The Country's Debt Crisis solved

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crockers

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The right Hon Prime Minister

Dear Mr Cameron

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. - Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car - Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ..... And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Also........... Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.

Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention): COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.

Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
 
In fact Google the first para and it brings up websites full of it.

I just like to appreciate wit and originality where presented.
 
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In fact Google the first para and it brings up websites full of it.

I just like to appreciate wit and originality where presented.

Good point well made, however, irrespective where it came from this doesn't sound a bad idea.....and as a potential beneficiary I accept!
 
The prison/care home comparison makes a sound satirical point, but the rest is just nonsense.
 
Jeez. I thought it funny so posted it. Didn't intend anyone to assume it was my letter. To post repeatedly re google. Well that's even funnier.

I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.
 
In fact Google the first para and it brings up websites full of it.

I just like to appreciate wit and originality where presented.

Then I assume you never read any jokes as 99% are repeated. Or did you think everyone was original. :doh:
 
Bring out the comfy chair.
 
Crockers, do you confess to wilfully posting a hilarious joke on our good forum? How do you plead? :D
 
I received the joke in an email last week , but it still makes me chuckle. There is one in a similar vein that suggests pensioners check into a Holiday Inn .
Mocas stopped chuckling when it got to the bit about MPs expenses.
Thats because hes the sole MP for the Camera Carrying and Guess What Car Party . Dont upset him though , hes a nice bloke , and possibly next Prime Minister ( providing he can live with the reduction in salary and lifestyle ).:D:doh:
 
Doesnt matter where it came from, its bloody good in a tongue in cheek wayand made everyone chuckle in the office. Well done for finding. !:thumb:
 
Mocas stopped chuckling when it got to the bit about MPs expenses.
Thats because hes the sole MP for the Camera Carrying and Guess What Car Party . Dont upset him though , hes a nice bloke , and possibly next Prime Minister ( providing he can live with the reduction in salary and lifestyle ).:D:doh:

Is that supposed to be funny?


:D
 
I just felt that it had been presented in such a way that made out you had written it that's all.

Perhaps it could have been intro'd as "Saw this and found it funny".

I was about to congratulate you on a truly amazing bit of work and then thought I'd just google it and see what happened - thats all.

No hard feelings!!
 
Jeez. I thought it funny so posted it. Didn't intend anyone to assume it was my letter. To post repeatedly re google. Well that's even funnier.

I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

Nobody ever does!
 

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