Not sure how many of you are fans of the TV comedy The Big Bang Theory but those that are will get this straight away 
Just to set the scene, my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now and I think it's fair to say we've been to hell and back several times, mainly to do with my ongoing fight with cancer (Multiple Myeloma) and all the consequences that's had on me/us and our lives.
Thankfully she's stuck by me - she's got used to my 'Wisdom' (read: being a know it all), my 'Perfectionist Nature' (being a major PITA), my being a Petrolhead (complete car & engineering geek) and my 'Determination' (sheer bloodymindedness)....oh and I think she likes my Modesty too
One of the things that's got us through difficult times is a sense of humour, so when (after watching an episode of BBT) she said she was surprised I hadn't issued her with a Passenger Agreement, I couldn't resist.
Just to make it absolutely clear, what follows is very much Tongue in Cheek (except the bits that are REALLY serious)
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This Passenger Agreement, hereinafter referred to as “The Agreement” shall cover all matters relating to the Mercedes Benz C250CDI AMG Sport Auto, hereinafter referred to as “The Mercedes” or “The Vehicle” between the following parties, Mark Xxxxxxxx, hereinafter referred to as “The Driver” and Dawn Xxxxxxx, hereinafter referred to as “The Passenger”.
Law
The Agreement shall be subject to the Laws of England.
Geographical Coverage
The Agreement shall be in force in all territories of the United Kingdom, the Highlands & Islands, all EU and non-EU countries and all vehicle accessible landmasses of the World.
For the purposes of The Agreement, high speed travel which results in The Vehicle becoming airborne for any period, such as travel over humps and bridges, will also include the airspace above the territories stipulated above.
Judgement & Arbitration
Basic and minor infringements of The Agreement shall in all cases be judged by The Driver, whose decision in such matters is final, with sentencing to also be decided upon by The Driver.
All major infringements and any disputes relating to The Agreement, shall be judged by a panel of Petrol Heads, to be appointed by The Driver and tried before a jury of ‘12 straight men and true’ – No Judge Rinder!!
Section A – Commitments
The Driver warrants to The Passenger to convey The Passenger in a classy way befitting travel in The Mercedes, including but not limited to a ‘Chauffeur like’ experience, a ‘Sporty driving’ experience and occasionally a ‘Full On – Walter Röhrl at the Ring’ experience.
During such experiences The Passenger will be afforded all reasonable comforts provided by The Vehicle (provided such provision does not contradict any of the other terms set out in The Agreement) and will be conveyed from point A to Point D, possibly but not necessarily including Points B & C in a safe and secure manner, employing all the skills that might reasonably be expected of The Driver and applicable to the road and weather conditions prevailing at the time of the journey.
Section B – General Care
It is a fundamental understanding of The Agreement that in all matters relating to The Vehicle, care of The Mercedes is paramount and The Driver and The Passenger, will exercise good judgement in ensuring The Vehicle is protected from all circumstances that may expose it to damage or potential damage injurious to its condition or detrimental to its appearance or operation.
Section C – Parking
In all matters pertaining to parking, The Driver shall only consider parking bays and positions that ensure the safety of the vehicle, as detailed in the section ‘General Care’.
All other considerations regarding the extent to which The Passenger may be inconvenienced by such considerations, including but not limited to, the distance The Passenger may have to walk from suitable parking bays, the weather conditions or inclemency of the weather conditions prevailing upon The Passenger whilst leaving or returning to The Vehicle are excluded.
Section D – Food
The consumption of food is permitted within The Vehicle, on a limited basis and subject to the terms listed under General Care and the following clauses.
Food Clauses
Foodstuffs that ‘Crumb’ or ‘Flake’, such as bread based or pastry based foods, including but not limited to sandwiches, rolls, pastries, pasties, and general baked goods, should be consumed with a protective cloth (or bib) such as to ensure that the aforementioned Crumbs or Flakes do not fall onto the seat upholstery or carpets of The Vehicle.
Consumption of beverages shall be limited to non-staining liquids and shall expressly exclude all forms of red wine and berry based fruit juices.
Hot beverages should be cooled to tepid (not greater than 60 degrees centigrade) prior to The Passenger entering The Vehicle.
