Teenagers and alcohol.

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glad I was right and we're not alone.....

We moved the sleep-over to our place...it just seemed safer.

I think we just need to slow things down....drink, boys, etc it all seems to hit them at the same time - and as GCSE's - which is the least important thing to teenagers right now.
 
Not mine but as step-kids we are responsible for 18yr old boy, 17yr old girl, 15yr old boy & 13yr old girl.

18yr old - no problem, was ill as a kid & told not to binge drink by Dr's so doesn't!

17 yr old - lives with BF (or her mum when they fall out) spend all her money on petrol (just passed test) and booze (BF is older 19 IIRC)

15 yr old - will drink 1 'tall' drink at home with us (Baileys & milk usually - Milkshake!) but has felt ill when drinking at a party we let them have at home so stopped as he didn't like losing control!

13 yr old - doesn't like alcohol!

We have never made drinking an issue, it never was with me as a kid. I'm only 28 yrs old so kinda like big sister age not parent which I think can help but they usually are good as gold.

I'd say let her get drunk under arms length supervision, party at home but know you are due home that evening kind of thing. Once she's done it once it will make her think twice!

Try something like a weak Archers & lemonade, 1 shot to 3/4 pint as a 'it's not a bad thing to drink a little' and see how you get on!

Good Luck!

Kate
 
Try something like a weak Archers & lemonade, 1 shot to 3/4 pint as a 'it's not a bad thing to drink a little' and see how you get on!

Good Luck!

Kate

It's a bit early for me but if you insist.
I've not got any Archers in so will Scotch do.
 
It is baffling me that we are talking about young 14 year old children that have enough money to go out and buy very expensive alcoholic drinks!

It is also baffling me that we are discussing sleep overs involving both 14 year old boys and girls.

Yes I am an old fuddy duddy, yes I have old fashioned standards, yes I idolise ALL young children but we as parents have responsibilities. It is us that develop the character and future of our off spring. Yes children will misbehave, yes they might go off the rails and YES we must always support them, but I'm sorry. Sleep overs for boys and girls that are just 14yrs of age is not something I would favour,encourage or allow. I have always listened to my children, always given them the proverbial inch, but I have never allowed that inch to become the proverbial mile. There are standards that we all have to accept and hopefully we raise our offspring to accept the standards we like to invoke?

I apologise if this sounds personal or it appears I am even attempting to impose my standards on anyone else. I am NOT. It is none of my business what 'X' 'Y' or 'Z' want to do. A question has been asked and hopefully we will all respect answers, whether they be favourable, or not. I am sorry I am in the minority, but I am merely airing my own very personal opinion.

respect to the author for asking and hopefully my post will be accepted in the way it was wrote.


Yours very sincerely
John

Edit
As an after thought, do we allow our children to swear?
 
Times change John.....I wish it was like it used to be.....and I'm only 37.....!!! But we all know you are the old and wise one....:D

Sleep-overs - is more cuddle up together and watch a DVD on the sofa- as friends ( I hope).....

The drink thing has only just started, and is mainly driven by peer pressure - we have just moved her from a private girls school, to a very good mixed state school (their GCSE and A level results being better than the private - and cheaper). And coming from an all girls environment...boys are a new thing..

You can get reasonable wine for £5.00 a bottle (this is worth a discussion in itself - best wine under a fiver....) - and there are shops that will sell it - or to the slightly older ones if not 14/15 year olds. Who was THAT fussy when they started drinking ?

Sex drugs and rock and roll to come......it's going to be a fun few years !!

Mild swearing, within the correct context we allow (unless the 4 year old is around). Pointless swearing ("Where are my ducking shoes") is not tolerated, but am interested in other views on this.

We listen to them, and advise them as to what we feel is best, but you have to have a fixed line drawn somewhere.
 
Times change John.....I wish it was like it used to be.....and I'm only 37.....!!! But we all know you are the old and wise one....:D .
Thanks for taking my post in the way it was meant.

each year we always have our nieces and nephews come down and stay for a fortnight or so. These folks are all married with children of varying ages from 5yrs of age to 18.

They all know me for what I am and we all have great fun :D . These children all reflect their parents and strangely enough those parents all have the values I am discussing and their children are a mirror image of our own although a generation different.

Those that come to our GTG will have seen these relatives and the year before last they would have met some of the children that helped with the catering and also the washing up afterwards. :devil: (I think scumbag helped negotiate this help by giving them a ride in his rocket machine)

Should we move with the times or should we try to keep those traditional family values?

Regards
John
 
Sleep-overs - is more cuddle up together and watch a DVD on the sofa- as friends ( I hope).....


I'm sure you're right. That was all that was on my mind when I was that age. :rolleyes:
 
We have 19 y/o son and 15 y/o daugther neither have particularly pushed boundaries before we were prepared to to say yes (subject to appropriate home times, communication etc). Daughter has/goes to lots of sleepovers and limited alcohol is allowed (e.g. 1 bottle of WKD each) - although thinking about it the desire for alcohol seems to have faded.

