glad that there are people out there who do it for the right reasons though, and do a great job, without the recognition they deserve, and probably don't want, but do it because they care for the well being of children.
 

Tuercas viejas

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I have adopted one female child when she saw about three years of age.
An abandoned Pakistani girl.
She is now 28 years old very slender graceful & beautiful and has made me a grandfather.

I have five other kids two are about her age. My eldest son accepts her like a sister "just about", and my eldest daughter has a level of aired detachment about her. Almost like a Heathcliffe in Wuthering Heights novel.

My younger kids just accept she is part of the family like a sister.
I suppose given the right situation I would adopt again, but I am getting a bit old now.
I had the chance to adopt "sort of" four more who were workshop urchins when I ran a repair shop in Caracas. They were the kids of a Colombian couple who were the shop watcheeman and his missus who cooked lunch time grub for the mechanics.
On day they simply disappeared and the responsibility fell on my shoulders to care for them. Being illegal Colombians there was not an easy route to get them legalized and in any case a Gov official I knew called Codallo wanted to groom the two girls for the sex trade as they got older.
I went to Bogota several times to try to locate some reported distant family members without much success for their future .
So i paid (bribed) the church 5000 Boliveres to take them as orphans and took them up to Merida which solved that problem--if such a thing existed as problem!
Of course they are grown to adulthood today and I often wonder how they turned out and if they still remember El Ingles--Senor Dennis, El Patron !
Tuercas Viejas
 

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Discipline is useless if there is no punishment. In our jobs, if we misbehave we can be punished including the use of dismissal. In the street, if we misbehave we can be fined or even imprisoned.

So, what punishment does a teacher have for dealing with trouble kids? None. After all, detention is seen as a status symbol by kids who brag about it.

Our society has gone completely screwy. I know of Police officers who have given up being cops because they spend more time doing paperwork than actually catching crooks. How does that help society?

Red tape and rules and regulations have hindered society. It may make it safer, but at what cost. I cannot even hire a mini digger without proving I can use one, even though I can use one. Without a piece of paper I cannot do something that I can do.

Some things have got better, though. Thanks to DNA testing, the Police can no longer point the finger at someone and get them sent down for a crime they didn't commit. In the old days, a suspect was more likely to face jail time regardless whether they were guilty or not.

With all the CCTV surveillance it is becoming harder to commit crimes without something capturing it as evidence.
 

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In Mrs M's case (and I an not making this up) between two and three times a week, the entire school will be put on "lock down" as one particular boy (aged 9) runs riot through the school attacking other children (and I mean proper attacking) swearing at staff and threatening them. They only way that the school can contain this (they are not allowed to physically restrain him) is to lock the school down, until he eventually calms down.

The levels of racism and religious hatred between factions are almost off the scale. The staff are in the middle and not allowed to intervene. The parents are by enlarge unemployed and also speak very limited English - although that seems varied dependent on whom they are talking too?

The influx of these families into Kent is shocking. They do not want to integrate. They arrive and carry on the same feuds that made them want to leave and come here. They then educate their kids that he is to be beaten as he is from XXXX, she is to be called names as she is from religion XXXX.

Mrs M will leave soon. Shame as the kids do like her.
 

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You need to see where the building trade is going. I have just 3 plumbers on site yet the paperwork for them and their graft is a full time job in itself. I must attend 3 DABS meetings a day, every single job needs a RAMS, every delivery has to be booked in 48 hrs in advance by computer, we MUST fill out observation cards every week and so on.

If 80% of said paperwork was ditched and common sense was used the amount of time and money saved would be astronomical.
 

Darrell

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brucemillar said:
In Mrs M's case (and I an not making this up) between two and three times a week, the entire school will be put on "lock down" as one particular boy (aged 9) runs riot through the school attacking other children (and I mean proper attacking) swearing at staff and threatening them. They only way that the school can contain this (they are not allowed to physically restrain him) is to lock the school down, until he eventually calms down. The levels of racism and religious hatred between factions are almost off the scale. The staff are in the middle and not allowed to intervene. The parents are by enlarge unemployed and also speak very limited English - although that seems varied dependent on whom they are talking too? The influx of these families into Kent is shocking. They do not want to integrate. They arrive and carry on the same feuds that made them want to leave and come here. They then educate their kids that he is to be beaten as he is from XXXX, she is to be called names as she is from religion XXXX. Mrs M will leave soon. Shame as the kids do like her.
This is integration for you.
 

geraldrobins

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I went to school from mid 60s all through the 70s and it was a delightful time. Football at every break, even before assembly!, hot school dinners, everyone wore basically the same thing, everyone got teased/bullied a bit and learnt to fight back or deal with it.
Kids weren't precious. We got on with it. And our parents, if we had them, basically encouraged us to. Pocket money was spent on sweets, crisps, swimming pool or cinema. Not turning up to a commitment wasn't an option unless there was a landline at the other end. If your mate said he'd be in the park after school, he was. Yes, the best of days and no rose-coloured spectacles - I genuinely enjoyed it.