The consumption of sticky or hard-boiled sweets is permitted, providing they do not come into contact with any of the surfaces of The Vehicle.
Greasy foodstuffs are expressly forbidden.
Section E – Language
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to use defamatory language relating to The Vehicle, or Mercedes Benz A.G, whilst The Passenger is travelling within The Vehicle or for a distance of 1,000 statute miles from The Vehicle or The Driver, whichsoever is the lesser.
Section F – Music
The listening to of music approved by the Driver is permissible by The Passenger insofar as such music meets the following criteria:
1) Classic 70’s Rock
2) Classic 80’s rock
3) Classic Rock
4) Modern Rock
5) 80’s Electro
6) Classical Classics
7) All music that doesn’t meet the classifications above but The Driver likes
Listening to the following music and musical genres is expressly forbidden:
1) Girls Aloud (except ‘Can’t Speak French’)
2) Take That (except as approved by The Driver)
3) Simply Red (except as Approved by The Driver)
4) Any Girly, Girly music (except those that the Driver fancies)
Section G (Spot) – Coitus
Sexual interactions between The Driver and The Passenger, including but not limited to coitus, are permissible subject to the following clauses:
1) Interactions must not render The Driver incapable of driving.
2) Such interactions should not pose a risk to The Mercedes or constitute an infringement of The Highway Code.
3) Suitable ‘protection’ shall be used at all times – for example, covers to protect leather seats, trim and carpets.
4) Steamy windows are permitted however hand-prints on windows and shoe-prints on roof linings (or windows) are EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN.
5) Multiple orgasms are permitted for The Passenger – subject to one multiple orgasm experience per journey, up to a maximum of three per day.
These terms constitute the Passenger Agreement but may be amended by The Driver at any time. Any part deemed inadmissible by a Court shall not render any other part inadmissible and other parts shall therefore remain in force.
Signed this…………..day of…………………..in the year of Our Lord……………by:
Mark Xxxxxxxx (The Driver)……………………………………………………………………
Dawn Xxxxxxxxx (The Passenger)…………………………………………………………..
E&OE
Mark
Just to set the scene, my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now and I think it's fair to say we've been to hell and back several times, mainly to do with my ongoing fight with cancer (Multiple Myeloma) and all the consequences that's had on me/us and our lives.
Thankfully she's stuck by me - she's got used to my 'Wisdom' (read: being a know it all), my 'Perfectionist Nature' (being a major PITA), my being a Petrolhead (complete car & engineering geek) and my 'Determination' (sheer bloodymindedness)....oh and I think she likes my Modesty too
One of the things that's got us through difficult times is a sense of humour, so when (after watching an episode of BBT) she said she was surprised I hadn't issued her with a Passenger Agreement, I couldn't resist.
Just to make it absolutely clear, what follows is very much Tongue in Cheek (except the bits that are REALLY serious)
.
.
.
.
.
The Passenger Agreement
This Passenger Agreement, hereinafter referred to as “The Agreement” shall cover all matters relating to the Mercedes Benz C250CDI AMG Sport Auto, hereinafter referred to as “The Mercedes” or “The Vehicle” between the following parties, Mark Xxxxxxxx, hereinafter referred to as “The Driver” and Dawn Xxxxxxx, hereinafter referred to as “The Passenger”.
Law
The Agreement shall be subject to the Laws of England.
Geographical Coverage
The Agreement shall be in force in all territories of the United Kingdom, the Highlands & Islands, all EU and non-EU countries and all vehicle accessible landmasses of the World.
For the purposes of The Agreement, high speed travel which results in The Vehicle becoming airborne for any period, such as travel over humps and bridges, will also include the airspace above the territories stipulated above.
Judgement & Arbitration
Basic and minor infringements of The Agreement shall in all cases be judged by The Driver, whose decision in such matters is final, with sentencing to also be decided upon by The Driver.
All major infringements and any disputes relating to The Agreement, shall be judged by a panel of Petrol Heads, to be appointed by The Driver and tried before a jury of ‘12 straight men and true’ – No Judge Rinder!!