We often have a glass of wine at mealtimes or a beer in the evening - kids have always been allow their own wine (half size glasses up to about 16/17).

Generally I think we have been quite luckly they haven't pushed the boundaries as much as they could have done - our daughter's bedroom door frame bears the scars of a certian amount of door slaming (I did resort to taking the door off at one point as a disciplinary measure). Some this comes down to (positive) peer pressure, the majority of their friends come from traditional backgrounds with similar expectations, therefore there is little "so and so is allowed to do that" to contend with. Indeed most of them are very disparaging about the local Chavs who exhibit the behaviour parents with more traditional values fear.
 
Incidentally my daughter is returning home today after a fortnight's holiday in America!
And I could have done such a lovely job of tour-guide. :devil:
 
And I could have done such a lovely job of tour-guide. :devil:
she was visiting friends in Jackson, Mississippi and had a fantastic time.

Regards
John
 
Difficult one this.

My parents were very liberal with me. I was one of those teenagers who went to pubs and clubs when I was in my very early teens.

To begin with, it was with my big sister and/or her boyfriend, and my parents would drop me off and pick me up. It was always in their full knowledge. I proved I was responsible and could be trusted, and was then be allowed to go out with my very closest friend.

I never went through a phase of drinking in the park, or getting drunk at parties when friends parents were away. I had no need to because I'd been going to pubs and nightclubs for ages - cold wet park or nightclub?? Easy decision.

To begin with I thought I should have something alcoholic to fit in and so a very very weak lager shandy was perfect. I soon realised it wasn't necessary, and so I switched to pints of blackcurrant cordial, as at 6p a pint I could go out a lot more!!

Whether this liberal approach is the reason I've never ever been drunk - or even tipsy - I don't know. I don't really drink to this day - albeit I do fancy a cold Corona and lime occasionally!! It seemed to do the trick though.

Sadly, even though relatively few years have passed since then, and I still live in the same area, the pubs and nightclubs are generally much much rougher than they were back then. So much so I wouldn't be very keen for my daughter to go to them.

Probably only the handful of pubs I go to myself are the ones I'd be happy for her to go to - or she may even want to go to. That said it wouldn't be very "kewl" for her to have Dad there!! Would be a cheap night though I suppose with a free lift and Dad to buy drinks!!

I ventured into the centre of town last night with the same very close friend. The pubs were rubbish, empty, and with more unsavouries than I'd like. And that's in the nicest town around here (relatively speaking). If it stays like that I can't imagine she'd want to go.

Sorry for the long post. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're fair and open, it can take away the rebellius angle, and may take away the appeal of doing more irresponsible things?
 
It is baffling me that we are talking about young 14 year old children that have enough money to go out and buy very expensive alcoholic drinks!

It is also baffling me that we are discussing sleep overs involving both 14 year old boys and girls.

Yes I am an old fuddy duddy, yes I have old fashioned standards, yes I idolise ALL young children but we as parents have responsibilities. It is us that develop the character and future of our off spring. Yes children will misbehave, yes they might go off the rails and YES we must always support them, but I'm sorry. Sleep overs for boys and girls that are just 14yrs of age is not something I would favour,encourage or allow. I have always listened to my children, always given them the proverbial inch, but I have never allowed that inch to become the proverbial mile. There are standards that we all have to accept and hopefully we raise our offspring to accept the standards we like to invoke?

I apologise if this sounds personal or it appears I am even attempting to impose my standards on anyone else. I am NOT. It is none of my business what 'X' 'Y' or 'Z' want to do. A question has been asked and hopefully we will all respect answers, whether they be favourable, or not. I am sorry I am in the minority, but I am merely airing my own very personal opinion.

respect to the author for asking and hopefully my post will be accepted in the way it was wrote.


Yours very sincerely
John

Edit
As an after thought, do we allow our children to swear?

John, other than being born May 9th, I have no idea how old you are:devil: but would make a goodish guess you are older than me, but you may have retired early:D Times have changed so much, I lived in the world of which you speak when I was young, but you must bear in mind that times were harder 40+ years ago, there ws no where near as much money about as there is today. I had a tanner pocket money a week and at 14 took a paper round earning 7/6 a week. If I remember correctly that would buy about 4 pints, not that I drank then:D I am trying to show how much money is in society now. The paper boy has really gone so a lot of kids work in pubs sticking up at skittles for which they get paid roughly £12 per night. a lot of kids do 3 or 4 nights. At this point, I has better ask forgiveness from our Northern friends who probably have no idea what I am talking about:D Pocket money, I heard on the TV runs into tens of pounds per week. I am convinced that the increased level of liquid cash(excuse the pun) that a lot of people have maybe the cause of our angsieties(sp?) My son and daughter who are now in their late 20's have male and female friends, and have had for many many years with no more than just friendship being expected. I think Pammy has the slogan on her footnote, we can't help getting older, but we do not have to grow up, and maybe that is why us old folks seem to live in the past all to often, or who are looked on as such:D