My mum was a teacher all her life and had great relationships with most of her pupils. Some used to drop in at our house to say hello, which was especially nice for me, when she was at an all girl's school! That year she went on a ski trip with them and my brother and I, fifteen maybe, were allowed to go too and we all stayed in the same building in Bormio as the girls, but in our own room. Innocent and friendly, even with hormones raging. Would that happen these days?

It strikes me that PC, HS has not really solved what it set out to and has made the situation much worse. And I heard British Bulldogs is banned nowadays. Until then, it was virtually a national sport at primary school.


British Bulldog was banned in the scout Movement when I was a leader in the mid 80s, however we 'developed' a similar game which we called Australian Bulldog.
 

geraldrobins

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You need to see where the building trade is going. I have just 3 plumbers on site yet the paperwork for them and their graft is a full time job in itself. I must attend 3 DABS meetings a day, every single job needs a RAMS, every delivery has to be booked in 48 hrs in advance by computer, we MUST fill out observation cards every week and so on.

If 80% of said paperwork was ditched and common sense was used the amount of time and money saved would be astronomical.

DABS? I can see the need for booked deliveries on city centre, or security sensitive sites though.
All this cost of course gets passed on to the end user eventually as well.
 

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About 25 years ago we fostered children in the age of 3 to 11 year olds, boys and girls. With the first foster child it quickly becomes clear that no amount of training sessions, meetings , and discussions, with social workers, prepares you for the reality of looking after some of these children. One little girl of seven had such anger, that in screaming temper tantrums, I felt sure her feet left the ground, a little boy of about five, on arrival immediately informed us that he needed a dump, and rushed off about the house, we found him in the bathroom, and it soon became clear what he needed. This same lad couldn't play nicely with our neighbours children and would instead want to fight them, eventually they ignored him, one afternoon hearing a commotion, I looked out the front window to see him tearing round the square on his bike, shouting c***s, c***s, c***s, at the other children, a neighbour who was a bit snobby, and a Jehovah witness was most shocked, and asked, "where does that young boy come from?" When told he was one of ours, sniffed, shook her head in despair,and went back in. When you know how some of the children had been treated from babies, you do begin to understand some of their behavior, I well remember another 5yearold, a lovely quiet little boy, who, as soon as my wife went into the kitchen for whatever reason, would take his place at the dinner table, fork and spoon at the ready, he would sit patiently waiting for his dinner, his mother we were told often shut him in his room for hours, with precious little to do or eat, while she "entertained" her men friends, or went out for the day. Of all the children we had over a few years only one do we still hear of, that's the seven year old girl , that could levitate while screaming, she stayed with us for two years, (we were what was then called ,short term foster carers)and was adopted from us by a couple living in Surrey, on finishing school, went on to college, gained some qualifications and became a nurse, has since married, and about a month ago we had a card from her adoptive parents to say she was expecting a baby this summer. So I dare say it was all worth it.
 

Tuercas viejas

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Peter
I commend your patience and understanding in all this.
My brother and his wife also went though similar instances/experiences and they decided for lots of reasons like yours to stop fostering.
Keep the faith and God bless you & your family.
Regards
Dennis
Tuercas Viejas .
 

Darrell

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geraldrobins said:
DABS? I can see the need for booked deliveries on city centre, or security sensitive sites though. All this cost of course gets passed on to the end user eventually as well.
DABS = Daily Activity Briefing. All a load of bullocks.
 

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I must agree with Peter that there are certainly some traumas along the way with adopted children . As I pointed out to the family member that adopted two young children " you are highly unlikely to get children from a middle class background who`s parents were killed in a car crash last month ".
As it happened the two they adopted had been through several different foster families , and had a difficult start in life , having been removed from their parents.
Unfortunately it is very difficult to obtain the full facts (where known) from the social workers , who are under pressure to get the children adopted.
In time numerous "issues" arise , help is promised , i.e. counselling for the children , but does NOT materialise . You almost get the impression that having the adoption formalised is the end of the process as far as the authorities are concerned. However , any negatives are soon forgotten when the kids become part of the family , and you just all pull together and get on with it.
 

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Re: the fostering issues.


The reason the children cannot be hugged etc, is partially in case its seen as predatory , which I guess is a big concern for the social workers and the repercussions if they get the vetting wrong.
But it is mainly because they don't want you forming an attachment of an emotional kind with the child.


Again , I found this really odd, as I would have thought that is what they lack ,but the reasoning behind it is that if the Birth Mother /Parent wants the child back , It is unlikely to want to leave the foster care home if they have formed a strong emotional bond.
The kids are 'rotated' at pre-determined intervals to prevent this 'bond' from potentially occurring.