Section A – Commitments
The Driver warrants to The Passenger to convey The Passenger in a classy way befitting travel in The Mercedes, including but not limited to a ‘Chauffeur like’ experience, a ‘Sporty driving’ experience and occasionally a ‘Full On – Walter Röhrl at the Ring’ experience.
During such experiences The Passenger will be afforded all reasonable comforts provided by The Vehicle (provided such provision does not contradict any of the other terms set out in The Agreement) and will be conveyed from point A to Point D, possibly but not necessarily including Points B & C in a safe and secure manner, employing all the skills that might reasonably be expected of The Driver and applicable to the road and weather conditions prevailing at the time of the journey.
Section B – General Care
It is a fundamental understanding of The Agreement that in all matters relating to The Vehicle, care of The Mercedes is paramount and The Driver and The Passenger, will exercise good judgement in ensuring The Vehicle is protected from all circumstances that may expose it to damage or potential damage injurious to its condition or detrimental to its appearance or operation.
Section C – Parking
In all matters pertaining to parking, The Driver shall only consider parking bays and positions that ensure the safety of the vehicle, as detailed in the section ‘General Care’.
All other considerations regarding the extent to which The Passenger may be inconvenienced by such considerations, including but not limited to, the distance The Passenger may have to walk from suitable parking bays, the weather conditions or inclemency of the weather conditions prevailing upon The Passenger whilst leaving or returning to The Vehicle are excluded.
Section D – Food
The consumption of food is permitted within The Vehicle, on a limited basis and subject to the terms listed under General Care and the following clauses.
Food Clauses
Foodstuffs that ‘Crumb’ or ‘Flake’, such as bread based or pastry based foods, including but not limited to sandwiches, rolls, pastries, pasties, and general baked goods, should be consumed with a protective cloth (or bib) such as to ensure that the aforementioned Crumbs or Flakes do not fall onto the seat upholstery or carpets of The Vehicle.
Consumption of beverages shall be limited to non-staining liquids and shall expressly exclude all forms of red wine and berry based fruit juices.
Hot beverages should be cooled to tepid (not greater than 60 degrees centigrade) prior to The Passenger entering The Vehicle.
The consumption of sticky or hard-boiled sweets is permitted, providing they do not come into contact with any of the surfaces of The Vehicle.
Greasy foodstuffs are expressly forbidden.
Section E – Language
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to use defamatory language relating to The Vehicle, or Mercedes Benz A.G, whilst The Passenger is travelling within The Vehicle or for a distance of 1,000 statute miles from The Vehicle or The Driver, whichsoever is the lesser.
Section F – Music
The listening to of music approved by the Driver is permissible by The Passenger insofar as such music meets the following criteria:
1) Classic 70’s Rock
2) Classic 80’s rock
3) Classic Rock
4) Modern Rock
5) 80’s Electro
6) Classical Classics
7) All music that doesn’t meet the classifications above but The Driver likes
Listening to the following music and musical genres is expressly forbidden:
1) Girls Aloud (except ‘Can’t Speak French’)
2) Take That (except as approved by The Driver)
3) Simply Red (except as Approved by The Driver)
4) Any Girly, Girly music (except those that the Driver fancies)
Section G (Spot) – Coitus
Sexual interactions between The Driver and The Passenger, including but not limited to coitus, are permissible subject to the following clauses:
1) Interactions must not render The Driver incapable of driving.
2) Such interactions should not pose a risk to The Mercedes or constitute an infringement of The Highway Code.
3) Suitable ‘protection’ shall be used at all times – for example, covers to protect leather seats, trim and carpets.
4) Steamy windows are permitted however hand-prints on windows and shoe-prints on roof linings (or windows) are EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN.
5) Multiple orgasms are permitted for The Passenger – subject to one multiple orgasm experience per journey, up to a maximum of three per day.
These terms constitute the Passenger Agreement but may be amended by The Driver at any time. Any part deemed inadmissible by a Court shall not render any other part inadmissible and other parts shall therefore remain in force.
Signed this…………..day of…………………..in the year of Our Lord……………by:
Mark Xxxxxxxx (The Driver)……………………………………………………………………
Dawn Xxxxxxxxx (The Passenger)…………………………………………………………..
E&OE
Mark
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