Warning! Distressing subject. Loss

[Athey]

My mum died a couple of weeks ago after a fall at home. She was chirpy after an op to fix her leg, but deteriorated that night. She had other things wrong with her and was told by the registrar there was nothing more they could do. She died peacefully surrounded by me and my brothers. Before she died she made us all promise 2 things. One, we shared everything equally and two, we stuck together as brothers. We got together as we always do when there is trouble and gave her the most beautiful send off with all the family present. To say I’m devastated is an understatement , but then to find out my mums accounts and all her cash and valuables gone and my brothers have killed their landline and mobile numbers has left me reeling with shock. If greed is what they want, keep the money, but I’m hurt that they promised her dying wishes only to betray her.
Why?????

 

[bigcarpchaser]

Because where money is concerned, people can’t be complete bastards, especially family.

Sorry for your less fella. Double whammy there. No wonder your hurting.

Will probably be facing a similar situation to you in due course.
My dad passed away and left everything to my step mother on condition that what’s left is shared between me, my brother and my step brother.
Suffice to say my step brother is fleecing (borrowing, cough) his mum of thousands with promises to pay it back.
He wont, the bloke is a totally useless, spineless prat.

Then way I look at it is, the old fella gave us bugger all when he was alive, in fact, our childhood was a complete mess. If he’d wanted us to have it he’d have done something different so hey ho. If you’ve never had it, you can’t miss it.
Anyway, I’d rather rely on my own hard graft ultimately.


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[Athey]

I don’t care about money, I need my brothers and they’ve deserted me. We never had any problems, and my head is in bits as to why.
I just feel so alone at the moment.
They say god gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers, but even I’m struggling.

 

[AMGeed]

Condolences fella. The loss of your Mum is bad enough without being betrayed by your brothers.

Have you addresses for them? I would compose an identical letter to them outlining your concerns and asking why they have taken this action.
But don't be surprised if you hear nothing. Shutting down a landline and mobile says a lot about not wanting to be contacted.
You may have to ride this out on your own.

 

[kianok]

Sorry for your loss.

Do you have any family or mutual friends who may be able to speak with them for you and explain to them how this has left you feeling?

Not sure where you stand legally if the have helped themselves to the estate but I’d get some legal advise ASAP.

If they have cut you off completely you may as well go after what is rightfully yours.

Remember you have plenty of friends on here who will help you.

 

[Athey]

I know. Just want my mum, but she’s gone and I’m still trying to comprehend it as we were close.
I’m no stranger to death and sorrow, but this is on an unimaginable level. My poor wife feels as helpless as I did when she lost her dad so she knows how I feel.

 

[GeeJayW]

Condolences on your loss.

It's tough losing your Mum, mine has been gone 19-years now. My Dad followed 10-years ago. Both died from cancer. My brothers and I fortunately perhaps had no issues over the estate, it was managed equitably and in line with Dad's wishes which were also laid out clearly in his will.

In taking money out of your Mum's estate with such haste, your brothers may well have acted illegally. So speak to a solicitor. They have certainly behaved appallingly and I would seriously question whether you really need these guys in your life.

 

[Athey]

I know. Just want my mum, but she’s gone and I’m still trying to comprehend it as we were close.
I’m no stranger to death and sorrow, but this is on an unimaginable level. My poor wife feels as helpless as I did when she lost her dad so she knows how I feel.
Kianuk, I’m not even going to bother chasing it. Yes there is life changing money involved, but I’d rather let my brothers have it in return for us being family. No I don’t think I will ever see or hear from them again and it’s losing them as well as mum and it really does hurt.

 

[MissyD]

Leaves me speechless, if it's any consolation, we are all here for you X

 

[Athey]

Will tell you all about something funny and spooky.
We was talking about mum and my brother said she was a bitch for grounding him years ago. At that moment the light fitting literally exploded bearing in mind the lights weren’t on. The small led bulb and the thick glass casing shattered everywhere. My other brother just replied mums pissed at you!

 

[Athey]

Thank you missy and everyone else for your kind words.
It’s been a hard decision to tell you all as I normally just bottle things up, but I need to do this to defend mums name.

 

[Lennox]

So sorry for your loss. Agree re the cash, having family is more important. I'm in a similar situation re a large estate my uncle seems to have control of that was supposed to be split between the grandchildren . But I will deal with that in time.