All the best

Geoff
 
My son and daughter who are now in their late 20's have male and female friends, and have had for many many years with no more than just friendship being expected. I think Pammy has the slogan on her footnote, we can't help getting older, but we do not have to grow up, and maybe that is why us old folks seem to live in the past all to often, or who are looked on as such:D

All the best

Geoff
Hi Geoff,
I'm sure your right,
My daughter is just 21 and so my experiences are indeed seven years out of date.

Will I ever change or get old??? :devil: :devil: :devil:


I hope not

Kind regards
John
 
My experience.

I've two children, son 22, daughter 19. Both bright, articulate and hardworking.

Son did really well at school, excellent reports, high flyer until 12, when he started to lose concentration and start doing less well, until after 6 months it was going seriously downhill. No aparrent problems, no signs of drink or drugs, just a disinterest in doing anything at all.

Tried doctors, pschologists the lot, all said no real problem, he is just very bright, and bored at school. Get him into a school where he will be challenged and pushed.

So, we did. First year was great, he excelled at everything.

Then it started to go wrong again, gradual, then quickening downward slide. We'd explored every path, not nothing evident. No add, drink, illnesses. No avail, it just got worse and worse.

Until we discovered the problem, drugs, specifically cannabis, home grown and strong. A habit since 12 years, and so well hidden it wasnt evident to anyone, even experts.

Upshot was he left school and home at 15, nearly 16, and lived in a squat in Coventry, where he continued the downhill slide into harder drugs, criminality and a suicidal lifestyle. The only positive thihg was we kept some contact with him - a weekly delivery of Tesco basics to his pit.

It was awful, the expectation of a knock on the door from the police about this body, his sisters anguish, the pressure on all his family.

Meanwhile, my daughter kept going, working hard, being normal, being strong.

Then he phoned one day, he was in prison. Could I send him a postal order for a tenner, so he could buy some soap and toothpasteand chocolate biscuits, and no, he didn't want me to visit him please. He'd got 6 months for ABH.

Later he asked to come home, as he could be released early with a tag, but he had to have a 'proper' address with a phone line. Difficult decision, but his sister said yes. I collected him from Doncaster Young Offenders Institute (not a nice experience). not knowing what to expect.

He had quit drugs, been bored for 6 weeks, and had no desire to repeat the experience.

He came home, stuck for the rules, went to college, a model student and qualified as a painter and decorator. Started working for himself, and did well.

As of now, he still has a drug habit, though only cannabis, a thriving business and a decent relationship with his family.

I'm optimistic that he will grow up a bit more (there is a lot of room), and become a proper, functional member of society.

My message is, I suppose, that bringing up kids is the hardest job there is.

You always love your kids, even if you don't like them. The pain and pleasure of kids isn't always balanced.

You never give up. You will, most probably, succeed.....My parents did, and I think I will:)

My aplolgies for droning on.
 
and so I switched to pints of blackcurrant cordial, as at 6p a pint I could go out a lot more!!

They cottoned on and charge full (alchoholic) prices for this kind of drink now :mad: So it coulbe be (and certainly will be) argued that you may as well have the booze
 
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My experience.

I've two children, son 22, daughter 19. Both bright, articulate and hardworking....................

My aplolgies for droning on.

Thank you for being so honest and open. That cant have been easy.
My son NEARLY went down a similar route but for some reason pulled himself up and started regular work.
Thank God.
As I said earlier, parents can help and advise, but you dont have control. Thats the hardest part as a parent. Acknowledging that indefinable point in time where you stop being able to control and just become an adviser.
Thats very difficult.
 
They cottoned on and charge full (alchoholic) prices for this kind of drink now :mad: So it coulbe be (and certainly will be) argued that you may as well have the booze

You're absolutely right.

I remember a while back, a pub nearby offerred a free soft drink for each alcoholic drink purchased, as an incentive for someone in each group not to drink alcohol. An excellent idea, but didn't last long unfortunately.
 
My experience.

I've two children, son 22, daughter 19. Both bright, articulate and hardworking.

Son did really well at school, excellent reports, high flyer until 12...........................

My aplolgies for droning on.

Thanks for that Colin - It certainly makes my problems with truancy and rebellion look very tame!
Martin figured out quickly he had made a big mistake and is now working hard and enjoying life.

Kids can make you dispair - but you cant force them to adhere to your views even though you hope they have inherited your morals and standards. They almost certainly have but it may not come to the fore in their personalities for a couple of years :)
 

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