The Construction Industry. The Truth.

ringway

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lisa110rry

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"The" Quantity Surveyor Joke...

The MD of a Construction Company lends £50 to his Project Manager, Construction Manager and Quantity Surveyor. Soon thereafter, the MD sadly dies. All the site people attend his funeral.

As he passes by the coffin to pay his last respects, the Project Manager slips a £50 into the coffin. The Construction Manager does the same. The Quantity Surveyor, seeing this, slips in a cheque for £150, and removes the two £50s for change.
 

lisa110rry

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A consultant QS dies in a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.

Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says “Congratulations!”

“Congratulations for what?” asks the QS

Saint Peter says, “We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.”

“But that’s not true,” says the consultant. “I only lived to be forty.”

“That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter, “we added up your time sheets!”
 

lisa110rry

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A group of Quantity Surveyors and a group of Engineers take a train to a conference. Each Engineer holds a ticket. But the entire group of QS's has bought only a single ticket. The Engineers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant QS's will finally get what they deserve.

Suddenly one of the QS's calls out: "The conductor is coming!" At once, all the QS's jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets. The Conductor checks the tickets of the Engineers. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: "Ticket please!" One of the QS's slides the ticket under the door and the Conductor continues merrily on his round.

For the return journey the Engineers decide to use the same trick. They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they notice the QS's didn't buy any tickets at all. After a while one of the QS's announces again "The Conductor is coming!" Immediately all the Engineers race to a toilet and lock themselves in.

All the QS's leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last QS enters the toilet he knocks on the toilet occupied by the Engineers and says "Ticket please!"


And the moral of the story??

Engineers like to use the methods of QSs, but don't really understand them.
 

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