The Fifty Shades Effect...

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Staff member
May 21, 2003
BBC News - Fifty Shades of Grey 999 call spike expected by London Fire Brigade

Since April 2013 the capital's fire crews have:
Attended 28 incidents involving people being trapped in handcuffs
Removed 293 rings, including seven from male genitalia
Attended other incidents, including releasing men's genitals from toasters or vacuum cleaners

From a toaster? I mean, I can kinda understand a Vacuum cleaner, but a toaster?!? :eek:
I would charge the lot of them for wasting public resources
It will read better in a west country accent!:

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!
I've heard B&Q are expecting a run on duct tape, zip ties and rope... Obviously a weekend of DIY.
Spikes the sex toy baron ;)
So that's where the forum name 'spike' came from, dread to think what the spike would be used for.
Quote from the Mail...

We can confirm that the leaked memo was indeed a bit of fun. Both B&Q, the public and the media have been entertained over the past few days and we are looking forward to a big weekend. We would have confessed to this sooner, but our hands were tied.

I'm loving the last bit! :D Quite a sense of humour!!!
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Oi! I'll let you know my duke has never seen a rope in it's life :p

Do you use rohypnol instead then? Oh…………a Ducati. Sorry.:D
Spinal said:
Oi! I'll let you know my duke has never seen a rope in it's life :p
That's a bit like Homer's response to Bart when the latter says that "today has been the worst day of my life ". "No, son", says Homer, "it's been the worst day of your life so far".

It's only a matter of time...

;) :D

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