Soviet-era joke

Discussion in 'OT (OFF Topic) Forums' started by markjay, Aug 7, 2011.

  1. markjay

    markjay MB Master

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    Every year, the Commissar would gather the farmers in the Kolhoz and give the farmers a long speech describing how life was good under the Soviet Union.

    At the end, he would ask if there were any questions, and usually there were none.

    But one day, Ivan raised his hand and asked:

    'If everything is so good, why is everything so bad?'

    The following year the Commissar came again to the same Kolhoz and gave the same long speech. And he was again annoyed to see a hand rising at the back when asking if there were any questions.

    A farmer raised his voice and asked:

    'If everything is so good, where's Ivan?'
     
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  2. Alex

    Alex MB Enthusiast

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    This "joke" is as much Soviet as those I've heard in my childhood about England - totally unrelated to the real world.

    Also, seeing that comrade MOCAŠ "approved" it, shouldn't Kolhoz be in fact Kolkhoz? ;)
     
  3. renault12ts

    renault12ts MB Club Veteran

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    So...where is he?
     
  4. MOCAŠ

    MOCAŠ MB Enthusiast

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    More an expression of appreciation than approval. ;)
     
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  5. MOCAŠ

    MOCAŠ MB Enthusiast

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    With Wally?
     
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  6. removed

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    Well, no - it really shouldn't - this is one of those strange transliterations, as prescribed by the Politburo no doubt, that doesn't make much sense: Russians insist on representing sound that is almost identical to 'h' in holiday or hotel as 'kh' where, for most of the time, 'h' is silent. So what we are getting is 'kolkoz' instead of 'kolhoz' or Kodorkovsky instead of Hodorkovsky, which would sounds a lot closer to the original Russian name.

    One other example of those ridiculous transliteration rules is when Russians covert English "H" into Russian "G" :wallbash: So Hyde Park becomes Gayd Park and my friends Harry and Gary suddenly get the same name GARI , when we go to Moscow LOL Always reminds me of Fools and Horses and that chap they brought in in the back of the lorry :bannana:
     
  7. removed

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    On a subject of Soviet era jokes:

    An American and a Soviet talking about freedom and democracy - John said: I can go right up to White House and put a poster up saying "Reagan is useless, it's time for him to go!" and no one will prosecute me for expressing my opinion. "So what?" - said Boris, I too can go to the Red Square and put up a poster saying "Reagan is useless, it's time for him to go!" and I'm pretty sure they won't prosecute me either!
     
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  8. prprandall51

    prprandall51 MB Enthusiast

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    That'll be another one of those covert Russian operations, then. Probably the KGB....
     
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  9. Alex

    Alex MB Enthusiast

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    Another Soviet era joke

    A man wants to buy a new car. Sales guy at the factory says that lead-time for collection is 20 years.

    "Is collection in the morning or afternoon?"

    "What difference is it going to make in 20 years???"

    "I have a plumber in the morning!"
     
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  10. removed

    removed Guest

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    That'll teach me not to write anything at 1am :doh: ... Nah, probably not :thumb:
     
  11. OP
    OP
    markjay

    markjay MB Master

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    ...has anyone spotted the link to (very local) current affairs? :devil:
     
  12. Scott_F

    Scott_F MB Enthusiast

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    An American and a Russian had a race.

    The next morning the Washington Post reported that the American had won whilst Pravda reported that the Russian had come second whilst the American had come next to last.
     
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  13. Godot

    Godot Active Member

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    Cold War era Polish Czech Joke

    Polish Dog & a Czechoslovakia Dog meet at the border between the the two countries,

    The Czech Dog asks the Polish Dog "Why are you going to Czechoslovakia Comrade ?

    The Polish Dog replies " I am hungry Comrade I need to eat, but why are you going into Poland ?

    "Ah Comrade" says the Czech Dog, " I want to bark !"


    :dk:
     
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  14. removed

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    I heard a very similar one about Russian and Polish dogs: they met at the border, sniffed each other and Polish dog asked Russian: "Any food there?" No - replied Russian dog, "What about your country - any food there?" - "No", said Polish dog, "nothing at all" ... so then Polish dog turned away and started on his way back home, when he noticed that Russian was following him. "Look, I told you there's nothing to eat here" - said Polish dog, slightly annoyed. "Yeah, I got it" - said Russian, "At least I can bark!"
     
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  15. DITTRICH

    DITTRICH MB Enthusiast

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    My favourite:-
    A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends over an ashtray and says with utter nonchalance: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the conspirator finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge where his neighbors had gone. "Oh, the KGB has arrested them!" she answers. "B-but... but what about me?" asks the guy in terror. "Oh, well, they decided to let you go. Comrade Major liked your little tea joke."
     
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  16. jepho

    jepho Active Member

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    One muscovite housewife to another: I hear that there will be snow tomorrow morning. ~ Well, I’m not going to be queuing for that.

    :D
     
  17. Alex

    Alex MB Enthusiast

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    Are you sure it is a Soviet joke? Three Russians can never get drunk with a single bottle of vodka.
     
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  18. DITTRICH

    DITTRICH MB Enthusiast

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    Yes :p
    Your point about the vodka is true though.
     
  19. crockers

    crockers MB Enthusiast

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    Husband and wife walking across Kremlin square arguing about the weather. He's convinced it's snowing, she's convinced it's raining. They see Commisar Rudolph coming towards them. The wife says let's ask the Commisar. So they stop him and ask comrade commissar is this rain or snow? The commissar looks up and says rain.

    As the walk off the wife turns to her husband and says. Told you so. Rudolph the red knows rain dear.

    I'll get my coat.
     
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  20. John

    John Hardcore MB Enthusiast

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    I wish.
    That is really bad.
     
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