The things children say

knighterrant

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One of our favourite TV programmes many years ago was Call My Bluff (where teams take it in turns to provide definitions of obscure words, only one of which was correct.) My four year old son Robert could read a bit and had become fascinated with the show and our interest in it, despite not understanding most of it. One afternoon both pairs of outlaws were at our house and young Robert reasoned that we could form two teams to play Call My Bluff. He took on the role of quizmaster and opened our dictionary near the middle to select an obscure word for the first round. Standing ceremoniously between the two teams he slowly and carefully read out "Mas - tur - bate". We didn't get to round 2.
 

Druk

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Bette's granddaughter... "nana, why has Derek got hairs growing out his nose?"

Oh the perils of old age :eek:
 

poormansporsche

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My daughter at 18 months old invented the word "boobie cases" - its stuck ever since !
 

Flackadder

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'direction dialogue', says Matthew, my 5 year old grandson.
'Would that be a sign post then' Matthew' ?
'Yes!'

I am guessing he forgot for the moment:)
 

D-18

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Sitting watching 'Blue Peter' many years ago, they had a large Bull in the studio for whatever reason. My friend's very young son had obviously overheard some 'adult' language at some point as he turned to us and commented: 'Imagine having a fuc*ing bull in the studio'.
 

flat6buster

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'direction dialogue', says Matthew, my 5 year old grandson.
'Would that be a sign post then' Matthew' ?
'Yes!'

I am guessing he forgot for the moment:)
Sounds like a management consultant in the making there ☺
 

lisa110rry

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My niece, now in her late 30s, when a small child was taken to an airshow. Remember this is in the early 80s. As a large plane swooped over head, she exclaimed "Look Daddy, a nignog"! (It was a Nimrod.) We were all rather mortified.
 

st13phil

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The 1980's TV show Child's Play hosted by Michael Aspel used to throw up some great ones as primary school aged children gave verbal definitions of words.

A particular favourite of mine was, "Mary had an immaculate contraption" :D
 

Alex225

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There are some posts here that have genuinely made me laugh.

My little girl is 3 and often has us in fits. Was driving with her in the back of the car, had to pull up quite sharply due to a chap having pulled over to sort something out in the boot of his car, on a blind bend. I refrained from saying anything knowing she was behind me, next I hear....

"You muppet!"
 

lisa110rry

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Brilliant Alex!

At around that age my husband, son and I (that's to say our son was around that age!) had a game we used to play in the car, it's going to seem a bit odd. We used to hurl abuse at each other like "letterbox lips" and "broccoli hair" and so on. The idea was to widen his vocabulary and try to get him to visualise the images from the words we were using. It seems to have worked as his first primary teacher said he had a most remarkably large vocabulary, lol!

The odd thing is, none of this has given him the confidence it should. At 34, he is writing commercial claims in the construction industry but feels he struggles with it.
 

brucemillar

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My youngest daughter had been having a primary school biology lesson that week. On the Friday night as we had dinner with my in-laws she asked my wife (their daughter) if she knew how many orgasms were living in her underwear?

I do hope that she meant organisms?
 

Ted

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Think I've posted one before, but when daughter no 3 was about five or six, I was putting up a piece of ceiling plaster and it wasn't going well.
When Mrs Ted returned from work, I proudly showed my handiwork and explained how hard the job had been, to which little darling said "Yes. Daddy used the 'F' word".
Of course Mrs Ted robustly chastised me for using such naughty language, especially in front of one so young.
Then a little voice said quietly
"And he used the 'C' word"...
 

anfieldassasin

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At footy practice in local area. 4 year old son falls over, another 5 year old comes over and kicks him. My Misus intervenes to tell off 5 year old for in appropriate behaviour and gets told 'your a f@@@@g b@@ch'.

Other parents?no where to be seen
 

NOMONEYBUTAMERC

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My nine year old grandson asked my wife if her Freelander had heated front seats . Yes , she replied , why? "Dads got them in his Mercedes, does it make you feel like you peed your pants?"
 

jukie

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Heard on the radio last week, a young child comes home from school as Christmas approached and proudly exclaimed they'd learned about the "urgent Mary" and "baby cheeses".
 

lisa110rry

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It helps if you come from or live near Chorley to understand this one, but when we moved to Lancashire 30 years ago from Solihull, after the first day at school for my four year old, I asked him if there was anything teacher said that he didn't understand. He said:

"Yes, purse," he said.
"The thing Mummy keeps her money in?" I asked.
"No, when you put your hands together and talk to God," he replied.


Trapper John will immediately understand this...
 

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