I know this as these are my best friends we are talking about, so we used to have a lot of conversation about the process, the Parent can apparently , at any time decide they want to see/visit the child, and indeed it is encouraged, as the Birth parent could say have Drug problems ,suffer depression etc, Child gets put in care ,Parent then De-toxes, or gets mentally stable , child can then go back to blood parent.


I also know a Lad that is my Neighbours' son ,he is a delinquent child I guess, and has been chucked out of all normal schools, and even the special schools struggle with him so now has a full time Carer/Social worker that picks him up 7 days a week, I get to know them as he always talks to me when I am fixing my car etc , and they rotate the carer so he doesn't get too attached to them-works on the same principal.


I can understand that but I think there must be circumstances where there is no way the parent is going to get it together or could be dead, but then I assume these kids would be pushed towards Adoption not Fostering(one would hope).


The sad thing about my mate and his wife, is that she works with children with learning difficulty's/Special needs etc, and is amazing with them , She wanted to Foster them type of Children which are largely forgotten or not wanted as people with no experience with them struggle to cope.


I think the thing you have to get your head round when fostering (which I couldn't) is that their like Lodgers really or like having an exchange student, here today gone tomorrow as such , which is why a lot of people do it for commercial reasons.


The people that want to Nurture and give Love , basically cannot, so it's really difficult to be okay with that ,it's a purely temporary thing, and they can be removed at any time-if you cannot get your head round that then Adoption would probably be a better avenue to look into .


I know this has gone severely off from O/P, but it's a meaningful one ,about a topic that can help and change unwanted children's lives, and I must admit ,it has surprised me how many people feel deeply about this , the human race isn't all bad is it ?
 

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I'm sure it doesn't help the emotional development of a child that is in long term foster care with an endless cycle of 'parents' what they probably need most in their lives is security and love. And we wonder why such kids frequently end up being problems as they get older, Political correctness means common sense has disappeared, and we wonder why society is the way it is.
 
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gr1nch

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Kids can really appreciate foster parents, even short term ones.

My mate Dave had split up with his son's mother and a year later there was an incident at her home and the son was taken into care. He was placed into a short term foster home. Dave found out about this when turning up to an arranged visit to the mother's home. He found out from social services where his son was and visited him. Whilst the home was modest and the foster father had health issues and seemed to sit around and watch TV all day, the foster mother Dot had a heart of gold and tried her best to tend and be affectionate to to the five or six kids in her care, some of whom were fairly wild. She told Dave that once she had a couple of kids, Walthamstow social services would keep on wanting them to take on more kids. Dave's boy desperately wanted to be taken home by his dad, but nevertheless had a respect and love for Dot that outlasted the time he spent there. Eventually Dave was able to get his boy out and raised him until he was old enough to make his own mind up whether he wanted to live with his mum or dad.

Dave was thankful to Dot and her old man for providing a place of refuge for his son, despite it being somewhat a living as much as a labour of love.

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Fostering /Social Services , etc, do I suppose the best they can in what's a pretty difficult situation.


The child that died a few years ago in Coventry hadn't been seen for ages ,even know S/S knew and were told by the school - they believed the Mother when she said that the child was in bed ill, yet was in-fact dead.


Last year the Woman opposite me has a boy of around 12, she is an Alcoholic and has drug problems, and the social service ,even with the police took about a week to eventually gain access to check on him - which in light of the paragraph above -seems like they haven't learnt from their mistakes, I used to watch them just knock the door for a few minutes and leave.


It's never going to be perfect, I do think in the light of recent deaths etc of kids due to S/S screw ups means the vetting procedure has been tightened up regarding Fostering .


But if it gets so stringent , there will be fewer and fewer Parents available , and arguably they could be getting worse abuse in the places they are held in 'Limbo' awaiting a surrogate family.


This article is quite interesting:


Coventry City Council pays £10million for foster placements - Coventry Telegraph


It also mirrors what my friends found out regarding the children that are delinquent/Special needs are pushed towards the Private firms which pay the Fosters higher money incentives to look after the kids.
(and maybe take the rap if anything goes wrong as they are a 3rd party and not the direct council).


TBH the family that Fosters kids in my previous post ,they had about 3 a time, for years ,got a extension built for free (we worked on it) then saved enough money to go back to Jamaica and live in a big house and retire on the profits they had saved, did treat the children sound.
Over the years you get to know them, and the Lady in question was Christian , and was strict , but they all done well at school and were brought up with good manners and polite etc, so I don't think bad of them ,they were just providing a much needed service.


The irony for me with it all ,is the fact that the Parents that have these kids often couldn't look after a Pet ,let alone a child, and yet there is not any vetting procedure to stop them having child after child and putting them all in care - but that's the welfare states mandate, which like any good cause/ idea just gets exploited to the max much like Legal aid etc.
 

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