Anyway a different perspective could be to get your brothers tracked. Money always leaves a trace.

 

[Deleted member 126251]

My mum died a couple of weeks ago after a fall at home. She was chirpy after an op to fix her leg, but deteriorated that night. She had other things wrong with her and was told by the registrar there was nothing more they could do. She died peacefully surrounded by me and my brothers. Before she died she made us all promise 2 things. One, we shared everything equally and two, we stuck together as brothers. We got together as we always do when there is trouble and gave her the most beautiful send off with all the family present. To say I’m devastated is an understatement , but then to find out my mums accounts and all her cash and valuables gone and my brothers have killed their landline and mobile numbers has left me reeling with shock. If greed is what they want, keep the money, but I’m hurt that they promised her dying wishes only to betray her.
Why?????

If there is no will, each sibling is entitled to an equal share. Get a lawyer.

 

[LTD]

^This

 

[E53AMG]

My condolences. You may find a little bereavement counselling helpful to come to terms with your loss. As for your thieving brothers the value of her estate will need to be established for the purposes of probate, at this time I suggest you ask your Solicitor to handle the matter who, no doubt, will point out their criminality and ultimate consequences.

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[KennyN]

Sorry for your loss Athey , I was in the same position last year and it is certainly not easy.

It is sad that some put money before family , your mum would have been disappointed with your siblings actions which should have made them do the right thing if they had any decency at all which clearly they don't.

My wife has two sisters and a brother who had a proper fall out with his parents , dad was so disgusted with his sons (religious choices) actions that he wanted to write him out his will but was told that he would have still been entitled to a 25% share regardless of inclusion in the will.

Best to take proper legal advice if you want to take it further , I understand and respect your reasons for wanting to let it go but I don't know if I could be as forgiving more in principle than financial.

Good luck which ever route you choose at this difficult time.

K

 

[Petrol Pete]

Are your brothers married or have girl/boyfriends ? I ask because this is where problems often start. They could have made promises their partners are not willing to keep.
Many of us have seen 'amicable' divorces turn into full out war when the 'other half' realises - or is advised by friends/new partners - that his pension could be yours and keep the house , etc, etc.

Sorry for your loss, both of your mother and your brothers. I can not imagine my own brother behaving like this. Shocking stuff.

 

[grober]

Take independent legal advice pronto. Main issues being 1. any power of attorney granted before your mum's demise and 2. the terms of her will and the details of any executors of same. A persons bank accounts are frozen at time of death and then form part of their estate.

 

[johnsco]

My condolences Athey.
I've experienced bereavement 4 years ago.
It's indescribable.
I can't help - I can only offer my understanding.
Be strong for yourself and your wife.
I know it's hard … It's easy for me to say it.
You do have legal rights in these situations.
If your mum left a will, it is legally binding.
If she left no will, you are entitled to an equal share of the estate - in accordance with your mum's wishes.
The advice in post #13 and #18 above is sound.
Good luck mate.

 

[Athey]

I am the eldest of us 3. Mum lived for us, always telling everyone about our achievements,small and big “they’re my boys” she always proudly said, sometimes embarrassing us, especially when we brought girlfriends home! Believe me, we was far from being perfect sons and at times brought home more than our fair share of trouble but no matter what, she always stood by us. As we grew up, we told her that it was time to think about herself. Eventually she listened and got herself a car, and even went to Paris and then Sri Lanka for my youngest brothers wedding. She took art classes and found she was really good at it, and also trained as a mediator.
She also helped raise money for the RNLI and the British heart foundation. Yes mum, I’m singing your praises!!!
Family was everything to her and it hurts that my brothers are breaking that bond.
Her dearest wish was that when she died, she wanted to be buried in the same churchyard as my grandad and nana, and a lot of other family members are also there. For years, she tried time and again to buy a plot only to be refused.
I can happily say that a new vicar took over the church a few months ago, and I went to see him the day after mum went. I got her wish, and as a bonus, she is only a few graves away from my grandparents.
As for my brothers, if money is all they want, then keep it, but hang your heads in shame if they ever go to see her!
As for me, when I put the car back on the road, I will continue to take it to car shows that raise money for charity and continue that legacy.
Solicitors are the only winners and ruthlessly milk money from bitterness.
Sorry it’s a long post but I’m sticking up for mum.