The other day my car gave me some more messages. It is a chatty thing. It insists on telling me that I have back seats when I start it up and then the beeping to remind me that my garage is not an aircraft hangar. Periodically it displays a wicked sense of humour by pretending that I am about to crash, only to mime “fooled you”
, when I don’t. In the last month it has decided to periodically, but perhaps inevitably, not consistently, warn me that when I next stop for fuel, I might like to check the oil level.
Given the lack of warning that it was about to stop when it ran out of fuel, and the subsequent ridicule heaped upon me by some posters on the UK Mercedes Forum, this time I thought I ought to avoid the potential approbation of these few ever so clever people, and I decided to check the oil. A wise man always learns.
In anticipation I went to Halfords and bought 1 litre of Mobil 1 0/40W checking to make sure that it had the required MB229.5 Mercedes tag on the label. I went in one of my other cars to avoid any mishaps.
On my return, I approached the C63 AMG armed with a key and my bottle of oil. I opened the car and peered around for the bonnet opener. No sign. So I groped about in all the usual places. Still no sign. Sigh! Off back inside to get the manual, again. I have never had a car that was so reliant on its manual for any simple task. Oh well that nice sarcastic man on the internet said I should read it, so I did. These are the warnings, only slightly paraphrased, that relate to opening the bonnet.
1. Don’t open it whilst moving, it might block your view (direct quote!);
2. There is a risk of injury (not specified) if the bonnet is open, even if the engine isn’t running;
3. Some engines get hot;
4. To avoid burns, only touch the bits mentioned in the manual;
5. The radiator fan can start at any time, don’t put your hand in there, it could get hurt;
6. The ignition uses high voltage, don’t touch it or any of the coil, cables, spark plugs or the test socket, they are all bad too;
7. You could get a shock or die;
8. Make sure the windscreen wipers are off (No I have no idea either!);
9. The windscreen wipers might start and injure you;
10. Seriously, make sure the wipers are off by taking out the key;
11. The indicators must be off.
OK, now you are good to go. There is then a small black and white picture that alludes to a lever where I had previously peered and groped. I groped again and found it, pulled it and the car alarm went off. It had taken me so long to read all the warnings that car had re-armed the alarm. Run back in the house, get the key I’d left on the desk when I last went in to get the manual, and rush back out to kill the alarm.
Now, go round the front of the car and grope around again. Under the bonnet is a much more conventional second bonnet retainer, pull it and we are in.
I didn’t realise that each engine AMG make is individually signed a la Aston Martin. It was nice to find a little plaque with some German’s name on it, shame the bonnet release wasn’t as obvious, but there you go. I found the dip stick, checked the oil, and found it was below minimum. I added 500ml, ran the engine for 30 secs and re-measured: still too low, so I added the last 500ml, ran the engine, re-measured again and it was on the minimum. This was OK as it wasn’t fully warmed, so I put everything back in place shut the bonnet (making sure that I hadn’t trapped anyone in it, as the manual helpfully advised) and packed away the manual for another day. Are all AMG manuals more thumbed than a copy of “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” in a convent?
Picture here: Cars: We All Fall in Love With Our Models: The Dangers of Topping Up Oil in a C63 AMG.
, when I don’t. In the last month it has decided to periodically, but perhaps inevitably, not consistently, warn me that when I next stop for fuel, I might like to check the oil level. Given the lack of warning that it was about to stop when it ran out of fuel, and the subsequent ridicule heaped upon me by some posters on the UK Mercedes Forum, this time I thought I ought to avoid the potential approbation of these few ever so clever people, and I decided to check the oil. A wise man always learns.
In anticipation I went to Halfords and bought 1 litre of Mobil 1 0/40W checking to make sure that it had the required MB229.5 Mercedes tag on the label. I went in one of my other cars to avoid any mishaps.
On my return, I approached the C63 AMG armed with a key and my bottle of oil. I opened the car and peered around for the bonnet opener. No sign. So I groped about in all the usual places. Still no sign. Sigh! Off back inside to get the manual, again. I have never had a car that was so reliant on its manual for any simple task. Oh well that nice sarcastic man on the internet said I should read it, so I did. These are the warnings, only slightly paraphrased, that relate to opening the bonnet.
1. Don’t open it whilst moving, it might block your view (direct quote!);
2. There is a risk of injury (not specified) if the bonnet is open, even if the engine isn’t running;
3. Some engines get hot;
4. To avoid burns, only touch the bits mentioned in the manual;
5. The radiator fan can start at any time, don’t put your hand in there, it could get hurt;
6. The ignition uses high voltage, don’t touch it or any of the coil, cables, spark plugs or the test socket, they are all bad too;
7. You could get a shock or die;
8. Make sure the windscreen wipers are off (No I have no idea either!);
9. The windscreen wipers might start and injure you;
10. Seriously, make sure the wipers are off by taking out the key;
11. The indicators must be off.
OK, now you are good to go. There is then a small black and white picture that alludes to a lever where I had previously peered and groped. I groped again and found it, pulled it and the car alarm went off. It had taken me so long to read all the warnings that car had re-armed the alarm. Run back in the house, get the key I’d left on the desk when I last went in to get the manual, and rush back out to kill the alarm.
Now, go round the front of the car and grope around again. Under the bonnet is a much more conventional second bonnet retainer, pull it and we are in.
I didn’t realise that each engine AMG make is individually signed a la Aston Martin. It was nice to find a little plaque with some German’s name on it, shame the bonnet release wasn’t as obvious, but there you go. I found the dip stick, checked the oil, and found it was below minimum. I added 500ml, ran the engine for 30 secs and re-measured: still too low, so I added the last 500ml, ran the engine, re-measured again and it was on the minimum. This was OK as it wasn’t fully warmed, so I put everything back in place shut the bonnet (making sure that I hadn’t trapped anyone in it, as the manual helpfully advised) and packed away the manual for another day. Are all AMG manuals more thumbed than a copy of “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” in a convent?
Picture here: Cars: We All Fall in Love With Our Models: The Dangers of Topping Up Oil in a C63 AMG.
